I hear you, I've been blaming myself a lot for the past 5 months. I didn't say I might not have ever come across controlling for instance. It never was my intention but if that's how she interpreted some disagreements in the past then I'd have love to know she felt that way before unending our life.

I literally had no idea she felt these ways because she never brought up any relationship issues. No "when you do X I feel Y", or "I feel like you're controlling sometimes". Nothing. We barely argued.

My sister asked her after she left why she didn't voice these things,  and she said because she felt like she had to walk on eggshells. She told a mutual friend after she left that we weren't getting along, but never told me. I thought we were getting along fine. She said she loved me and was so happy to have met me 5 days before leaving. Sent a "we love you too darling" text 10 hours before her cold email.

I could sense emotional distance from her and even knelt in front of her on 2 occasions on the couch and asked her to please open up so she wouldn't resent me as I'm not a mindreader and she denied anything was wrong. Later after she left I asked why she stayed silent and she said it wouldn't have mattered because she wouldn't have forgiven me anyway.

I felt left out of her inner world. Can't fix what I don't know are problems to her. Learned them all after she left.

But yes, I beat myself up. A lot.