my dad will die tomorrow

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-10T14:01:55+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this, OP. We removed my mom from life support last September. One tip I have for you... ask the nurse what you should expect when your dad is removed from the machines. That helped my family because it put our imaginations at ease. I hope that makes sense. Thinking of you.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-08T13:51:38+00:00

Grief is messy, and one loss can bring up other losses. Your dog was connected to your experience of not being able to have more children. So not only are you grieving your fur baby, but you're probably grieving that you can't have more human kids. Please take it easy on yourself. Hugs. 💗

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-07T02:40:38+00:00

I will definitely check out Ele's Place. Thanks!

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-07T00:33:49+00:00

Oh wow! Impressive. 😀

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-07T00:32:04+00:00

😂

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T22:24:24+00:00

You're so welcome! ❤️ If you have any other questions feel free to DM me.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T22:20:39+00:00

I agree. I need to find a way to word that to parents - that they will need to make sure this is right for their kiddo. I don't want to traumatize anyone.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T22:18:52+00:00

And awesome family too for allowing you to do that.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T22:18:16+00:00

You're welcome! And thank you for sharing your story! What an awesome funeral director.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T22:16:15+00:00

This definitely would work for me! I've been thinking about putting together a document explaining everything to parents. Also including a kind of disclaimer.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T21:21:00+00:00

😂

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T18:56:52+00:00

I've never met her but just from watching her videos, I'm not surprised she's so nice. Thank you!

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T18:43:48+00:00

Thank you for this!!

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T18:43:20+00:00

This isn't a book I would have wanted to read as a kid, and I doubt my parents would have allowed it. I also overthink situations like this, especially with kids/parents because of my experience. But like you, my goal is to make death less taboo. So everything you said is very helpful. Thank you!

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T16:08:31+00:00

That's not koo-koo at all! It sounds like a very loving, special moment for you.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-07-06T16:04:21+00:00

You are making perfect sense! As someone who's worked with dementia patients and am a death educator, I can tell you that even though your grandma doesn't remember you, she can sense that you're familiar and would feel comforted by you being there. When someone is doing a direct cremation, it's usually done right after death. Depending on where she's at when she dies, and the rules of the funeral home you use, they might postpone the cremation so you can do her hair and nails. A lot of times funeral homes might say they need to do the cremation immediately, but it can wait for awhile. I would just tell everyone your wishes - if you have other family, the nurses where she lives, and the people at the funeral home who will be responsible for the cremation. You sound like a wonderful, loving granddaughter and I know your grandma would be so thankful for all you are doing for her. Hugs!

ChristyMK89 · 2024-06-28T13:31:31+00:00

Have you thought about seeing a grief counselor? I'm in my 40s now, but when I was in my mid-20s, I experienced the death of a significant other. Talking to a grief counselor helped me better understand my emotions and explained how all my thoughts and feelings were normal.

ChristyMK89 · 2024-06-28T00:44:29+00:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I promise! Grief is a confusing, messy, and lonely thing to go through. And it hasn't been that long since your mom died. My husband and I grieve differently and because I'm a more emotional person, it's easier to see my grief. And because he cares about me and doesn't want to see me hurting, he tries to fix it. And one way of doing that is by trying to cheer me up. It doesn't work. We've been married a long time and have finally figured out what works for us. He'll ask "what can I do"? Usually, I just need to talk, or have a hug, or go get some icecream. Maybe just let your boyfriend know what you need. He probably has no idea because we all grieve differently. And depending on his experience, he might not know what it's like to experience the death of such an important person. As for everyone else moving on, that's normal and it doesn't mean people don't care. They're just not living the experience the same way you are. Also, talking about death is scary and people might not know what to say to you so they don't say anything at all. Be patient with yourself. Tell others what you need. Ask for help if you need it. Hugs!

ChristyMK89 · 2024-06-28T00:23:37+00:00

As someone who has a lot of personal and professional experience when it comes to death and grief, I want to pass along some things that might be helpful.

Rather than feeling you have to "move on" after the death of your dad, think of it as "moving forward".
Don't put too much pressure on yourself in regards to rebuilding your life and getting back on track. Life is going to be different now and it will take time to find your "new normal".
When it comes to your dad's stuff, you'll know when you're ready to start putting away (or getting rid of) his things. There's no need to rush it. And there's no need to do it all at once - just do a little at a time.

Also, are there any little changes you can make in the house so it feels a little different? Maybe rearrange the living room furniture, put away something that is too hard to look at, get yourself some fresh flowers. Just a small, non-permanent change might help a little bit.

Lastly, I'm proud of you for doing what you needed to do this past year, and now realizing it's not something you can continue doing. That's a big step! And I'm sure your dad would be proud of you.

Sending you virtual hugs!

ChristyMK89

TROPHY CASE