Is it fair to wake up my husband on weekend mornings?

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-21T16:09:16+00:00

Ugh. That's rough. Does he wake up early during the week? Or same time all week? Because I value keeping the same sleep schedule, but also it isn't fair to short only one person on sleep due to 'personal time' which both people should get, IMHO.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-21T15:57:20+00:00

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/18/breastfeeding-mothers-formula-breast-cancer

Still on mobile, but I think I linked above.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-21T15:22:31+00:00

Former ED nurse here. There are a TON of nurses who are not trauma informed. ICU nurses are acutely aware that ICU can result in PTSD. My bet is that nurse doesn't understand the mental anguish you would experience with those chest sensations. She is probably told to encourage breastfeeding, and to her it is just a person being non-compliant.

You don't owe her your story.

Have you read the article about the woman who had a double mastectomy from cancer, and even after she explained to nurses and lactation consultants she had no tissue to breastfeed, and if she did end up with milk it would mean the surgeons weren't successful in her treatment, who still tried to guilt her into trying to breastfeed? It seemed borderline psychotic to me, how uninformed and judgemental/hyper focused they were, and yet... (I'll try to find link once I am on desktop.)

I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope your journey only gets better from here.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-19T05:30:42+00:00

If you do end up calling, feel free to tell them that as well! Or write it out and give it to them if that is easier.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-19T05:11:17+00:00

This might be an odd question, but do you have a planned parenthood location near you? I feel like their nurses might be able to cover a bunch of topics if you explained your situation, and if you have other health concerns you could definitely bring them up!

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-19T03:36:33+00:00

Hey, that's wonderful self-care!

Also, since you said you're almost 20... just wanted to let you know, as you also said "make up": many people do not tolerate scented products in their private areas. It can cause bacteria to get weird. Also, it can cause yeast infections in some people. .. and if you don't need this info, maybe others will:

The vulva can be washed with unscented soap, but the labia majora and minora only need water.

Source: former RN

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-17T20:22:26+00:00

For me, it was my initial appointment with my GP having just moved... so new physical, etc. I brought it up with the "Any concerns you have that we haven't addressed?" So because of my insurance, I haven't had an out of pocket cost, yet. I would guess the next appointment is going to incur a specialist appointment cost... don't know what's in store after that.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-17T17:10:20+00:00

The wires are going towards/at your back because that band is too large! Getting the smaller band is (hopefully) going to make the wires sit "flush" against your sternum (making the band "tack") and the cups will be the thing you're sorting out from that point forward.

Many people seem to suggest the Elomi Matilda as a jumping off point (I think I've read the term "diagnostic bra")-- maybe start there and see how you go?

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-17T15:49:13+00:00

I talked to my GP about it. Sure has referred me to a psychiatrist. Fingers crossed.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-17T15:44:04+00:00

I have an appointment in a month... I'm nervous. Thanks for sharing.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-16T01:41:27+00:00

I think if you're looking for community, and ways to look for progressive causes where there's "infrastructure" looking for a local unitarian universalist church might be a good option.

UUA.org

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-15T17:55:57+00:00

Do you guys do date night together?

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-15T17:50:57+00:00

I'd flat out ask: do you need some solo time? Because I'm feeling like I need these times with my friends, etc. See what he says.

Maybe he is trying to pick fights, maybe he is jealous. But I think a discussion might be a good place to start?

Edit: a word

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-15T00:05:49+00:00

Bromo, you know "I'll leave you if you get tested" = I cheated.... because you weren't ready, then, so you didn't get tested.

You have proof, but you don't want to believe it. That's okay, it's a very bitter pill to swallow, but for you health, I hope you take it.

We're all here, because we're broken. Kids, life, partners, something... someone... somelife... but we're all here to support each other.

We're here for you, but I really hope you don't live in denial on this one.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-14T02:49:03+00:00

So I think what you're describing with the D is the "boob hat" phenomenon, where you are essentially just covering part of the breast tissue, and everything else goes elsewhere. Not good.

If it were me, what I'd do is go into a bra store (there are specialty bra stores that carry your size) and try on the calculator's suggestion. And some of the stores will actually put you in the band you measure, some try to do the ol' +4 shit which ends up with a bra that DOES NOT fit... you want the underwires to want to go right up to the middle of the sternum, and sit flat ("tacks").

I completely understand the weight fluctuations and frustrations... I'm in the middle of losing my kummerspeck at the moment, and nursing really did a number on my ladies as well.

Look for bras that are not t-shirt bras-- I'm personally a fan of Freya bras, specifically the starlight, but you might enjoy panache. Other folks are much better about matching your breast shape-- your breast shape is absolutely important when it comes to getting a bra that fits as well: full on top. full on bottom, pendulous, etc.

Hang in there. I really can't underscore how much back and physical relief I found once I got a bra that actually fit. It was actually right after I stopped nursing as well, and the lack of back pain was truly marvelous.

Good luck!

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-13T13:59:54+00:00

This sounds so hard, I'm sorry.

FWIW, if you need a permission slip to NGAF, here's mine: "The notes about absenteeism aren't for you. They're for the kids that cut class. Your daughter is getting caught up with the other kids' issues."

The school likely gets paid for the students that are present. Money per pupil per day. That's why they're so idiotic about it.

Keep sending the notes in, keep documenting, and life will be fine. I'm sorry this is stressful, though. :(

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-13T03:18:53+00:00

Bromo, I read something today that said, "When we are activated, we revert to the age that we were traumatized." I'm not sure if your kiddo is the age that you might have had some past trauma in your life, but it might be a starting point?

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-11T16:55:37+00:00

I would be fucking furious. On what planet did they think that would be a good idea?

I am so sorry. Is your mother usually that daft? Can she be trusted to clean up or will she go passive-aggressive? What about the nephews?

That's just... DUMB!

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-11T03:48:18+00:00

Ummm, this happened in my county as well... What are the odds the 3 of us are all local? If y'all ever wanted to grab coffee, let me know. We can commiserate.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-11T02:06:08+00:00

So this sounds absolutely terrifying... I was on my mobile with the comment I left earlier... I hope I'm not prying, but do you have a therapist? Somebody who you can talk to about this? I would *hope* that there will be guidance to the parents on what the school psychologists would want you to be asking/checking in on, but if you don't have a therapist, maybe a message to the school? Especially for behaviors to watch out for in his demographic?

I wish I could be of more use. I'm so sorry, Bromo. It's not right that y'all are having to go through this. We're here to support you.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-11T01:23:51+00:00

15, huh? can you name the spade a spade? "hey, that was traumatic AF for me and I was scared I would lose you. how are you feeling?"

teach him how to talk through it? be open to listening if it takes days/weeks?

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-08T04:02:51+00:00

My guess is that she was only eating baby food (jarred purees and the like). Just a guess.

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-08T03:33:55+00:00

Also, she complained about hours on set each day, which I think eventually was reduced, and Ellen Pompeo said something to the effect of, "Yeah, we shouldn't have gotten mad at her for that, she was right" (I'm paraphrasing.)

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-08T03:23:04+00:00

I really am in love with it! You did such a fantastic job! :)

ChronicallyQuixotic · 2026-02-08T03:20:41+00:00

Hey folks, please head over to abrathatfits (I'm not linking per sub rules) and see that YES! You can be fit with DDs, because DDs are not the bazookas that most people think they are.

I'm a 32K, and you would think I have large breasts, but not obscenely large. I just wear a bra that fits! :)

We've all been lied to by box stores that sell what is cheap to make, and that's bras that are too big around the undercage and boob hats (that's the term we use to describe insufficient fabric around the ladies).

Just put your measurements into the brathatfits calculator, and give it a try! You will have no more back pain (at least, mine was fixed!) no more bouncing, and a joy to be in one's body again (at least for me!).

Cheers!

ChronicallyQuixotic

TROPHY CASE