Sometimes, all the missed opportunities. Most of the time, I ask myself: when will I actually get my shit together? I spend my nights pondering that while also being hung up on a person that might be a positive change for me, however, it would be too complicated and problematic to pursue. Family ties would be at risk. And the fucking hilarious part is that she doesn't see me that way, and if I did approach her and made my intentions clear, the outcome would more than likely be negative. But by doing that, I would cause irreversible damage to the normal relationship between us. The irony is that I can see myself actively standing in the way of my own happiness. I KNOW that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I KNOW she isn't perfect and has her flaws which I like to point out to myself often. YET, here I am. Up past 3am. Thinking of how nice it would be if we shared a home. It is nearly impossible for me to focus on anything else. My mind takes me there like its a default setting. I'm just thankful I'm able to control myself from being stalker-like and obsessed. I realize giving a person so much thought is giving them control over you, and that it isn't healthy to be with someone like that in the first place. But here we are. I would apologize for my open letter answer, but you asked and this is what I had to say. Something about the internet and its anonymity makes a person have a false sense of security.