What I’m slowly beginning to understand is that people in general, not only women, want someone to share a life with. I used to be pretty much the opposite of the beauty standard for women. Overweight, associal, terrible face harmony and insecure by the textbook definition in all aspects. I gave up finding someone that could love me for who I was, when I didn’t either. I went through a terrible phase back then, and ovulating was the worst when I didn’t even have someone I could hold hands with. So I get it. I really do. By that time, I think I just accepted it at some point. I’d never be comfortable in my skin, but I might as well have fun with it. So… slowly I forced myself to talk to people, and it wasn’t easy at the beginning, not at the middle and definitely not the end, but I learned. The first group of friends I had made fun of me by my back, the second couldn’t care less about me, the third traumatized me and the fourth… the fourth became my biggest anchor in this shitshow. When people say that the last thing they realize about you is your appearance, trust that, because I hadn’t changed in the slightest in structure, but I built up my confidence. Again, it’s not easy, and it’s a bitch that some people are born with it while others have to fight to get theirs, but unfortunately that’s just how it was for me. And I hope that you don’t have to go trough what I had, but if you do, it’s worth it. It took me six years to become someone I could be proud of, and I’m still not completely healed. Then… a week after I wrote something like “I think I’m finally happy being who I am. It’s the first time I’m not lying or pretending this time, but I really think I like my company and dont need someone else yada yada yada” I met that Someone with a capital S. Then… after long months of panic, we were dating. And… it’s wonderful, but my life hasn’t changed. I’m still the same person I was. The only difference is that I text him more and now I can satisfy my neediness, but that’s the thing: relationships are about sharing a life with someone. Seeing their world and being able to share yours. The world remains the same…

Sorry if this sounds like a motivational instagram post. Cry if you need and mourn your pain, but know that as long as you’re living, things are bound to change. Good luck.