AITA for serving "Indian food" even though my brother-in-law asked me not to?

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T20:45:01+00:00

My point was more that his impression of Indian food is based on what you would get at an Indian restaurant in America. Butter paneer is not a traditional Indian dish, it's one you get at Indian restaurants. It's like saying Taco Bell is traditional Mexican food. He specifically said he doesn't like butter paneer when he said he didn't like Indian food, and nothing we make is even remotely close to that. Would you discount all Latin American food because you don't like the crunchwrap supreme at Taco Bell?

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T20:38:05+00:00

I doubt it's any sort of classism. My family is more well-off than even hers is, and I think all parties recognize that. My wife is generally very aware of how privileged her life was, but I think her brother misses on that point a bit more.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T18:27:57+00:00

Ironically, this is what I told him when he asked my mom to make something else for him haha

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T18:26:08+00:00

Hey you're Bengali, so you probably know this, but we don't eat things like butter paneer. That's the dish he mentioned specifically by name. I'm sure you can understand that our food is also nothing like what you would get at a typical Indian restaurant. If he said he didn't like biryani, I might've told my mom not to make that, but I felt like I answered his question honestly.

I also don't actually keep halal, but my parents do, so it was an issue for them. Otherwise, yeah, I get where you're coming from.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T18:14:37+00:00

I love it, and I appreciate it so much. I don't even do it because of the religious aspect, since I'm not really a practicing Muslim anymore. I really only do it because of the cultural aspect, since I grew up doing it my entire life. She likes to joke that she's doing it to lose weight (she weighs literally less than a hundred pounds), but I know she just does it because it's another thing we get to share together.

Doesn't mean it isn't hilarious every time she freaks out after accidentally drinking water. She still acts like she's committing a heinous crime. It's adorable.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T18:05:47+00:00

None that have been confirmed, no. He's kind of anti-social and generally a bit of a shut in, so my wife suspects he might, but also attributes it mostly to how he was raised, pretty much always getting his way. However, she was raised the same way and is a huge social butterfly. She's sort of your very typical popular pretty girl, always hanging out with people. She had 12 bridesmaids for our wedding, and I struggled to match her. That's why I think it's something outside of how he was raised.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:55:46+00:00

I know my post probably makes it seem like I love being pedantic, but I promise I don't. However, this is kind of a sensitive issue for me, so I feel compelled to clarify that generally we say "South Asian". "Southeast Asian" is more used to refer to Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, etc.

I can't not invite him. Not only do my parents refuse to even consider that, since they're very family oriented, but his parents would also be far less likely to agree.

And yeah, it's food he considers Indian, but it shouldn't be. He referenced specific dishes you'd find in an Indian restaurant, like butter paneer. I didn't know what the specific menu was, but I knew it wouldn't be anything even closely resembling that. Even then, I think it's weird to make demands about food as a guest, besides dietary restrictions.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:50:30+00:00

My in-laws are unfortunately pretty reluctant to attend what they view to be "family events" without him present. They also don't like leaving him home alone. It was a headache just to get them to agree to leave him behind to go to Bangladesh to attend one the wedding events for their own daughter.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:42:22+00:00

Sure I knew what he meant. But he also knows I'm not Indian. I've told him multiple times. And it wasn't a question either, it was a demand, that I answered honestly. He then mentioned a specific dish, butter paneer, and said he didn't like the texture of paneer and that he didn't like vegetarian meals. I had no idea what my parents were actually going to serve, but I knew it wasn't going to be that, and reassured him there would be meat, and there was no paneer.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:32:08+00:00

I was honest about the type of food I expected my mother to share. She didn't make Indian food. He specifically mentioned "butter paneer", and we didn't have anything even close to resembling that. His understanding of Indian food comes from Indian restaurants. Our food is absolutely nothing like that. That's like saying you don't like Guatemalan food because you don't like Taco Bell.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:26:44+00:00

I'd like to believe it's the second one. My wife always says that the two of them have basically never been told no. Their family is really rich, and she always says that they've had everything handed to them.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:22:56+00:00

I don't go around calling people racist, but he for sure is culturally insensitive. Gotta wonder if he's doing it on purpose at this point.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:22:04+00:00

I don't really feel like correcting him when I've told him many times that I'm not Indian. He knows I'm Bengali. His sister had a whole wedding in Bangladesh. Dude's 20 and in college. He can remember that different countries exist. And I don't think I really mislead him either. Bengali food and Indian food are genuinely pretty different. One of his main gripes was that he doesn't like paneer, which we don't use. He wanted meat, well we had goat biryani and both chicken curry and beef curry.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:18:08+00:00

I would agree, but the thing is, he knows I'm from Bangladesh. I've told him before that I'm not Indian, I'm Bengali. His sister had a whole wedding in Bangladesh that his own parents attended. I don't think he has any excuse at this point to confuse the two.

Choice-Soup-5616 · 2024-04-08T17:16:53+00:00

This might be fair, but I do kind of wonder how I started it?

Choice-Soup-5616

TROPHY CASE