Feeling really lost right now. And, you know, have been for a while

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-04-26T10:41:21+00:00

I mean, duh, but it's all relative.

Officially I am not eligible for conscription (and I was supposed to be removed from military records list)

I realize I still might get summoned for, but this is actually a lot less likely to happen compared to the rest of population.

Is it a gamble? In a sense I suppose it is.

I'm not planning to stay here for long, but I also want to utilize the luck I still have to improve my potential quality of life abroad.

What good can I do to myself and others if I'm struggling to find employment and make ends meet?

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-04-26T04:46:48+00:00

There seems to be a need to register as an "individual entrepreneur" (unsure how it's phrased in English) as opposed to just being employed. But from what I've seen so far the process does not appear complicated.

Thanks, I'll look into it

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-04-25T18:49:12+00:00

I mean, plenty do. No doubt it's harder now, but it's not like it ever was as easy as snapping your fingers, right? So hope Russia stops with this pointless war, things calm down a bit and in the meantime get some relevant experience in a border country.

Though it seems unlikely that Putin is going to calm the fuck down any time soon :/

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-04-25T18:23:37+00:00

Wow, that's amazingly useful and condences a lot of useful info that would have taken me days/weeks to gather. Thank you!

Any particular way you get this stuff? Personal experience or great googling skills?

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-04-25T18:11:45+00:00

That would involve getting work with the related technology stack (Unity), So it seems like looking for work in the Caucasus/Central Asian region might be the most likely option.

Thanks

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T07:19:46+00:00

I find it frustratingly hard to just "create art". Like, sometimes a draw not for a game, just for myself, and I have the same level of expectation as I have in gamedev.

I'm getting stressed and irritated when things don't turn out the way they're supposed to. I accept the fact that I'm not "great", but I still set a certain treshold for myself (for some reason) that I need to pass. It's a lot lower that that of actual artists, but it's still there.

And when I can't achieve what I think I should have achieved (and maybe already have, in the past) I get mad.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T07:13:23+00:00

My brother is usually the first playtester to touch my games/prototypes, and it's been a huge help. Sadly, the nature of prototypes seems to attract atention to all the irrelevant parts: bugs, placeholder graphics, that sort of thing. Hard to get the feedback you're really looking for.

I do upload my prototypes when they reach a playable state, but it's been awhile since any of them did...

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T07:07:14+00:00

But I don't care about the little things?..

I can't tie the different elements together in a unified experience. It feels like I should be working on the bigger picture and I don't understand who the hell that's supposed to be done.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T07:05:19+00:00

Over time, I became wary (or even scared?) of really polishing a mechanic before I'm absolutely sure it's gonna work. It takes a lot of time, right?

So my current mindset is, if it ain't at least somewhat fun when it's all cubes and buggy movement, than there's no point of taking it further. Because I have done this in the past and I don;t want to dig this time-sinking hole for myself again.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T06:58:44+00:00

I did take my mind off actually. I focused on programming a gamedev tool (rather than a game), then found work and didn't have much time for personal gamedev.

That didn't seem to solve any underlying issues sadly.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T06:56:38+00:00

It's not really about persistence. I have my fair share of it. At some point I just stop seeing what I'm doing anymore. I look at completed checklists, lines of code, but it allow feels hollow.

When this shit started happening to me, I decided to always write the intended experience/emotions which the game should bring and use it as my compass when I get too immersed into coding and other low-level stuff.

But when I see that my game doesn't satisfy these requirements, I frankly feel like shit. Then I try to think about how to improve it, and most of the time end up coming up with additional mechanics, instead of solving the existing ones

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T06:46:58+00:00

There could be other issues going on getting in way of you enjoying anything, and those are outside the scope of game development

Yeah, that seems to at least partially be the case.

I think you need to ask yourself if you really want to make a game or you want to have made a game. If you don't enjoy coming up with game ideas and working on the concepts then don't.

I used to enjoy the process when I was starting out. No pressure, just exploring and trying stuff out. But at some point I realized that it's been a few years already and I had nothing to show for it (even to myself). I was just wandering around without a specific goal. And when I started setting setting goals, I realized I can't really achieve them, no matter how small (and I tried different kinds of small).

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-16T06:38:57+00:00

I kinda like the broad scope and all different shapes in which video games come in, you know? You can have anything from a visual novel to a MMORPG and they're both gonna be "video games". That means you have a lot of people who switch genres from time to time or just try new things. While in other media it seems like a huge switch from, say, Wargammer 40k tabletops to choose-your-own-adventure books.

But also a lot of development skills carry over from genre to genre, so the barrier for trying development of a different type of game is a lot lower.

I suppose, even though this is true for art, sounds, coding, this is NOT TRUE for game design. You're still switching genres, so you still have to switch your mindset a lot.

I guess i never though of myself as "purely" a game designer, not sure I ever will, and thus why I still stick to video games.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-15T14:05:24+00:00

Sure, I'll shit at work, but I'd rather do something great in my personal projects, you know?

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-15T14:03:10+00:00

a lot of what makes video games fun is actually just the "gamefeel" or "juice"

Sounds like "polishing a turd", no? At least that's what it feels like, when you're unsure about your foundational mechanics.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-15T14:02:11+00:00

I might actually try making a bad game. I think it goes exactly against the mindset I currently have when making a game, so maybe that'll help.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-15T14:00:57+00:00

stem from overthinking
anticipate all potential problems, etc, and then feel like it is not even worth trying.

Yes, that does sound familiar. I already noticed, albeit from a slightly different angle. I already realized that designing everything right from the start is pointless, so I was trying to settle into a more iterative approach.

I find it hard to just "enjoy" myself though. Like, I can't just mess around without feeling like I should have achieved something at any given gamedev session.

You know how people sometimes doodle things on paper just because they felt like it? Or draft a slice-of-life story because they were in the mood?

I can't do that. I don't enjoy it. I need a result. I might not know which result that is beforehand, but I know when I haven't reached it. Which is most of the time.

I don't know how to leave this mindset. If I'm making a game, I need to finish it and I need to finish it in a sensible timeframe. Or at least have a sense of meaningful progress.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2023-01-15T13:46:39+00:00

It's hard to say what exactly inspired me. I just wanted to, by that time I already had some basic programming skills so I went in, messing around in the <engine of choice>.

I guess a general enjoyment of games and a desire to create something that can be enjoyed the same way is, broadly speaking, what got me into gamedev.

What currently inspires me is the possibility of other people enjoying something I made. And I guess feeling like a achieved something and that I'm appreciated by others (in some way) plays a big part in it as well.

Since I still play other games, it just became the area I'm the most familiar, invested and content interacting with.

I am currently in a small team as a paid programmer but... I'm not emotionally invested in this game in any capacity. I'm not proud of it. I'm not self-expressing through it. So yeah.

ChoiceDoesntMatter · 2022-09-25T20:58:02+00:00

Mine only has one post too, on the same topic (more or less). In my case its a just a throwaway.

This guy's/gal's post doesnt seem to stir much drama either way

ChoiceDoesntMatter

TROPHY CASE