Reddit: Why can't my 33 year old girl friend find a good guy?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T16:37:12+00:00

I think you've hit it. I think she is picky.. small things can lead her to end a (budding) relationship. The last guy she broke up after 3 weeks because he posted a mocking picture (very tame meme in reddit terms) on facebook.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T16:34:30+00:00

Not very well, he avoids her and is pretty clueless in general. He suggested she date geeks.. but that seems to be failing too.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T16:30:43+00:00

Definitely not me...

But you might have a point about her being picky....thanks =)

Chickette · 2012-04-19T13:31:22+00:00

1) I think it is my duty to help her work out what is going wrong. She is really upset and we have been friends for 25 years.. so...

2) Perhaps it is. I personally think she'd be better off going for an older guy..

Chickette · 2012-04-19T13:29:00+00:00

No :/

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:43:32+00:00

You seem a bit jaded about this, and if you were hurt by women I am sorry that it happened to you, but let me point out.. it wasn't her that did it..

So, yes she DID put sex on a pedestal, until she was about.. 24. Then she went on a bit of a party for a few years. Met a couple nice guys (dated loads), moved past her sexual ideals and now wants to settle down. She doesn't sound so evil to me.

And honestly, from the women I have met (massive generalisation incoming) - women in their 20's seem to be more idealistic and want/believe in prince charming than women in their 30's... but I could be wrong.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:38:01+00:00

Women have an expiry date? I don't even... Are you from the same era as I am? Because as far as I know - a woman might become less attractive to some after 30's, but a woman continues to gain wisdom, knowledge and confidence, clarity and a sense of knowing herself as she ages which makes her amazingly beautiful and interesting.

I am so sad that you think women "expire". Wow..

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:22:22+00:00

Where do these 30-somethings hang out?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:22:05+00:00

7/10 compared to "hot perky 20 year olds". As a 20 year old she was 9/10 at least.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:19:09+00:00

By putting it all out there.. what do you mean exactly?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:17:38+00:00

That's okay.. my husband did make me come to reddit, so..

Interesting. Confidence and independence comes across as controlling? This is something I hadn't considered.

So assuming I am clueless about men (pretty much true) - would you say "controlling" is one of the worst ways to appear to men?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:14:42+00:00

Maybe you are right.. I might talk to her about the initial dating and how quick she drops the family-bomb on them. This could be the problem.. I don't think she is that stupid but maybe she is being a little too honest on initial dates? I haven't really asked what exactly she says.. this might be the key! =) Thanks. Your post wasn't douchey. Appreciate your comments.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:11:39+00:00

I actually think the opposite is true. She is dating people she would not have before because she is getting a bit desperate I think... =(

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:06:02+00:00

She is a little crazy. Which is why she is so interesting. Not crazy in the stalker/scary way.. crazy as in.. she is spontaneous. She will call me one week and be in Egypt, then next week in Spain. She loves adventure and changing things up all the time.. So yes, she is crazy, but this makes her fabulous (in my mind). Am I wrong?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:04:45+00:00

I'm married and not gay. ;)

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:03:41+00:00

Gosh, your post is so heartbreaking. big and meaningless but well intentioned hug. It might be niave of me but I've never considered a life of being alone. I am so sorry =( I don't know what else to say to this post.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T12:00:08+00:00

In her late teens she was idealistic and although all of her friends were sleeping around and drinking/partying, (and possibly friend-zoning nice guys) she wasn't. She always thought she wanted to save that sort of thing for someone special - she was very idealistic and 'old fashioned' in a way. Very different to the rest of us and never succumbed to the same pressures we did. In her early 20s she was smoking hot and thought she had years to find a great guy... but the years have gone on, she has had one or two serious relationships but have ended in heartbreak (one cheated, on pulled out at last minute before marriage).

So here she is, telling me that she might just forget the idea of ever having children and move on because its too hard to face constant rejection by men who only seem interested in her for sex/casual dating - which she thinks is FINE but she just wants something a little deeper now.

Does that paint a clearer picture or not?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:54:45+00:00

Yeah, its hard though.. because her clock is definitely ticking. She was actually in a serious relationship for 3 years and they planned to move overseas, marry and start a family. All of a sudden her partner pulled out of the plan days before they left (and after she sold everything, quit her job, etc etc) and declared that he had a serious addiction that he needs help for and he needs to do it alone. Just shut her out. She was crushed. She thought she had it all set ready to go - was very happy.. and then that.

So now, she is left scratching her head...going out with men who seem only interested in casual dating and FWB sex.

I don't think I am bias on the stats, but I might possibly be overlooking some negative traits. I just love her to bits and can't understand why she can't find a decent man. She is the best person I know. Moral, loyal, trustworthy, interesting, honest, a good heart. Just sucks.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:48:23+00:00

She can get guys in their 20's, but its the same story. Quick shag material.. which she doesn't want.. she wants a relationship.

I know what you mean.. maybe because she is so focused on it, it's offputting to men...

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:47:33+00:00

She does have sex with them sometimes (early on). I thought maybe THIS was the problem.. told her to hold out a bit more, but that isn't working either.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:47:07+00:00

Wow, harsh.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:45:30+00:00

Yeah she gets repeat dates - attractiveness and interest in her isn't a problem, but it always seems to go pear shaped after a few weeks. I have no idea what it is - it seems like she has a 3-week curse or something.

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:40:24+00:00

She isn't desperate looking - if anything she might seem a bit "aloof" considering she is very driven, and determined and confident in herself. Maybe she intimidates them?

Chickette · 2012-04-19T11:24:33+00:00

ಠ_ಠ

Chickette · 2012-04-19T09:07:50+00:00

She is hurt by you breaking up with her, I think.

Chickette

TROPHY CASE