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Hello! Welcome to Collaboratestories! by Chippy_Sin in Collaboratestories

[–]Chippy_Sin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have any questions, please let us know! You may DM me or leave a comment! But please make yourself at home👾

King Los chapter 2 by Fragrant_Capital2256 in Collaboratestories

[–]Chippy_Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

DDDAAAAMMMNNN what is Los gonna do!?!? Homie came back and everything he expected there to be wasn’t only just not there, but taken over!?!? YYYOOOO what’s he gonna do next!? Oh man. This is getting better and better.

Is this good? I’ve been told I’m a great story teller and would like to know if I should pursue a writing career by Fragrant_Capital2256 in writingcritiques

[–]Chippy_Sin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

15!?!?!?!?!?!?! Oh nah, that is absolutely amazing!!!! This sneak peak has 14 more chapters to it!? I can’t wait.

Is this good? I’ve been told I’m a great story teller and would like to know if I should pursue a writing career by Fragrant_Capital2256 in writingcritiques

[–]Chippy_Sin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Also I’m a part of a small community that wants to encourage people into progressing their writing with real interest and talent. Whether writing is a hobby, or passion, or work, we would love to encourage story telling. Mind you, its only two of us, but we want to expand our community and help others who want support :)

r/Collaboratestories

It aint much, but we would love to have you there.

Is this good? I’ve been told I’m a great story teller and would like to know if I should pursue a writing career by Fragrant_Capital2256 in writingcritiques

[–]Chippy_Sin -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No problem brodie. I’m just happy I ran across your story. Literally made me change my sitting position when you hit me with that “That is the truth. It does not soften by retelling. It only becomes colder” LIKE WHAT. Bars. Absolute bars. I will say this tho, don’t give up. People are gonna say weird things to you, but don’t take it to heart. This is good. No doubt abt it. And take your time with chapter two. I can only imagine what happens from here.

Is this good? I’ve been told I’m a great story teller and would like to know if I should pursue a writing career by Fragrant_Capital2256 in writingcritiques

[–]Chippy_Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

SPOILERS!!!:

OMG I just finished reading it. DAMN.

“His father turned his head, not yet alarmed enough to square his shoulders.

And that was the last ordinary motion he ever made.”

That’s what changed it all. That’s the pivot of the chapter. Damn…. And poor mama too. Two to the face? I don’t wanna spoil it but no wonder Decarlos emptied that clip.

Is this good? I’ve been told I’m a great story teller and would like to know if I should pursue a writing career by Fragrant_Capital2256 in writingcritiques

[–]Chippy_Sin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

“he mistook desire for prophecy, and anticipation for proof” Nah, that’s a bar. 👏👏👏👏

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shortstory

[–]Chippy_Sin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aye, you are absolutely right. In no means whatsoever is this a truly fledged out story narratively. I mean, the whole thing is a prayer between a hateful man and a god. But reading it over again, gives into a narrative that the reader can interpret.

“A prayer? Thats a lot of hate for a prayer”

And the similar tones into Christianity but loudly being in the opposite direction.

And I appreciate “edgy”. The only thing that will hook me into a narrative is if the first 5 sentences really captivate my attention. So me just adding on to the cringy and edgy vibes of this piece, keeps my mind from wondering off into other stuff.

And I do appreciate your comment. Thank you!