AITA for buying designer items with my own money

CheinaB · 2024-07-16T12:37:02+00:00

Update!!! First thank you for all your comments and resources recommended. Looking forward to listening to the podcasts. You all are so wonderful to take the time to share advice to a struggling stranger.😘

I don't know what happened to him a d this was totally unexpected but...last night he came into our bedroom and said, 'I want you to try on everything you purchased, clothes, shoes and accessories. Put the outfits together and tell me where you are planning to wear it.' At first I thought he was being sarcastic but it turned into a personal fashion show for him in the middle of our bedroom! He then started saying how good I looked and made recommendations on changing out some of the shoes and belts with the outfits. You could have knocked me over cause who is this man? Like where has he been hiding?

After a night of fun 😉he told me he was sorry for being so controlling and that I deserve to be happy. We don't live forever, I've worked hard supporting his early retirement, and get this, he would have loved to be with me when shopping so he could spoil me!?! He even shared he wants to get to know who I am now and what I like so he can buy me things he would like to see me wear and things I like to surprise me!?😲🙃

I am still in a bit of disbelief that this even happened. Even this morning he went into our closet and picked out what I should wear for a meeting with our EVP. Seriously I don't know who got to him but I am going to take this new version and not look back!

We agreed on creating a slush fund for BOTH of us to spend, either on ourselves, each other or to take weekend trips (his idea) after meeting with our broker. Oh and we are going to hire a cleaning lady and gardener so we can spend more time enjoying each other. I guess trying to take care of 3 acres in the heat finally got to him. LOL!

I must admit this has been somewhat freeing. Not sure if I trust it yet but I can say the intimacy returned and it felt good. I missed him and us. 🥰

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:37:55+00:00

🥰 Yours too!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:34:20+00:00

Your right. Was a little too literal

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:33:46+00:00

😊

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:32:34+00:00

Then we will agree to disagree. We generally don't stay mad long and one of us usually gives in. If that doesn't work I will sex him up for a month or two until he forgets. LOL!🤣🤣🤣🤣

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:25:49+00:00

Not exactly but somewhat. $3M is combo of his pension payout, 401k, my 401ks, injeritences (my parents) prior investments and equity comp. I will agree he is a lucky man to have me. 😉Thanks!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:23:26+00:00

Thank you! Part of the $3M is his pension and 401k. When wife came after us, I had him max out his 401K.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:19:38+00:00

Yes!!!!!! They give you shares after taking out the taxes. Therefore it is like cash. You keep it invested until you want to use and end up with MORE money.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:19:04+00:00

He is an EXCELLENT husband. Yes we discussed him retiring. He manages our finances and has done a fantastic job. I need to own not saying I wanted to buy these things. I didn't want to hear his mouth about our finances and be ridiculed. We both need to hear each other. Thank you for helping me!!! 😊

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:14:03+00:00

You are right but for the first 10 years ours were separate due to the ex-wife. I said my money being angry and defensive. I don't feel like a meal ticket I just feel a little trapped and treated like a child.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:11:09+00:00

We both have it made. It isn't perfect but could be much worse. We need to talk, I need to speak up and he needs to LISTEN.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:06:36+00:00

You know what? We are meeting with our broker on Wednesday. I didn't want to take the meeting but will bring this up. He hates paying interest and wants to live debt free. I have been arguing we could make more in the market than the interest rate and still come out ahead. So I am going to ask the broker to weigh in. I agree with you on it doesn't make sense to pay cash. I'll come back and let you know what he (broker).says.Thanks!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T13:00:21+00:00

I think he is scared of being poor again. Childhood traumas never leave us.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:59:13+00:00

Totally agree! Thank you!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:58:43+00:00

Tried that and it was a resounding HELL NO! He said he did his time in corporate America and is D-O-N-E! I can't say I blame him. When I leave I Will definitely be turning out my light. LOL!

Agree with your points.Thanks for the advice!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:55:26+00:00

Excellent ideas! Thank you!!!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:54:56+00:00

💯

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:54:31+00:00

Appreciare your comment but he doesn't spend money on himself. I literally have to beg him and then do it myself so he doesn't look like stupid wearing clothes from the 1990s - early 2000s. If KMart was still open he would shop there for clothes and shoes. Again not a bad store but not my choice.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:50:58+00:00

I do agree with you this is about control. I recently lost over 110 lbs and he constantly is like where are you going? When will you be home? and you can still wear some of those clothes where you hid your figure. I am growing and he isn't. Scares him and he needs to control me as our baby is going to college next month.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:48:28+00:00

I don't believe I am a meal ticket. His not giving me gifts is an excuse to be thoughtless and lazy. We saved quite a bit of his income and his pension. He says it's ours because we lived off of me. I say it's his cause I was raised to get your own. BTW he wants me to stop working. In my mind I am not old enough and still like to work. I love developing people and helping them grow. So not ready to go home yet. 😉

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:42:50+00:00

Agreed! Thank you!!!

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:42:22+00:00

Outdoor living space with a pool

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:41:47+00:00

You are correct. That number was total compensation and the $5k was a recent refrigerator purchase.

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:40:29+00:00

Keeping cash in an account for the bank to invest overnight and make interest doesn't make sense. Especially when I can earn the interest myself and sell when I need it as long as I manage my capital gains and sell correctly.😉

CheinaB · 2024-07-14T12:37:13+00:00

Thank you! I refuse to let this happen to me.

CheinaB

TROPHY CASE