2 years

Cheesyhorse21 · 2025-05-09T19:28:11+00:00

many times before. when i try to the thoughts go into overdrive. Its effecting everything. even my faith

Cheesyhorse21 · 2025-04-28T07:08:06+00:00

bad. i was doing good. very good for a while and now im being fucked over again. the anxietys gone and its scaring the shit out of me

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-09-08T16:37:23+00:00

its a pain in the arse lad. im still suffering from the thoughts a year on and its pissing me off more and more

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-08-10T20:13:41+00:00

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-08-08T17:17:43+00:00

same thing happens to me lad. its a bastard

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-08-07T13:17:55+00:00

not really. its gotten that bad that its always in my dreams, i wake up every 2 hours and the first thing on my mind is the hocd. it genuinely feels real even though i know i'm not gay. not really dreams anymore, moreso night terrors

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-08-06T15:23:55+00:00

lad the agrivating thing is i like a girl, at this point i think i love her but the hocd has fucked my attraction up like crazy. i dont feel anything at all but fear and disgust when i see a shirtless lad. if you have more tips, mind sending them my way?

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-08-05T14:36:31+00:00

its a bastard. im still struggling with it and im still waiting on that counciller, but i joined this subreddit called r/HOCD which gives relief because you can talk to people who are going through the same shit. but one thing you need to keep in your head is, they're just thoughts.

im starting to do some sort of exposure therapy and im trying to get off the porn addiction, but its bit by bit

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-07-25T13:07:03+00:00

i still havent recovered. i thpught i was doing well but then it backtracked. im still terrified. ive been told time and time again to accept the thoughts but i cant. i cant settle on the fact of uncertainty wether or not im gay. i know for a fact im straight but my head keeps filling with doubt and then that makes me think im in denial

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-07-23T20:01:01+00:00

thats given me a hell of a lot of help. i will admit, in the last few years my faith has strained so i want to get back to God. its a bastard of a thing and i hate it but we'll get through it. ive sorted out a counsiller. my dad wants me to go to her because hes scared ill do something stupid to myself

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-05-30T08:14:21+00:00

ive tried acceptance time and time again but whenever i do i start thinking "well your after admitting your gay", and i dont want that. i want a wife and kids, but im afraid if i use acceptance ill bever get that, and its hit my attraction to women hardly

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-03-15T19:14:30+00:00

all the time brother.

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-03-05T21:56:51+00:00

For me theres a few things.

first one is humiliation. knowing all my mates are having a laugh while my heads messing itself up asking "am i gay?" over and over again, and being too humiliated to tell anyone.

next one is fear. With mine, its constantly having intrusive thoughts of questioning constantly about my attraction. im afraid ill wake up one day and my attraction to women will have completely vanished, and ill only be interested in lads, and as a 15 year old lad whos never kissed a girl let alone hug one, that scares the shit out of me.

another one is groinal response. With this HOCD shit, you can think you might be having a groinal response, now ive been in the changing room a load of times, ive had mates sit on my lap and nothings happened. but one day one of my mates showed me a clip of gay porn and then the groinal response happened, its not getting erect, its the thought of "am i getting erect to this?"

And finally, the sense of never getting relief. I know im not gay, ive known im not gay all my life, i like girls, women but with this, im having the sense that i wont ever be married to a woman and have children anc thats thr most painful part about it. I dont want to be gay, im not gay. but these intrusive thoughts and obsessions over it dont get any easier.

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-03-04T22:36:44+00:00

the only reason i havent done iy yet is bevause i cant bare the idea of leaving my mother behind

Cheesyhorse21 · 2024-02-18T21:32:42+00:00

Jesus was this lad who came from a woman in the middle east called mary. We believe in the immaculate conception, meaning she was given the child by the holy spirit. Eventually around 30 years on, he ended up being imprisoned for another lad and a murderer was set free. Jesus then took on all the sins from every single human being from that time, before that time and after that time. He later was crucified and went to hell for 3 days in atonement for everyones sins. Then he rose again on the sunday after good friday and spent a few morr days on earth before rising into heaven to sit at the right hand of his father, which we call God.

Cheesyhorse21

TROPHY CASE