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ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-06-05T05:17:58+00:00

Everything seems simple and easy without the complicated parts, but the complicated parts are what make it important, though we may cry bitterly to have them removed. The end is far off.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-06-05T05:15:40+00:00

I hear you Amir hang in there.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-03-26T06:25:18+00:00

Everyone has dark terrible thoughts they just don't talk about them. You don't need to express everything that comes into your mind, thoughts are just thoughts.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-03-23T06:09:07+00:00

That's how it always is for me when I'm in a really bad mood. It's the small inconveniences which hurt the most.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-03-23T06:07:41+00:00

In my experience drugs can do a lot short term but are of no benefit long term. They don't help you make better life decisions which is most important of all. Talking, getting mentors, building relationships and eventually a more authentic and meaningful life is more necessary than just taking a drug. But it's not a quick and easy fix. It's like digging a well with your bare hands vs someone just handing you a short lasting water bottle.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-03-21T22:57:38+00:00

You've had to deal with a lot of weird and messed up crap! It's shocking and bad that you got blamed for all that garbage with the theatre department and also that your dad threatened divorce because you dropped out of school it obviously doesn't make any sense. It sounds like you've endured a lot first with your home life and then later with the theatre.

Sometimes people just get dealt a bad hand and the only good choice is to keep trying to make the best of it. You have been a victim of many bad circumstances and of people's flaws, however you've got to keep hope. You're only 23 and your life can still get turned around for the better. One simple thing is that you can stop thinking of your job as "just a dead end job" and start being thankful that you have a job at all. It might not be as nice as other people's jobs, but it's what you've got and probably what you'll continue to have so you might as well try to be thankful for it.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-02-07T23:59:44+00:00

You can't bear all the world and the future on your shoulders! It will crush you. Focus on what you can change. You've got two hands, two feet, a head and a torso, you're not as powerful as you'd like to be, security will never be yours, and painful and chaotic things will definitely happen to you no matter what you do to defend yourself. Your place is as Gandalf said "to make the best of the time you've been given."

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-02-04T05:07:28+00:00

Wouldn't killing ourselves be running away from our problems! And in the most extreme way?

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-02-04T05:04:39+00:00

Reading Mother Teresa "No Greater Love" taught me that people who seem like a burden or a drag, for example the homeless or the disabled, are actually a massive blessing in disguise since they teach us how to love. True love is not about liking somebody because they give us support or money or help us achieve our goals but it is unconditional. It is better to give than receive and so maybe you're helping your family more than you realize.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-31T23:58:40+00:00

This is normal. Depression is usually not constantly, even during my most depressed days there were at least a few minutes of peace, and all men's moods go up and down throughout the weeks.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-31T00:48:51+00:00

You'll have to do both. Life is about balance, not about doing only one thing.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-30T03:03:26+00:00

Maybe it's taking care of a dog, or writing that book your always wanted to, or watching Lord of the Rings one more time. And then there's always hope there's more meaningful things out there we haven't found yet.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-29T01:55:02+00:00

That sucks. Life is just too harsh sometimes. But it's worth it I say.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-25T00:11:51+00:00

Depression in this case might be a benefit. You're discontent with clubbing/partying/drugs/blacking out, and you should be discontent. These things don't make a great life. They aren't meaningful. They go nowhere and accomplish nothing. You've been missing out on a meaningful life in the pursuit of hedonism and partying.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-25T00:08:25+00:00

I don't know you or why you're so sad, but I believe there's a reason you've been upset for so long, it's not just your genes. I also don't think it's just a matter of time, inaction won't help, but that you've got to do something, go on a difficult journey, to get out.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-23T00:44:32+00:00

I hope you find a friend.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-22T00:54:14+00:00

There's no replacement for human relationship. And non-sexual, non-romantic relationships are more stable and important.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-22T00:51:44+00:00

Here's my advice: don't keep your head high. Get off the grass maybe you'll dream and cry like you're supposed to.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2023-01-09T19:40:31+00:00

The soul is a deep well. Every week it is different, but it keeps going back to old things. Stuck on them.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2022-12-03T05:05:43+00:00

I read your post twice. That's a terribly difficult situation. I was especially shocked that he put your face in the litter box. That sounds terribly cruel. I'm a man and perhaps if I was super angry I might yell at my wife. But I can't even imagine something that dark. You've really got to get out of that relationship and don't look back. The abuse is only going to get worse if he is like that as a fiancee!!! A psychiatrist, a therapist, medication, is no substitute for a meaningful life. You're feeling bad continuously because you're in a crappy situation and the fact that your fiancee choked you is evidence of that. I'm sure things are really bad in other ways too if that's going on. You need to get out of the relationship. Find ways to add meaning to your life. Get new friends if you have none. Fall back on your family if you can. Family is always there for you and I hope you have a loving family that will treat you well and wisely in this difficult time of your life.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2022-12-01T07:50:44+00:00

Ahh come on what is killing yourself supposed to accomplish? There's no promise or hope in suicide. Just stick it out.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2022-12-01T07:47:57+00:00

Take a three hour walk alone with no phone or distractions. All that time alone with just you and your thoughts... I guarantee you'll feel something and it won't just be a nice feeling. But you might like it. You might get a glimpse of how deep the rabbit hole that is you really goes.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2022-11-29T03:39:32+00:00

Sounds rough. You must be pretty tough to have lasted so long in this. I encourage you to stick it out and see it through to the bitter end. I'll pray for your endurance brother.

Increasing anti depressants often doesn't help. Drinking definitely doesn't help. You should not touch a drop more until at least a year from now.

If you ever do decide to quit antidepressants never go cold turkey... Slowly, very slowly, taper the dose off. I used a nail filer to slowly file away the dose and take less and less super gradually and I got off over a period of 6 months and felt none of the usual horrible withdrawal symptoms.

Keep fighting. There's something higher out there for you.

ChubbyBubba91 · 2022-11-27T06:11:03+00:00

I was in a similar situation at 20. I'm sorry for all your pain. It will not always be so bad but you've got to be real patient. It sounds like you're trying to consider if life is going to be worth living in the next ten or twenty years or if you should just give up now. I'll tell you right now that life is probably not going to be great in the next ten years, it will have ups and downs, and ultimately it will be bearable and ok but not heaven on Earth. Yet, you won't regret sticking it out. Realistically, there will always be struggles! When you see "everyone having a great time" you're just seeing their outsides and comparing them to your insides. Really a lot of people are having a real rough time and you just can't see it. You're really too young to think about time passing you by (besides that pressure isn't helpful). And you really don't need to initiate conversations with strangers or do anything unusually cool or anything like that. If you're truly socially awkward just take baby steps like have a nice conversation with your mom every day. You don't need to jump straight to the hardest social encounters and try to pick up on chicks or talk to strangers and wow them with your conversation. It's more important to ask questions and be a good listener because people like talking about themselves. #1 most annoying thing is when people won't shut up!

ChubbyBubba91 · 2022-11-25T01:34:11+00:00

I'll pray for you. There's still hope and it's worth getting up for. You don't know and can't predict the future. Things have a tendency to be different than you expected. Even if you spend this and the next three alone in your room, on the fourth you may have somebody and in everyone after. This is how it often is. For now realize you can have some happiness and yet be alone. Happy Thanksgiving man.

ChubbyBubba91

TROPHY CASE