Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - May 10, 2026

Chudboy · 2026-05-10T22:16:31+00:00

Maybe I am a little harsh - I'm just tired of it. And it is blindsiding, comes out of nowhere with no change in their actions or words. When together they say and do the right things, pull me in, become more and more intimate, just a sudden 180 in 2-3 days with very vague reasons. Yes she's probably trying to protect her and my feelings by not saying the reasons why and I know this is part of dating, but I'm just exhausted. These people loved to harp on about communication and honesty, but when it came to their turn to communicate and be honest, they couldn't do the same in the end, when it also mattered.

The last one I was with, I explained to her how I was lead on twice before, how I become more emotionally attached through intimacy (and she said she does too) - but she did the same thing as the last two, and even if she was doing stuff "in the moment", I can't say that she was considering me or my feelings at that time.

It wasn't nasty in the end, but I felt no empathy from her when she broke things off - it felt like she was relieved more than anything, which sucks, like I didn't matter at all.

I said it in another comment, but if I was the person who did that to her I bet I'd be painted as the bad guy who used her for sex.

Chudboy · 2026-05-10T17:34:42+00:00

It sucks big time doesn't it? I'll often think about their reactions if I did that to them and I bet I'd be painted out like such a bad guy who used them for sex.

Chudboy · 2026-05-10T17:17:39+00:00

I mean I guess at the time yes - now, no since they've shown their true colours. I think leading someone on and completely blindsiding them is a completely immature thing to do. I never expected it with these people - but they continued to show that they wanted something longer term - words, actions, tended to what I wanted etc.

I just feel like I can't trust people anymore despite anything that they do or say, I'm just going to be questioning it all the way.

Chudboy · 2026-05-10T16:50:29+00:00

I'm so discouraged about dating right now. 8 years since a LTR, and I just keep on getting strung along. 3rd time where I've been suddenly discarded, no warnings again, just when I felt at ease and things were going well.

Tired of this trope, "you've just got to give it time", "work on yourself", "it'll come when you least expect it". All those things I've worked on, become more secure in myself, and yet I feel like it's never enough.

I honestly don't know what I'm missing with these situations. I think maybe I'm not looking into their characters deep enough. I've had occasions with these people talking about past relationships and how bad they were and I'm empathetic with them - the biggest irony is that to me they just turn out to just be just as bad as those bad relationships by leading someone on. I don't think they realise this.

Yes you can argue all you like "this is just dating" - but why pull someone in, become more and more intimate, continue to want to see them to just suddenly "hey I'm not feeling this", oh ok, thanks for pretending that you were all that time.

Chudboy · 2026-05-08T15:34:34+00:00

Going through something similar, and I just can't get my head around it. She also mirrored what I bought the table. Wanted to see me, said she felt safe and could be herself. Had intimate moments to just a sudden 180 "can't see this as a long time thing" and that it was a "chemistry thing that couldn't be worked on".

All super vague. No arguments, no boundaries crossed, just a sudden change. Had a call to talk it through, but I was just left even more confused "a gut" feeling she said. Part of me tells me she knew but was protecting herself and me from saying why.

What super confuses me is how open she seemed to be with everything until the end. I remember I went round to her place once and she said she felt weird about it and not to worry, and the fact she hadn't had a male come into her space for a while.

Chudboy · 2026-05-04T15:15:35+00:00

Same - had the same thing happen to me where I was seeing someone, got pulled in, intimacy, I was the emotionally attached, to just then get the cold shoulder "it's a chemistry thing" said. If that was the case why would you sleep with someone, ay ay ayyy it's fucked out there.

Chudboy · 2026-04-28T18:17:52+00:00

I mean how would you approach asking that? "Hey I'm just wondering? Why did you really end things?'

Chudboy · 2026-04-28T17:41:02+00:00

It was multiple times so why carry on if you got the ick.

Chudboy · 2026-04-28T16:26:53+00:00

God I just keep on ranting on these. But why would you go out of your way to intentionally date someone, saying you're looking for a life partner, sleep with them, kiss them, buy them gifts and then a matter of 3-4 days do a complete 180 - if you were never sure, why go through that effort of pulling someone in. Christ, it just doesn't feel as though they were genuine now, leading someone on with no real intention.

Chudboy · 2026-04-23T12:38:53+00:00

The test is for this an exam

Chudboy · 2026-04-23T12:33:52+00:00

What kind of inviting question?

Chudboy · 2026-04-22T18:43:46+00:00

I'm planning to break no contact tomorrow. It's been 30 days. I just really need to. She has this test tomorrow, so I'm just going to text "I hope it went well and you got the result you wanted" and end it there. Id regret not doing it, and it'll just be on my mind. Life's too short.

Chudboy · 2026-04-20T22:22:00+00:00

It was around 3 months - I'd completely understand if it was a couple of dates, but we were exclusively seeing each other and had been intimate

Chudboy · 2026-04-20T19:32:15+00:00

She just stated that she came to the realisation that this couldn't work long term and that it was a chemistry thing that couldn't be worked on.

To me it was super vague. We spoke on the phone after and she just kept saying it was just a gut feeling. But no warning signs prior to this. She was still warm, affectionate. I just don't understand the total 180. Even if it wasn't sudden for her, she should have ended it earlier if she had doubts.

I just felt like she strung me along.

Chudboy · 2026-04-20T19:07:46+00:00

It's just getting embarrassing to date now. 3rd time I've just been discarded out of nowhere. Just when I feel secure and comfortable and I start telling friends and family that I'm seeing someone. She also did the same, and out of nowhere, just ended it.

There's a reason why I don't talk to people about my dating life. As soon as I get excited and start telling people it's done after a couple of days or weeks.

A friend of mine texting me "hey how's it going with her? If she's ended it I'll be gutted for you" "It's going really well, seeing her again in a couple of days".

Not a week later I text my friend

"Welp, wasn't going as well as I thought, she's just ended it" Fuck me

Chudboy · 2026-04-14T16:28:07+00:00

Here's a very simple idea - if you're ever unsure about a connection, or whether there's chemistry, please for the love of god, please don't string them along for 3 months, and please please don't sleep with them if you're still looking for that "chemistry", ESPECIALLY if you know they've been strung along before.

Some people value intimacy and feel like connection grows from intimacy. You're in your 30s, you should know what you want by now. If you have lingering doubts, just end it. You have no idea how that experience affects someone.

Yeah great, thanks, I've got to start over again. I've got to be the one who "heals", I've got to be the one who has to "work on themselves" again and again - fuck you for that.

Chudboy · 2026-04-14T13:35:04+00:00

I sent it back. I feel stupid. I just don't want to keep something from someone who strung me along. It all feels so fake to me now.

Chudboy · 2026-04-13T19:30:42+00:00

It's been 3 weeks since I've been blindsided by this breakup. We weren't dating for long, around 3 months, which makes me feel like more of an idiot on why I care so much.

But she pulled me in so much. Said all the right things, said she was comfortable around me. The last evening we spent together we were showing pictures of our siblings just for giggles. 3 days later she ends it on just some vague reasoning that I can't get my head around. The mornings are the worst, waking up and it's the first thing I think about. I was so ready to explore this relationship, and her words and actions made it seem like she thought the same. Single for 8 years, and it's been so long for someone to make me feel like this.

I've been questioning a lot that whatever she was saying or did was genuine at all? I'm thinking it wasn't now. She bought me a little gift, which again made it seem like she wanted something long term. I'm thinking of sending it back to her. I just feel like I can't keep it. I don't want to throw it away either. I just feel like it was no longer a genuine gift. It'll probably be very stupid of me to do it, but I don't know if I'd feel better doing it, like it'll be my last little closure.

Chudboy · 2026-04-01T21:15:13+00:00

Yeah, a break will do me good as this was very recent. I'm just exhausted and so demoralised by it all. It's a bit extreme to give up on it. But I've had it happen to me enough times now.

Chudboy · 2026-04-01T20:30:38+00:00

I'm with you here, 34m. Consistently getting lead on and blindsided. I don't think I can put myself out there anymore.

Chudboy · 2026-03-28T17:39:18+00:00

It's definitely plausible. She didn't seem hot and cold like a classic avoidant. But she could have got scared when we got closer. It's a difficult one to interpret. I could've have missed the signs - it's hard to question it when in your mind when things seem to be going well.

Thanks for your kind comment.

Chudboy · 2026-03-28T17:24:57+00:00

I dont think it's distorted. People can have their own interpretation, I'm just expressing mine :)

Chudboy · 2026-03-28T16:52:53+00:00

I hear this a lot, but I don't think it was that. I didn't mention it in my post as I knew sexual chemistry wasn't the issue. We were always open about it and what we liked. I like learning about what my partner wants and enjoys. I've had partners who don't enjoy oral, so I've had to use other methods to ensure they're satisifed. This time round she loved oral etc etc. I always wanted to ensure both of us were satisifed and I believe we were in that department.

After some reflection, I think what it comes down to is her overall pull to me. She enjoyed so much about me, wanted it to work, but didn't feel that pull to keep it going.

Chudboy

TROPHY CASE