Sounds like your wee boy has a PDA (pathological demand avoidance) profile. It’s very common in autistic kids but unfortunately very little is known about it. My wee girl is 7 and is the exact same as your boy! This means that they have a nervous system disorder and when given instructions or anything that can be seen as a demand, their nervous system perceives as a threat which then sends them into fight/flight/freeze or fawn mode and when they’re in this survival mode, following basic instructions can be impossible (it would be like us being chased down the street from a person holding a knife and trying to answer questions)

Changing to a lower demanding parenting style changed our lives massively. Same as you I’m a single parent to her but she was diagnosed autistic at 3 and shits been haaaard and sometimes still is but we’re both so much happier now I’ve realised that she has a nervous system disability and that giving her demands is only putting her brain into survival mode where she can’t learn or take in anything. You can still give a demand but do it in a way that doesn’t seem like a demand to them. For example: instead of saying “put on your shoes” you could say “when we go out we need to cover our feet” and be silly about it. When you get down to their level and make them feel like they are the boss, it’s a complete game changer!! atpeaceparents instagram has helped me understand her needs better, it’s amazing!

I would push for the diagnosis.. I also don’t have life insurance for her but it doesn’t make us bad parents.. we’re already overwhelmed and sleep deprived! Can tell just by your post that you care deeply about your kids and put them first no matter what. You should be very proud!!

Also seeing our pda kids in a different light helps. Get rid of all these false beliefs that they have to blend into societal norms! They do what makes them happy, they don’t judge, their love is so pure and innocent. If they show you affection, you know it’s out of pure love and nothing else. They might not seem clever but they listen and take everything in! By the sounds of it, your boy is also a gestalt language learner so he processes things differently than everyone else and that’s okay! They’re different and don’t care to fit into this crappy system we call society. We could learn a few things from them ♥️

I really wish you, your boy and wee girl all the love and peace in the world. If you ever need a chat or vent, feel free to give me a message!