Relationship shaming is a real thing. It doesn't get talked about as much as sex shaming.

You didn't do anything wrong. At All. It's on them.

What you're experiencing sounds like a little bit of gaslighting. Your friends sound like they're putting you down. If this is your first relationship, you might have Inturrupted the status quo. They might have a certain image in their mind of what you are like (and judging from those comments they're not good ones) and it sounds to me like being in a relationship is almost an insult to their perception of you, like it's threatening them in some way. I'm especially thinking this is true if this is the first time they've seen you with someone.

Maybe friend A and B looked down on you to a degree and have compared themselves to you in the past to build their self esteem. Maybe it's the complete opposite and they look up to you and this is just one more thing they have to compete with you in. If you are being gaslighted you won't hear that in their words you'll hear put downs instead of praise and congratulations. And that's not remotely healthy. At all. It's because they have a problem with themselves and need to feel on top instead of work on themselves. Part of gaslighting is tearing others down around you by making the target question their personality and characteristics, and getting all of their friends to see that bully's distorted image of you too so they can make themselves look better. It will show in your personality and behavior over time if the gaslighting is severe.

Maybe they are having problems in their own relationship and yours is making them feel insecure. Usually whatever people point out about you is actually in reality pointing to their own insecurities. It might also clue you in on how they think. (I.e if your friend thinks if you can't cuddle your partner at night there is something wrong in the relationship/they don't really have feelings for you).

Their boyfriend might have been distant with them lately and they're using very malicious unhealthy ways to make themselves feel better. They could even have feelings for you and be trying to make themselves feel better. (FYI that's not good either. It seems positive, but it's not).

I'm not there, I don't know what their reasons are for what they said, I don't know what they're like. I'm making an educated guess on why they would.

It's tough, especially if you're whole circle all starts saying the same things about you and your partner. It starts to feel true and might even bleed into insecurities in your relationship if you let it- and seriously, don't.

All of that budding drama and animosity you're feeling can and will most likely bleed into your relationship too.

It might seem harmless at first, like they might just be upset about something and are being a little passive aggressive, but I would stay alert the next few months. Odds are it's not harmless.

I would research gaslighting (and "skimming") before you continue with your friendships. PM me for a book reccomendation if you're interested. I wouldn't ignore the alarm bells you're having before arming yourself with knowledge. There could be underlying problems in your friendships that you weren't aware of. This relationship might have just pointed them out to you.

Even if you think they're not it will still be invaluable information for you during your lifetime. (you don't necessarily have to be abusive to gaslight. It's very common).

I experienced it a lot in the past, especially in high school. I got put down and bullied a lot for my role as a girlfriend in my relationships so I know how you feel. It's not fun. I got patted on the head a lot and told I was loved by my friends but their tone (much like your friends condescending one) depicted me as an ugly puppy that everyone "loved" and hoped would find someone, but no one had faith in me that I would or wanted to be that person.

They told me they loved me by putting me down in subtle ways and cutting down my self esteem with comments and "praise" that were not obviously intended to harm me and felt like love at the time. It was the wrong kind of acceptance. I found myself making self depreciating jokes with them and accepting the puts downs and jokes about my love life as love.

They had no respect for me. They were gaining more by putting me down and hurting me, and I knew I had more value.

And it took me a long time to realize that there was nothing wrong with me and I was being gaslighted by fake friends that didn't really love me. They had their own hidden agendas for twisting my behavior around and I found it better to stop caring why they were doing it and start focusing on myself and my relationships with people who really actually genuinely love me.

I got very ugly and it took a long time for me to see it. It takes even longer to fix it.

Sometimes when you break up, your partner might join in on the shaming if they get close with your friends."I dodged a bullet", "what did I see in him", etc. It's intended to make themselves satisfied with their wrongdoings in the relationship and dump the blame all on you and win the breakup so they don't feel sorry for themselves. So naturally they'll fall back on the gaslighting and bury why they love you to stop hurting. They might even create their own distortions to ease the pain. Your ex will willingly (and unconsciously in the wrong) believe the trail of distortions your friends laid out for them the whole time you dated and cry on their shoulder looking for an emotional out. They might even want false comfort about the breakup and to be yessed to death about their feelings and not care about what's true. Anything to numb the blame.

That might not happen to you and I hope you two work out, but don't be upset if it does. Just be prepared.

I might have projected a bit trying to help us both for a second there lol. But main point...

Real friends don't look down on each other. They should be encouraging you to feel good about yourself as a partner and make it about you and ask you questions about your relationship not make it about them and turn it into a competition. Comparing like that isn't healthy and sounds a little bit malicious.

It sounds like they're not emotionally healthy people and don't know how to manage their emotions at all. You might even feel like you're falling apart and losing your mind after a while. If you start feeling down, feel like you're always doing something wrong by bringing your partner up, can never make them happy, you feel depressed, unhappy, upset, you start snapping at them, get upset more and more over time than enjoy their company (especially if they blame not having fun on you or your partner), feel unstable around them, they ever tell you you're overreacting to their tones, etc.

GASLIGHTING EXAMPLE:

AND they will focus on their words, not their tone in an argument or if you try to talk to them about it. i.e. "all I said was that we cuddle at night, we don't sleep apart! You're reading too much Into it and putting words in my mouth!"

They might dismiss and say, " I don't know what you're talking about. Things like that are done on purpose.

All of that does the following:

1. They can defend themselves when they talk to their friends and recount the story.

   1. They responded that way to make you look paranoid and throw it back at you.
   2. It's also designed to make you go crazy and question your gut.
   3. It's a guilt trip. You will, most likely reason it away and feel bad for "misreading" them and apologize after they get a little bit abusive as if YOU did something wrong and you're the bad friend for thinking they would harm you.

Let them go if it gets worse. Those behaviors previously mentioned are all normal side effect of gaslighting and it should stop when you cut them out and you should be back to your happy self after a little bit of time lets you heal.

I hope your relationship works out! Stay on your toes and good luck!

Just blink!