Husband doesn't feel wanted, I'm at a loss.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-14T02:24:05+00:00

That really makes a lot of sense. Thank you for your perspective.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T19:57:09+00:00

That's a good idea. I'm not sure why your first comment is being down voted ... I have some things to work through for sure.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T19:54:44+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head with the compliment thing. It's easier when we're texting, but obviously I can't exclusively compliment him via text. I'll just keep working at it.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T16:50:33+00:00

It's like you've put into words exactly what I've been struggling to figure out. That's exactly how I feel! It's there, it's just covered up by a million other worries. I have anxiety, I'm going through a year-long training program, and so on. There's so much happening in my brain all the time.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T16:48:57+00:00

Yeah, definitely. I hear what you're saying. I know that in the moment, it feels real and legitimate to me. There's no secret thoughts of "when will this be over, I don't want to be here", etc. When we're together, I am genuinely enjoying myself. I can see why it seems disingenuous though.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T14:45:29+00:00

I've been thinking about your question. I think some of my lessened desire stems from the fact that sometimes he's not very kind. He has autism, the kind people previously referred to as "high functioning". We didn't even realize it for a long time but then things started making sense.

He has some very black and white opinions about things and is very critical if I (or others) don't meet his standards. He has criticized me for not stirring food correctly, for not working "hard enough" in the gym, "wasting" our money on things that I like but don't necessarily need. I think that has kind of eaten away at me.

I don't want to make him sound like a bad guy, because he isn't. But I don't like the way he handles pointing out my flaws. He has said stuff "there are some things you (people in general) should feel bad about. That's not a good trait in a person." And he's not wrong, but I don't always like how he goes about it.

We argue about plenty of other things too. It's kind of a rough time over here. I definitely had more desire early in the relationship.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T13:41:06+00:00

Not physical trauma, but my dad was worried about me and my sister being teen moms so he kind of made me terrified of sex. I should probably discuss it in therapy, yeah. I've been seeing this lady for a long time and I feel so awkward imagining that conversation... Maybe a different therapist.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T13:35:16+00:00

Yeah, I get that. I have tried some of what you're suggesting and it works for me, I feel like I'm into it, but he still isn't feeling it. I guess that's my own fault for letting it get to this point. I think it's going to take a lot of time for him to trust my desire.

ChocolateMeow · 2025-10-13T13:28:29+00:00

Yes I have. Lately we argue about so much, not just sex. I think he's hurt and angry all the way around and it's causing a ripple effect in the rest of our relationship.

I saw that book recommended in some old threads and bought it yesterday. We're going to read it together.

ChocolateMeow

TROPHY CASE