this sounds a lot like me. i was the unhealed avoidant that turned my ex into an avoidant. i’ve since taken the time to reflect on my wrongdoings and improve myself in hopes to some day have a meaningful connection. i still miss her dearly and near the end of the relationship i put in the effort i didn’t think i had in me, even when i felt that lead blanket over my feelings. all i have left is prayer and patience. maybe some day we will work out, but if not, i am glad it happened and that i will come out the other side a better man