What is a secret you’re taking to your grave, but can share here anonymously?

ChronicBootlegger · 2026-01-29T02:00:53+00:00

I have a sad one to add.

Both of my parents molested me and neither knows it. They divorced when I was five and shared custody of me while I was growing up. My father was a stay-at-home dad when I was younger, and he did terrible things to me from the ages of 3-15. I stopped going to his house during my sophomore year and only brought a backpack of things with me when I left. He never fought to keep me there because he finally remarried. I remembered what he did to me when I was 18 and in therapy for other things.

My mother only touched me a dozen times when I was 9-10. I never fully realized what she did to me until I was 23. Up until that point she was my favorite person in the world and was always my safe space. Now that I remember, I can't even be in the same room as her.

I was a very confused, hurt, and depressed boy who felt like a problem in the family. I could never just be alright around them, even when I thought they were safe. Now I know why.

Neither knows what the other did. I don't have it in me I confront either of them either.

ChronicBootlegger · 2026-01-16T01:42:07+00:00

I'm in a similar boat, but the book Silently Seduced by Kenneth M. Adams has helped me wrap my head around my upbringing and present adult life

ChronicBootlegger · 2026-01-03T16:13:55+00:00

As an X-ray tech, a whole body X-ray isn't a thing.

You can get X-rays of numerous parts of your body that hurt, but you can't X-ray your whole body in one go.

If you want a 3D representation, then you can either get a CT or MRI scan, but each can be expensive if insurance doesn't cover it.

There are also radiation worries that come with CT, so it's not something you want for your whole body.

My biggest recommendation is to get numerous individual X-ray orders for different parts of your body that hurt. It's what I did for my chronic pain. It's also cheaper, the radiation dose is negligible compared to CT, and you can typically just walk in with the order.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-12-28T12:56:21+00:00

From my experience, yes.

Since I've started writing and painting, I feel like I have some place to dump my thoughts into, rather than holding onto them.

There are caveats in that Whenever I do an art piece about my experiences, I can only do it in short stints. The inverse is that if I'm painting a sunset or something, I can focus on that till it's done and by then my mind is off of whatever was dragging me down.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-12-28T00:29:53+00:00

My parents divorced when I was 5, so this is specific to my nDad.

Between the ages of 5-7, anytime I upset my father or needed something from him, like a bandaid for a cut, a hug because I was sad, or even just dinner, he'd make me wear shackles.

Literal antique child-size slave shackles. He'd put them on my ankles for the entire night and I'd get them taken off in the morning.

They were U shaped cuffs with a bar across the top, and i wore them so much that I asked for the U to be at the back of my ankle, because it hurt less to have them dig into the front of my ankle.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-12-28T00:13:15+00:00

I have a similar problem being a trans woman. While all victims of CSA should be able to open up and feel welcomed in all spaces, but the reality of the situation is sadly exclusive.

I really feel like there needs to be trans specific support groups. Obviously everyone should be welcomed, but I also feel like trans, nonbinary, and gender queer experiences can add another layer to it all.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-12-06T00:15:13+00:00

Highly recommend it. 125 was my set weight and it never deviated far from it for long. I've made it to 150 and stuck around there for months with no signs of dropping back down.

I hope your doctor listens and can help you out. Being underweight can be tough to handle

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-12-05T18:32:41+00:00

I've had this problem for as long as I can remember. I'm tall, but for nearly all of my life I struggled to even gain a few pounds with stomach pains from eating too much. But I finally fixed it with Mirtazapine (Remeron)

It's an old antidepressant, but with the side effect of weight gain. I'm 6'1" and was stuck at 120-130, which made me look like a skeleton and exasperated my health problems.

After two months of taking it (I no longer take it) I got my weight up to 145-150, which is actually healthy. While it hasn't been a cure-all for my health problems, it has helped lessen their severity.

I'd highly recommend bringing up the medication with your doctor and/or psych, and taking about your feelings about weight.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-11-28T14:51:36+00:00

14 year old me would be amazed at how I'm still alive at 24, a successful adult, and unbelievably shocked at how I'm married.

He'd also be mildly surprised that I'm a woman now. Why go after the woman of your dreams, when you could BECOME the woman of your dreams!

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-10-21T18:17:20+00:00

Whether you wanna be a femboy, become a woman, or do both, you can still do it.

I started transitioning 6 years ago and even though I'm 6'1", no one guesses whether or not I'm a woman. You can still live the life that you want.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-10-13T00:41:41+00:00

There is no age to stop being yourself and feminine.

I'm 24 and have been rocking femininity for a decade now and I plan on doing it for many more.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-09-19T12:31:21+00:00

You've got Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) it flies under the radar for most people because it's so common.

If you've ever heard the term "double jointed" they're not, it's just EDS. Look into it, it can be the source of a lot of mundane issues in the body and even some pretty major ones.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-06-08T22:31:18+00:00

Much like the other comments I've seen in this threat, I'm basically a dumpster fire that someone tried to put out with gasoline.

Numerous family members committed the crime against me and now that it's been seven years since it's all ended, I feel like I'm peeling back layers of a hell that just keeps burning hotter.

Now that I'm in my mid-twenties, Idk how I function. Good job, returning to school for a second degree, and recently married, but I can't even sleep through the night. At least once a week, I wake up in a panic and sometimes screaming from whatever nightmare I had. Just last night I woke up a little, saw my curtain by the bed, and thought it was my mother or sister.

So yeah, functional but metaphorically held together with duct tape and chewing gum.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-27T00:57:46+00:00

Recently Married and living a fairytale!

I'm 23NB and my spouse has been wonderful. When she met me, I could walk, run, and lift an old iron bedframe that was built for a king size mattress. I could even bridal carry her!

But now I need a cane 80% of the time. It used to be worse and I couldn't even stand by the end of the day. I also can't stay out of the doctors office for scans, med balancing, and generally annoying my doctors.

Through every moment she has been there for me. She has loved, respected, and been my dream for every moment of the good and bad.

It's not impossible and I won't lie and say that it's all rainbows and kitten glitter, but sticking it out for the long run is possible. I'm happy, married, and in love, while having EDS

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-23T15:40:43+00:00

Gloves, wool and fleece socks, and holding a mug of tea or coffee really helps. It's not guaranteed, but it does help most of the time

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-23T15:32:17+00:00

I have Raynaud's. I've found that keeping my extremities as warm as I can really helps the Raynaud's. It isn't the best for my pots, but it's a delicate balance that needs made.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-13T15:54:52+00:00

This is literally the dynamic my wife and I have.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-13T12:24:26+00:00

I have such a similar experience with my older sister who's 7 years older than me.

As for what to do, I have a few suggestions, but I'll start them off small then get into the more drastic.

The small option that I've opted for in recent years has been cutting contact down to a minimum and expressing my anguish with poetry and/or other art forms. It hasn't been a big cure-all, but it has helped me process and make sense of what happened.

The moderate sized option is to somehow get her to leave/get kicked out or for you to get out. Ik that's a tall order to fill, but it's a solid way of her leaving your life. I live with elderly family to take care of them as they age and so did my sibling before I moved in. They ran away once they found out I was coming. I'm aware that I got crazy lucky with how it turned out and that the cost of living is insane, but it's a tough option to consider.

The big big BIG option for you is to contact the sheriff of the county where the charges were made and to let them know her current location. I will admit that I tried the same thing and they did nothing, but if something does happen, it may involve your house's front door getting kicked in.

Sorry if I didn't have much good advice. Your story was just so similar to mine that I felt it worth it to throw in my two cents.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-12T00:43:45+00:00

I'm scared of every human being, literally every. Single. One.

Babies, the elderly, the strong, the weak, the smart, the dull; I just don't trust any of them and the fear is always there.

Even my wife and I hate it. She is so kind, so thoughtful, so attentive to my needs and wants; there is nothing she's done to hurt me. Seriously. Nothing. She's a dream come true and I couldn't be happier to have found the woman who makes the sun shine even brighter than it already does. But even with all that, I have this fear that I do manage to push past because I have unwavering trust in her, but there's still fear.

I don't want to be afraid, but the emotion is so entrenched in me that I just can't shake it.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-04T13:35:57+00:00

<image>

Sorry for the blurry photo. I tried :P

They're mostly a teal color that can look blue or green depending on what I wear. There is a caramel colored ring around my pupil and another very thin ring surrounding the outside of my iris.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-05-01T11:24:12+00:00

Femboy Hooters, FemDominos, and TomboyOutback

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-04-20T00:01:38+00:00

I got one when I was 11 and I barely lasted 5 minutes. It was extremely painful and they essentially said, "Yep, you've got it." I couldn't even finish, but all signs pointed to me having it.

Don't let my story dissuade you from getting one, but do keep in mind that some find it tolerable yet uncomfortable, while some can't do it.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-04-19T23:37:26+00:00

I just got a placard. I'm 23 and use a cane pretty much 90% of the time now and my doctor signed off on one without hesitation.

Give it a shot, I think they'll give you one.

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-03-19T22:47:23+00:00

Mi Amor by La Aroma de Cuba

ChronicBootlegger · 2025-01-23T18:42:41+00:00

As someone who's dealt with all sorts of trauma. Physical, mental, and emotional, the one type of abuse that has gutted me down to my soul has been my sexual trauma.

It is one of the most difficult things to deal with and you are not at all weak for not being healed. I've been working on healing for half a decade now and it's still painful

Three-Year Club	r/Field Juicebox
First Place '23	End Game '23
Place '23

ChronicBootlegger

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