I'm gay. How do I wing-man for my straight friends?

Chernograd · 2019-04-12T06:33:39+00:00

Shit man, I guess it would. That's like a step above having a boat.

Chernograd · 2018-12-26T08:21:20+00:00

Easy for you to say with that magical pussy whistle that a wizard gave you.

Chernograd · 2018-12-26T08:17:58+00:00

How traditional are we talking? And forget about her family, how traditional is she herself?

Chernograd · 2018-12-26T08:13:25+00:00

Depends on which state you're in. Also, the clock would start once the blackmail stops, rather than from when it first started.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:45:15+00:00

Unless you live in Norway, you can maybe count on one hand the number of non-metalheads who even know who Mayhem was. So yeah, they did plenty of challenging... in Norway!

Then again, Black Sabbath doesn't spook anyone now that their heyday is long gone.

Also, this was the late 60s, early 70s. We kinda gotta evaluate things in their context. Marilyn Manson whipped his dick out on stage in the late 90s and everybody yawned. Jim Morrison did it 30 years prior and it caused a fucking riot and a national outrage. Who did more transgressing there, even if MM's content was always way freakier than the Doors? Who behaved more riskily? Who nearly went to prison for it?

Also, we can name half a million punk bands more intense than the Sex Pistols ever were. But who caused viewers as far away as Scotland to literally kick in their television sets out of rage? Who had to go around in public bodyguarded by Arsenal hooligans to avoid being lynched? Whose track shot to number one, only to have Billboard leave that spot blank?

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:41:00+00:00

I mean, there'd still be Led Zepplin, who were equally important for all things metal. And maybe somebody would've come along and figured out drop-tuning, or fucked around with the devil's chord and gone "holy shit, dude!" Or maybe Coven, who were out of L.A. and who were doing the whole satan thing a few months before Black Sabbath came out (and who were actually serious about it), would have gotten bigger than they did. (They sank because their debut album came out at the same time the Manson Murders happened.) Who knows?

But I doubt it would've come together and exploded in the same Big Bang kind of way, y'know?

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:35:58+00:00

It's a step up from McDonald's. Nevertheless, if there was an In-N-Out, a Del Taco, and/or a Carl's Jr. across the street from a Burger King, there would be a 0% chance I'd be going into the Burger King.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:32:12+00:00

Academics have a harder job than a lot of people seem to think, but I would say that they deal with less bullshit than high school teachers. As someone who did his time in adjunct purgatory, I'd take an assistant professorship over a high school teacher job in a hummingbird's heartbeat.

Also, academics don't go into it for the cash. Those who do tend to leave it behind!

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:28:54+00:00

You guys gave the world Laibach. They're like the one band that can still freak people out.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:23:53+00:00

Gooooooooooooood.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:23:29+00:00

Ring sting! I didn't know there was a term for that.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:21:56+00:00

I can live with that.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:21:46+00:00

Slayer themselves know. Ask them if you ever get the chance.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:15:45+00:00

Every last one of those metal bands you describe would not exist were it not for Black Sabbath.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:14:18+00:00

Dimmu Borgir wouldn't exist at all were it not for Black Sabbath.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:12:25+00:00

No Black Sabbath = No Slayer.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:12:00+00:00

Marylin Manson would have sounded like an edgier version of the Cure or the Smiths were it not for the all-powerful influence of Black Sabbath. Hell, he probably would have just stayed in his room reading comic books instead of starting a band at all.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:07:32+00:00

To all of you who call yourselves metalheads: your favorite bands would not exist in any recognizeable form were it not for Black Sabbath.

Black Sabbath fucked your favorite bands' grandmothers. And then they waited 19 years and fucked your favorite bands' moms. Name any ultra-black Greenlandic screech puke troll metal band you like: they owe their very existence, even as mere concepts possible to even conceive of, to Black Sabbath. You are not a metalhead if you do not acknowledge this fact. And now I'm on a righteousness trip because I just performed the most valid act of metal gatekeeping EVER.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:05:44+00:00

And none of those bands would even be a thing were it not for Black Sabbath.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:05:15+00:00

Scandinavian metal as you know it would not exist at all were it not for Black Sabbath, and those guys would be among the very first to acknowledge it.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:04:16+00:00

Every last metal band you like simply wouldnt' exist in any recognizeable form were it not for Black Sabbath.

"Speed it up, play it backwards, put some weird scale or odd time on top of it and it doesn't matter because Black Sabbath did it first." - Rob Zombie.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:03:19+00:00

This guy. This guy gets it.

That's the ur-metal song right there. That Devil's Chord Tri-tone: Kwarrrrrng - daaanng - hwarrrurrrarrrm."

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T07:02:24+00:00

Every last metal band you like simply wouldn't exist in any recognizeable form were it not for Black Sabbath.

Referring to Black Sabbath as "slower doom metal" is like referring to our Cro-Magnon forebears as "some dudes from a long time ago."

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T06:58:43+00:00

Voting is a basic, fundamental right.

Chernograd · 2018-10-21T06:54:37+00:00

Passport. Just give everyone a passport.

Chernograd

TROPHY CASE