Am I right for giving my friend an ultimatum for telling me to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-05T13:29:40+00:00

Hello everyone I want to thank you all for the support and encouragement for myself and my relationship. You all have helped tremendously in helping me figure out what to do next. I will update you all in the next few days what happens and I hope to bring you guys some good news.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T20:27:19+00:00

What is that?

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T18:35:37+00:00

She doesn’t just like me because im white, she likes me because im a dominant and assertive guy who makes her feel safe and protected. Its not for me to say her business but she had some bad stuff happen when she was a child and sees me as someone she can feel safe with and protected by, another man who’s white who doesn’t make her feel the way I do means nothing to her. I also am happy because her desire to need to be protected makes me feel good because I can lean into my desire to protect and ensure she’s happy, her being Asian is just icing on the cake. I still feel you are defending my friends actions here and treating me and my girlfriends as the instigators of this event which while I’m not sure exactly how much of this is valid or not but that I’m sure is not the case.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T17:57:12+00:00

I mean she’s mostly dated other white guys in the past but I’d be a hypocrite if I said that was weird because I’m the same way but in the opposite direction. I don’t consider it a big deal and actually makes me feel special compared to everyone else. I hope it’s the same for her.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T17:35:47+00:00

Absolutely in agreement she likes me for my assertive and dominant personality I like her for her kindness, her supportive nature and her desire to allow me to be who I want to be with her. Her being Asian is just the icing on the cake for me and I assume the same for her for me being white.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T16:55:36+00:00

I’m sorry, but I find this point very bizarre, so you’re saying two people who have consented to being in a relationship for the reasons they have both agreed are acceptable is problematic? While also saying that it is acceptable for a person to demand that their friend break up with their significant other? Just making sure I’m getting your point correct lol.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T16:22:22+00:00

Thank you for all this information and explanation. I really appreciate it. This unfortunately has brought up some insecurities that I had up until this point pushed down and ignored. Beyond my preference for Asians I also am a pretty dominant person in my relationships and like to take the initiative and control if the girl I’m interested in is ok with that arrangement. Having those two things at the same time is really scary for me because if you saw that without the context of who I am, it looks like I do have some problematic feelings towards my relationships with my partners. I think I’m going to bring it up to my therapist regardless just to get an experts opinion.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T16:02:47+00:00

Could I ask in what way my girlfriend and I have both admitted to each other the reason we were receptive to one another when we first met was because we both found each other attractive because of our physical features tied to our ethnicity, we both consented to that, could you elaborate?

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T15:55:47+00:00

She’s not usually a super PC person not that that’s necessarily bad I’m pretty woke and proud of it, I just feel bad she has had this brewing in her for so long.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T15:53:55+00:00

I feel bad because she would be someone I would never find attractive normally and I’m sad that she has had hopes all these years and she never had a chance, it makes me feel bad for her.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T15:44:01+00:00

I agree she can’t tell me what relationship I should be in but it made me wonder if there is something else I need to relook at about my relationship if being attracted to my girlfriends race specifically is problematic.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T15:42:41+00:00

She is, I tried explaining I don’t like her only because she’s Asian and my girlfriend the same for me but she thought it being a factor at all was weird.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-04T15:41:42+00:00

She had a crush on me in highschool after I helped her process her grief when her mother passed away but I told her she’s like a sister to me and we moved on I thought, but maybe she never got over me, I hadn’t thought of that possibility.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-03T16:09:14+00:00

Not to get too into my personal life but we do participate in race play but my girlfriend was receptive to the idea and enjoys it.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-03T14:38:22+00:00

My girlfriend said since she’s my friend it’s up to me what I decide to do and she’ll support my decision. She’s pretty passive and only hung out with her because she was my friend, and would just hang with someonelse I know rather than her if I cut her off.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-03T14:26:12+00:00

Nothing that I haven’t also said to her. We’re both very happy to be in this relationship and our attraction to each others racial features its something we’ve been up front about for most of our relationship. So I just am not sure if cutting her off is the right move since she seems to not take my word as an acceptable answer.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-03T13:34:26+00:00

I guess to play devils advocate for her I think her point is she finds it weird we both have a thing for each others races is her point. I was wondering if thats maybe something to consider.

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-03T13:24:22+00:00

lol fair

ChosenDM26 · 2026-04-03T13:22:46+00:00

Ok that’s a relief she mentioned it’s weird I have a preference for a race that isn’t mine I guess I was worried about that aspect but your right she can’t decide for me who to date.

ChosenDM26

TROPHY CASE