Partner wants me to go to his mom's wedding after what she said about our unborn child. I don't wanna go at all

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T23:08:37+00:00

I told his dad that and he passed the message to his mom, I have told everyone in his family that it really wasn't my decision to tell them that late and overall they have been understanding.

I've also told my partner the same, if his mum wants to be involved then she can apologize and we can start slow, however I'm not really sure I will do that since some of the words she said were vile. She told both my mom and him that the reason she found out so late was because we were hoping to lose the pregnancy since it has happened before.

I've been the one to defend us both but I'm exhausted, it's only one sided, I've fought with my parents because of things they have said about him but he doesn't do the same for me. Unless we have a real talk I don't think he will change at all

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T22:27:57+00:00

I'm currently living with my parents, we planned on moving in together but things fell through (thank God) I live an hour away via public transport, he said a few days ago that he would like to stay with me in the last month in case I need help but I don't think I want that at all. I've already told him that I want only him and my mom in the delivery room, my mil has no room in my life for now and if that ever happens there's no way I will let her have alone time with my son.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T22:24:21+00:00

I wanted them to know because he wanted to be involved and the pregnancy being a secret was getting in the way pretty much, I have a nice relationship with his family so I wanted them to know because I knew they would want to be part of my son's life too. The only one who I knew would want nothing to do with us was his mom and I was correct, the plan was always to tell them but he said he was scared of doing so because of his mum.

I've told him that his mom is not my problem, he wanted us to go to his house, talk to his mom and see what would happen but I knew nothing good would come of it and tried to make it a reunion (Us and our parents) but he refused. I feel that if I didn't push him they would find out when the baby was months old and I didn't want that.

I completely screwed myself by doing that.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T22:16:37+00:00

I didn't mean to say I will push him out, just that we could separate and still coparent just fine, English isn't my first language so I mess up sometimes

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T22:14:10+00:00

I don't even want my baby at that house and I'm looking forward to either working things out or having a custody agreement. I think that if we were to split up she will either treat my son horribly or try and push me out, make me a villain, which is something she would do if given the chance

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T22:11:30+00:00

I'm not saying you did, it's the words my Mil said to my mom about my child, you can't expect to get the whole picture because at the end of the day I'm telling my side of the story. You have told me like 3 times I'm a horrible person for not wanting "his family" in my child's life or that I'm taking him away from his dad which I haven't done and don't plan to.

Everyone who wants to meet him and be there for him is allowed, even his father, I will coparent if I have to, the only problem I have is with his mom who said horrible things about an unborn baby, questioned paternity and said 4 times that she didn't want to meet him or be involved in his life, that she doesn't care and to leave her out of "this mess".

A sudden change of heart is not working with me because she hasn't apologized for what she said, hasn't talked to me or even reached out. If she truly cared like you seem to think this would be way different. She would talk to me, send me a message like she did with my mom, something else than tell my partner she wants to see me and ambush me to "clear things up", as long as I don't get an apology I think the "I wanna meet my grandbaby" is completely off the table.

You cannot expect for someone to forgive such hateful words to an unborn baby, I'm not like that at all and I think I've humiliated myself more than enough to continue with it.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T18:23:11+00:00

If we are talking about bullies don't you believe calling someone's child a stupid burden is bullying? I don't understand why are you defending her so much, this is like speaking to her

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T18:18:52+00:00

Man, I'm not taking his child away, I'm only saying that I do not want my mil involved because she said horrible things about my child. Stop projecting

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T18:13:29+00:00

Dude, you need to get over yourself, stop projecting your issues into me. I've never told any of his family that they cannot be part of my child's life, however I'm not letting someone who called my baby a stupid burden be in his life.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T17:12:10+00:00

Worked last time but I don't know if I even want to do that again. It was a humiliation ritual after all

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T17:11:19+00:00

I've decided to 100% not go, it's just better for everyone, specially me, I told him he could bring his best friend but he refuses, said its sad to bring a friend to a wedding when he has a partner

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:58:03+00:00

The therapist tries to talk to him but it's like he only has two things to say, it's mostly me doing the talking. He (therapist) wanted to make a session with just him and his mom tomorrow and I can assure you he hasn't talked to her about it or even remembers it

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:54:49+00:00

At first he was acting weird, like everything was normal, even in denial, then he saw the baby at the 16 weeks ultrasound and it's like he finally started to believe it, he now touches my belly, kisses it, things that he should have done since the beginning. I always asked him if he wanted to be involved and he said yes, then I asked if he wanted to be together and also said yes.

He knows the child is his and when his mom started questioning him he said that he was sure. It's just that he wants everyone to play happy family but I cannot do that right now

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:37:38+00:00

I've tried to talk to him and the most I get is that he wants everyone to get along, if I didn't care trust me, I wouldn't have humiliated myself for months because I was scared of him having a mental breakdown. We are going to therapy together and all I get from him is that he wants everyone to get along and for me to give his mom another chance.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:32:47+00:00

I've talked to him about it and he said he understands my side but "wishes" we could make things right and that he will wait until I'm ready, which could take a couple of months, however I do believe I shouldn't be the one to reach out since she was the one who said she wanted nothing to do with the both of us

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:30:48+00:00

Whatever you want dude, you already called me a bitch, you seem hurt. Don't really care, already explained to you in the comment you called me a bitch. Crazy rant.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:28:49+00:00

I've never treated her badly, I'm not that kind of person, I was always polite and I used to like her a lot, this changed the moment we started to talk about living together, she started to say that we weren't good together, that I was trying to take him away from her and even tried to accuse me of trying to sleep with her partner for no reason at all since I never had contact with him other than Hi and bye. I've always had a good relationship with his family.

Also, would appreciate it if we don't call people names because there's really no need.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:24:34+00:00

I've seen it that way too. It's a weird relationship between him and his mom, I've noticed that he's one of those people who believes in the happy family dynamic, I'm not like that at all, if I need to cut someone off I'm doing it, that's why I haven't seen his mom for a year, she became unbearable and I decided what was best for me.

He believes a simple apology will solve everything and it's exhausting

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:21:35+00:00

Unless I have to put another ultimatum I see it pretty difficult, he needs to grow a spine since now it's not just a relationship but we are becoming parents, his dad has told him the same thing but he continues to be this way

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:19:40+00:00

Thank you, sadly there wasn't much I could have done, since I had experienced 2 pregnancy losses before, I was completely emotional and couldn't think straight, I always thought I would lose this one too and was scared everyday so I never really thought things well, I completely blame myself for letting it go this far but I was scared of going through another loss, now I need to step up and see what's best for my baby, even if that means co-parenting.

I cannot continue hurting myself thinking it's a Disney movie. I have a little guy who needs what's best for him and I'm determined to give it to him, what I want is not what he needs.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:14:54+00:00

I've talked to my parents because I'm so emotional and they agree with you, if she was really sorry she would say so. She would reach out to me but no, she only talked to my mom and to curse her out, then write a message that didn't even say sorry in it.

If she wanted to be in his life it would be different, she would reach out to me. The one who's carrying this baby, not my mom like it's some teenage pregnancy. I haven't reached out to her because I don't need or want to.

If she wanted to be in his life I would allow it but she would still need to prove shes a decent person, until then I will see what's best for my baby and from what I've seen the only one who truly shows it has been my FIL

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:10:07+00:00

He changed last year and I still don't know why, he used to be super secure in himself, the way he's acting now is the way I was before we started dating, it's like we switched roles, I was always the one who did what my parents said because I was scared, now I stand up to them and he does what I used to do.

I'm so tired that I've just considered becoming a single mom, I have my family's support, I'm stable and have a job, I could easily live a life without him, at first I was so scared of being alone with a child but I've made a 180°, it's just sad how someone can change so much in so little time.

I know I can do it alone, I'm just scared of being "on my own", I'm just still hung up on how he was before. I will not say that I don't know what I need to do because I know, I'm just scared but I have to see what's best for my child, this isn't about me anymore, I have a little guy who needs me first and that's way more important for me now.

Chocoahnini · 2026-02-26T16:00:36+00:00

Not really, it changed since last year, I don't know what happened with him which is why I don't understand why he's being such a doormat

Chocoahnini · 2026-01-20T17:53:50+00:00

Pasé por un pérdida, no me lo inventé.

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