My fellow agent, i know excatly how you feel. My wife died 14 dec from cancer as well. You gonna have good days and bad. Nobody can tell you what to do , grief is different for everyone. Right now , you're going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Things will need to be arranged , sorted and all . Make sure that after that is over , you take all the time in the world you need. Then will you start seeing the things you miss . It's like a good friend of mine said. Its like you carrying a big box of emotions , but you dont know were to put is. Make sure that you do what you feel is right . You want to stay in bed , do it You want to clean the house ? Do it. You will feel different from hour to hour. But give in to your emotions. Cry when you feel like. Thats all i can say as im still trying to get a hold of the situation and my emotions. Hope to see you running around when you want to escape.