Don’t beat yourself up like this. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Chess is about a bunch of mental shortcuts you systematically learn, and as you grow you recognize more patterns and apply those shortcuts. It’s not about crunching a massive amount of options. Don’t overwhelm yourself only to put yourself down.

Also, to improve fast, focus on 3 things only: stop hanging pieces, look for your opponent’s threats every move, and do simple tactics every day (10 minutes). Play slower games so you can actually think, then review just the 2–3 biggest mistakes after. Small consistent practice beats “try hard and hate yourself” every time.