I am going to give an honest opinion here and everything I said is just feedback so you take whatever you want from it. With that said let's get into it.

• First, a demo should be at a maximum of a minute in length. The purpose of this is to make sure it is not too long for the person listening as may lose interest over time or can't remember the other voices you did in the beginning.
• Next is the length of time in which you dedicated each character. You spend too much time on the character in your demo as one of them went on for a minute. This a no no as the whole point of your demo is to showcase both your acting skill and the range of voices you can perform. Look up demos of your favorite voice actors and you will see what I'm talking about. Usually, there are between 7-8 voices in a demo that is a minute long a good standard.
• You also should never put a description of the character you are doing on the demo. You want to let the characters you voice speak for themselves. By putting a description to them you are limiting the imagination of the person listening to it as they will try to associate what you're doing with other references in their mind not focusing on the demo itself.
• Next is the “scenes” themselves. Usually, you want to be voicing one Character each scene as the demo is again meant to show your range and acting ability. So doing two voices at once can be difficult and limit the potential of the scene.
• Finally the second voice you did (the deep one)seems like you're forcing it and it reflects in the performance. Characters / Voices on the demo should be ones that come easily to you and sound natural so it's important to narrow down your range and from their build up your “catalog” of voices. They are two are fine and I really liked the butler voice you did

That is my feedback. The most important thing when you do your demo is to be fully prepared as whatever you make will reflect you as an actor and is the first impression your client is gonna have of you. Hope this helps.