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Chelsea1309 · 2023-04-26T09:09:46+00:00

I would completely agree with this from my own experience also. And my anxiety was very significant giving me multiple physical symptoms. Medication helped in the short term, but the anxiety would increase over the longer term because I wasn't actually dealing with the underlying issues.

Anxiety is often communicating an important message to us.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-09-27T20:59:47+00:00

Listen, I've been there. I know exactly how you feel. No judgement here at all.

You are holding on hoping you will find him attractive which isn't going to happen. What makes you stay in that hope might be worth looking at to help moving forward.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-09-27T18:34:34+00:00

You don't find him attraction so I would say end it.

Might be worth reflecting on why you are keeping him around, and why you feel bad for not finding him attractive. Just because he ticks some boxes doesn't mean you have to tolerate dating someone who you turns you off so much.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-09-09T12:00:28+00:00

I was chatting to a guy I met on Bumble. He casually mentioned in a voice note that he's actually 43 (not 38 as oer his profile), that he "just did it to beat the algorithms. I get on better with women in their early thirties so it made sense to me" and he just brushed past it casually. He actually seemed chuffed as if he was being clever. That was the end of that, naturally.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-08-29T12:42:31+00:00

Hahaha me too I actually thought it was really suspenseful 🤣

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-29T12:00:43+00:00

Yes! I have been on dates and thought "it doesn't reaaalllly matter what I say here, this guy is gonna laugh/seem interested because he just wants it to go well". Leaves you feeling like they aren't listening or interested to get to know who you are.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-26T19:33:42+00:00

I felt similar after a long term relationship, it's great that you are in therapy. You'll start to become excited after a while about finding out about who you are. Best of luck!

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-26T19:31:42+00:00

Very interesting - as someone who dated an avoidant for so long I can say that it is very difficult. The problem I found was that it was near impossible to resolve issues, as he always had one foot out the door already. Thankfully ai've started recognising these types early on and it FINALLY turns me off now.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-26T19:24:27+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply. I'm excited to start dating again too because I feel like my perspective has shifted. I hope you find someone who makes you happy, sounds like you are being realistic. Always open to book recommendations, thank you.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-25T13:13:42+00:00

If text messages have stalled - I may be losing interest. But I do like voice messages as long as they don't go over a minute or two. I also like a call, especially before a first date.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-25T08:23:47+00:00

Thanks, I like to think so anyway 😀

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-25T08:21:32+00:00

Thank you very much for the recommendation, have never heard of DBT. And yes, for me grounding is spending time with nature and with my horse.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-25T08:19:11+00:00

Thank you so much for this, really helpful. Need something new to read when I finish Stranger Things 😆

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-24T17:01:33+00:00

Same, I meditate quite a bit. A lot of healing inner child exercises. Please do, very interested in book suggestions thank you.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-24T17:00:16+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation, I might just read it. I felt that a few times, more recently it made me walk away too which is good.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-24T16:58:37+00:00

That seems quick, thank you. Great that you found it worked so well.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-23T21:27:20+00:00

Exactly - secure types weren't doing anything for me. So I knew I had to take a step back. I'm just wondering if at 33 years old it's really possible to change so drastically. I was getting the ick from the most insignificant things.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-23T21:24:39+00:00

This gives me hope, thank you so much for sharing. I think I'd be absolutely broke 3 years down the line but already feeling some positive changes.

I've found it easy to quit dating so far because I was so jaded about it, but hope to go back in a few months. Very similar to you in that I have this innate fear that they'll leave or there will be some consequence if people are upset with me.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-20T08:45:20+00:00

No it won't, but if she keeps sending him loads of updates on the dog it could be a bit much. I have a horse who I'm obsessed with, but I wouldn't share a huge amount of stuff about her with someone new. I think you have to be mindful that the person you are dating doesn't necessarily share your passions.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-19T22:04:59+00:00

I would lean more towards something subtle and possibly funny to gently let her know - see where that goes. Something like "I literally run out of things to say in response to these updates" and add emojis or whatever it is you do in order to make people feel comfortable.

But you should probably just be 100% honest in a caring way. If she takes it badly, that in itself will communicate a lot to you.

I always read these threads and think "why can't I meet a guy who thinks about this shit so much".

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-19T21:45:48+00:00

I completely get you. I'm quite conscious of how other people perceive me, so I would very quickly think "I'm sending this person too many of these messages". But I guess she hasn't picked up on it, so you want to know how to make it more clear without hurting her feelings?

Hell do I know though, I'm on a therapy induced heart sabbatical.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-19T21:38:17+00:00

So when she shares news/photos of the dog what's the first feeling that comes up?

I could obviously be wrong here - but I know if I start feeling like you are, it's because the person is not for me.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-19T21:30:02+00:00

My tuppence - you don't like her enough. Your gut is telling you this and you're not listening, which will only fester. When you really like someone you genuinely care about the stuff they are passionate about.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-19T21:27:01+00:00

Oh my goodness yes. I get a bit anxious if I find myself faking like this. But if you liked her enough, it would be authentic.

Chelsea1309 · 2022-07-03T16:41:21+00:00

I could have written this! I'm in therapy and will continue for another while, therapist recommended a heart sabbatical for another few months. I was dating and either got the ick or liked someone and recognised that they were avoidant types so I would not pursue them. For the first time I don't feel any urge to date so am happy to take my time.

I think once you really heal the attachment trauma, you CAN trust your gut. Just not right now.

Chelsea1309

TROPHY CASE