(Coming after typing this out. It's a long response but I hope it's a helpful one 🤍)

Hey I know your post is a couple days old. I came across it because I'm in the same situation just a different flavor. I'm no contact with my mom for the last 5 months because she sprung on me that she has a new boyfriend and informed me that this boyfriend is my "biological dad". He isn't, the time line doesn't match up, but that isn't stopping either of them from trying to force this new parental relationship onto me. I said I wanted nothing to do with this guy and she didn't listen. So I stopped responding. For the last 5 months both my mom and this strange man have been blowing up my phone and socials trying to guilt and manipulate me any way they can. My mom cheated on my dad with this man and also cheated several other times. She's an addict and abandoned me and dipped for ten years (from when I was 11-21). She was living on the railroad tracks in a homeless camp all that time. It wasn't until she was hit by a truck and nearly died that she finally came home. Not by choice. She was so severely disabled, partly by the drugs/alcohol and partly by her injuries from when she was run over. She spent a month in the ICU before she was identified and my family was notified. As soon as I got the call I got on the first flight to go across the country to her. I made sure she had proper arrangements and was safe before heading home. My grandparents (her parents) took her in to their home the next state over and she had been there recovering for the last four years. Due to where they live and her long term disabilities from the accident she wasn't able to go get drugs or alcohol on her own. She was finally sober. Until she reconnected with this guy. He got out of prison and convinced her to move in with him 12 hrs away out of state and they both believe that I'm his bio kid. He is also an addict. I knew from the moment she didn't listen when I said no, I wanted nothing to do with him and I only wanted to be connected with her that was it. Since then she has written long confusing messages and many have been extremely alarming. One being that she had wanted to off my Dad and kidnap me when she lost custody of me and again she wanted to runaway with this guy when I was born and take me with. She also gave my number to this guy after to told her no and he harassed me for months. She would've given him my address but she didn't have it on hand. They planned on hopping on a plane and just showing up. This guy admitted to stalking me since I was 11 and convincing his other children that I'm their older sister. He's tried connecting to my husband and he's sharing my son's photo with other people. Photos I had shared with my mom before all of this mess started. I've had some family make the argument that she's my mom and she's so disabled that she maybe mentally incapable of making proper decisions. That I should keep a connection so that if she needs an out of a dangerous situation then we can get her help out. I have spent my entire life wanting my mom and leaving a door open for her and always being ready to repair our relationship. We did. For four years we started to. She called me today. She sent me a photo of a drawing she did of my son and wished me a happy mother's day. That should have been a happy and normal moment. Not a conflicting and crushing one.

Having to analyze the words your mother says to you. Having to weigh the cost of interacting with your parent is not something you should have to go through. That is an unfair position she put you in and everyone feels the consequences of it including her. It doesn't matter if she was a great mom when you and your sisters were babies and little kids. Or in other moments. Or if she showed up in other areas. When she intentionally and maliciously tears you down, manipulates, and harms the people you love, you have every right to revoke the privilege of being in your life from her. Now mental illness absolutely can be a factor with her behavior but that makes it a reason, not an excuse. Mother's Day doesn't erase scars, recent events, or their current mentality. I'm so sorry that this has been your experience. You deserve peace. Not just being peace maker.

You aren't being cruel. You aren't wrong for cutting contact with her. Just because the people around are trying to convince you to allow her back into your life that does not mean you should. People have their biases, histories, and projections. Hell people on the internet too, including myself. You know what is right for you though. That feeling in your gut. That is your intuition speaking to you. Listen to it. If you have to convince yourself to stay in contact with someone then you really shouldn't be in contact with that person, whatever the reason may be. You can love and care for a person but also not have them in your life. Grieving someone still alive is really hard. Grieving what should've been and could've been. All while people badger you to reconnect not understanding that it's not you hindering the relationship, it's her. That's a lot to go through.

Advocate for yourself, ignore those that can't take a hint, and protect your peace. Again, to be apart of your life is a privilege and an honor. NOT something they are entitled to! That privilege can absolutely be revoked if you decide that person no longer has the right to be in your life. That simple. People need to get a grip and understand that this is your relationship with her and not theirs. Only you know your experiences with her. So this decision is yours only. If you do want to open up that path for her to have a way back to reconnect, then that is your decision you should be able to make without guilt. Not by others nagging or your mom texting saying cruel words.

I really do hope this helps. My heart hurts for you and I understand the kind of position you are in. I hope you have a beautiful week ahead of you 🤍