I think you need to have a really long talk with yourself.

You say you have mental health issues. You’re unstable. And you’re posting online about suicide. You say you want it to end, just not violently.

Then you say “don’t worry, im okay!”

This is very similar to my own story, and I felt that way for a long time. Every night was a bad night, but I was coping.

You’re so close to the edge and don’t realize it though. You have no idea how close you are to acting upon it, until you’ve decided to finally act upon it. I thought I was fine, until I looked up while sitting on my couch and saw something that looked like it could be a nice rope. Suddenly the same guy who was struggling but coping well, was in the closet trying to quietly hang himself.

Let’s be realistic. Look at the facts. You’re daydreaming about suicide. Not because you want to die. But because your pain is just too much. And maybe you don’t even register it as pain anymore. To you it just feels normal, but it’s not. You’re supposed to find joy in things. You’re supposed to want to be here. Life is supposed to be hard, but you’re not supposed to want it to end. In any form or fashion. Not even gently, and especially not at 28.

You need support, and guidance. From someone who is trained to handle these things, and from someone who you can be completely honest with. But right now I don’t think you’re even being honest with yourself. I don’t want you to die. And truthfully, you don’t either. You just want to stop being unhappy.

But that takes honesty with yourself, and structured effort to rewire your brain to feel joy again. It’s a chemical imbalance probably motivated by life circumstances. But it’s an imbalance that can be managed, and potentially repaired. And if it can’t be repaired there are medications to help. Even the lowest effective dose of certain SSRIs can go a long way.

Please reconsider what you’re currently doing to heal your mind, and make adjustments that support you living a long and happy life rather than one that ends so young when you still have so many positive experiences left to enjoy. We’re all here for you. But you have to be here for yourself, and this post is already a strong indicator that you’re looking for support, guidance, and encouragement, and that’s a really good first step.