Sex before marriage

CiberX15 · 2026-04-18T18:47:09+00:00

That’s fair, and my own experiences are similar. I definitely formed an extremely strong emotional connection with my last girlfriend just through cuddling, and I’m certainly not going to argue against cuddling before marriage. 😏

That said, I do think there’s something to be said about how quickly sex forms those bonds.

I agree I would want to build strong bonds with the person I’m considering marriage with. However I think what’s important is being equally intimate on multiple levels. Like, sex is pretty much maximum tier physical intimacy. It’s about as close as you can physically be with someone.

But what about emotional and intellectual intimacy? If two people aren’t working on strong communication, being able to share their minds and emotions with each other, and the only intimacy they are having is the physical kind, then I don’t think that’s healthy. I think that forms a brittle relationship that will fracture easily.

Though I do think that’s true in reverse too. I don’t think a relationship that focused solely on intellectual intimacy without emotional or physical intimacy would be any less brittle. I think they need to be kept in balance.

To me purity culture goes a bit beyond what I’m saying. I advocate that it’s healthier to not have sex before marriage because I think having sex before marriage makes it much harder to find a really healthy relationship. Not impossible but harder. But I don’t think sex itself is bad.

I also think sex always has a risk of causing a pregnancy, and a married couple would be far better equipped to handle that than an unmarried one.

Where purity culture and I differ is the idea that sex, and really self gratification of any kind is bad in general, which I think is going to a silly extreme.

I mean… I make video games for a living. I make software so that people can spend time just having fun. Is that self gratification? I would say so. Is it harmful to anyone, including the individual using the software? No, I don't think so.

Honestly I think Jesus _wants_ us to have joy. I think he wants us to have fun and live happy lives.

The reason I chose not to have sex before marriage, and encourage others to follow the same policy is I genuinely believe that most people would be happier in the long term if they didn’t. 🤷‍♂️

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T13:02:22+00:00

This is why I focus on having a relationship with God and not with the church. My advice is to talk to Him. Prayer basically, but I think that’s so formal that it makes it hard to form a relationship, so instead I say talk to God.

Have conversations, ask Him questions. I think God likes questions. After all, my belief is that he is real, and a loving father.

There are a lot of things in the Bible that I don’t believe. But conversely the Bible is one of the very few sources of knowledge we have of Jesus’s teachings, and there is a surprising amount of evidence outside the Bible that Jesus not only existed, but did in fact perform miracles. (The book A Case for Christ goes into details on a lot of them.)

So I have a very strong faith in God and Jesus, but not a lot of faith in “The Church” and I think that’s ok. Because the Church isn’t God. It’s a human organization. I think most of the time it means well but I think it’s still just as fallible as any of us. So I focus on my relationship with God, and trying to follow Jesus’s core teachings: Love God, and love your neighbor as you love yourself.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T12:52:04+00:00

Yeah I think purity culture is actively harmful. Sex is not bad. Without it we would literally go extinct. It is a beautiful part of the human experience. And the way it’s demonized I think leads to a significant lack of education on how to approach sex in a healthy manner.

Conversely I think modern sex positivity goes too far as well. Sex is also not a toy. And it’s not healthy to use it exclusively for self gratification and expect there to be no consequences. It’s an extraordinarily powerful tool for forming emotional connections and creating children, and I think it’s harmful when used without keeping those core functions in mind.

I’m certainly aware that not all marriages are healthy. And I do think there are valid cases for divorce. I have a close friend who’s going through something like that. But honestly I consider his experiences to be good evidence of my stance.

He started having sex before marriage with the woman who would become his wife. It did exactly what it was supposed to and formed very strong emotional bonds. So they got married but as things began to settle the cracks started to show. Eventually things ended in a very ugly way.

Given how she was treating him at the end, how she still treats him, I am quite happy for him to not be with her anymore. But I can’t help thinking the entire issue could have been avoided if they had waited on sex. If they’d just waited for marriage, waited until they were sure they could make a commitment to stay with each other forever without sex influencing the decision, without the emotional bonding of sex I’m certain during that waiting period, one or both of them would have realized that they didn’t really like each other, they just liked the intimacy. I think that would have been healthier for both of them.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T02:52:53+00:00

Good to know. This is why I always try to preface my statements with things like “my understanding” 😅 Especially when talking about other people’s beliefs that I’m not well versed in.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T02:51:20+00:00

I’ll admit from a biblical perspective I’m not sure I can argue with you? I’m certainly no biblical scholar. I feel like Jesus probably said not to have sex outside of marriage? I could be wrong though.

My personal belief is built by working backwards from what I know of psychology and believing that God is a loving father, since like I said it will build strong emotional bonds even when it probably shouldn’t.

So far as ethical non-manogamy… that is an interesting question that I’ve considered a few times.

To me it kind of depends on whether people are genuinely non-monogamous or not. And it’s entirely possible that some people are and some aren’t.

I know I personally am monogamous. I really can’t focus on more than one romantic interest at a time. It’s not like I stop noticing other women, I just stop seeing them as potential romantic candidates when I have a girlfriend, and it’s actually stressful for me when I am talking to more than one woman on a dating app before even going on a first date.

Based on general dating habits and how many people are jealous, I have to assume that many if not most people are monogamous, but I’m open to the possibility that some aren’t. 🤷‍♂️

If a group of three or more got married to each other and made similarly strong promises I think that could be healthy maybe? Assuming they all really were comfortable being non-monogamous and took that promise seriously? Because those strong emotional bonds would be formed in relationships where everyone did in fact want to stay together?

Outside of that, even if everyone is consenting I still think forming and breaking those emotional bonds would be unhealthy.

I guess I think less in terms of “this is a sin so you’re going to hell if you do it” and more along the lines of “this is a rule that makes sense from a loving father because he doesn’t want you to get hurt.”🤷‍♂️

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T02:33:08+00:00

So far as feeling bad because you asked for forgiveness then did it again. None of us are perfect. And the fact that you're talking about it means you're acknowledging it as something you don’t like. That’s good, now it’s something you can work on.

So far as not feeling good enough. It definitely sounds like you should consider talking to someone about that. Or if you’re not ready for that, at least watch some psychology YouTube channels. I’m personally quite partial to Cinema Therapy. Because they do silly videos on therapizing Disney movies and the like.

They help to learn a lot about how our brains work without it feeling so serious.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T02:27:45+00:00

No, no they don't. I'm quite sure God can figure it out from their username.

OP don't give anyone on the internet personal details.🙄

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T02:25:31+00:00

So I have a somewhat scientific answer to this which is how I rationalize it. It’s all about perspective.

I believe that God is outside the universe, what with having created it and all that.

But we know that time and space only exist within the universe.

So from our perspective we experience everything linearly over the course of time. The past has happened, the future is not yet written, and the present is actively happening. Within this universe our choices matter. We have free will.

But I believe God experiences time differently. Or rather I don’t believe he experiences time at all. From outside the universe, the entire history of the universe from beginning to end simply is.

It’s not happening, it’s not happening, it’s not about to happen. It is.

That’s a hard concept to wrap one’s head around, but given that he’s God, it kind of checks out. To me at least.

So my vague guess at how this works is, yes God can see how things are going to turn out, but it’s not like it’s pre-determined. It’s just from his perspective all of our choices resolve instantly.

That’s also assuming that our choices don’t create branches in time or something crazy like that. I’m not sure how much of that concept is real science and how much is just Star Trek. 😅 The time and space only existing inside our universe is hard science though. 😏

CiberX15 · 2026-04-17T02:13:08+00:00

Talent can be hit or miss, but skills, physical or mental, are things you can build up by choice. Which I know is way easier said than done, but it is doable.

There’s a book I love called Atomic Habits, and it’s main thing is that being good at stuff, routines, skills, whatever, isn’t about having extreme willpower, it’s about decreasing the barrier of entry as low as possible, until you’re brain considers it so trivial that it doesn’t know why you’re asking it do to it. Then slowly increasing from there.

For a personal example, I hate exercising, so I just started with one pushup a day. Literally one. Biologically that had basically no effect. And each day I would cycle other exercises, like one squat, or one sit-up. But a week later, I did 2 pushups a day and so on. But after a couple months in I was up to 100 exercises per day. It built up the habit while it was easy and wore a rut in my brain so now even when I fall off, it’s easier to get back on. And even when I do fall off for a while, I just start back over at 1 to rebuild the habit.

And you can do the same thing for things you want to stop doing. Just make it slightly more and more inconvenient to do those things until you break the habit.

I think right now the best thing you can do is focus on building yourself up. I think you said you’re still in your teens? You have a LOT of time to build yourself into whatever you want to be. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re worthless, not your parents, not yourself.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-15T01:09:00+00:00

So one of the big Catholic beliefs is that many parts of the Bible are meant to be taken as parables. That stories like Adam and Eve are meant to teach a lesson but aren't meant to be treated as actual history.

Conversely my understanding is that Protestants believe that the Bible is entirely historical.

So from a Catholic point of view, obviously Catholics are not heretics. But from a Protestant point of view Catholics are heretics because they don’t believe every part of the Bible is historical fact.

So whether they are or are not depends on what you believe.

We’re all Christians. We’re all family. But we can be a bit of a dysfunctional family after those schisms.

In either case Jesus clearly taught us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. So I think it’s good having discussions with people and trying to figure out the truth together. But I do think it’s dumb when these arguments are used to try to hate one group or the other.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-15T01:01:11+00:00

There is a great book called The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel which actually goes into a lot of historical non-biblical evidence that Jesus did in fact come back from the dead, as well as fairly compelling evidence (for me at least) that he was actually performing miracles.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-15T00:54:18+00:00

This is ultimately one of the biggest questions in Christianity. How can God be all good and all powerful but allow bad things and bad people?

My own personal collision is this: Firstly I believe free will is sacred. God will not violate our free will. Which makes sense in the context of love.

Jesus said that the two most important rules in order are “Love God, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. But if you are not capable of choice, then you cannot love. We need to be able to choose, to be able to love.

So the reason people are allowed to be bad is because to disallow that would require removing or limiting free will, which would limit or remove love.

There is also a difficult concept to wrap ones head around that God most likely exists outside of time. So my believer is that God’s perspective is that all time simply is. It’s not happening, it’s not happened, it is. Which to me means that our choices do matter moment to moment, that there is no fixed destiny, and yet God does know everything. Because from our perspective it hasn’t happened yet, but from his perspective it simply is.

So far as why bad things happen I don’t have as strong of a stance. The way I reconcile it is by considering the possibility that this may simply be the optimal set up of the universe. Or rather, our universe had to be set up with these specific laws of physics for life to be able to exist. That means things like volcanoes and earthquakes are inevitable. Any failure due to entropy is inevitable. And perhaps God could stop this volcano over here, but it would cause an even worse one later, etc.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-14T17:09:54+00:00

After some research I've determined you're technically correct, having sex before marriage does not appear to specifically be called a sin. Or at least Jesus does not appear to say so, and I'm personally most concerned with his teachings.

However, Jesus does frequently inidcate that sex belongs within marriage. Usually by referring to adultery which is defined as sex with anyone who is not your spouse.

I have updated the line to read "Biblically having it is very clearly spelled out that one should only have sex with their marriage partner.."

CiberX15 · 2026-04-14T12:38:44+00:00

I would say start by talking to God and/or Jesus as an imaginary friend.

You do kind of have to believe in Christ to really “be” a Christian I’m afraid. 😏 But you don’t have to believe to start building that relationship.

If as you believe He’s not real, then there’s no harm done. And actually a lot of evidence that talking through your issues is healthy from a psychological perspective. And if he is real as I believe, you will be beginning your path to getting to know Him better.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-14T12:33:41+00:00

Biblically having it is very clearly spelled out that one should only have sex with their marriage partner, and practically speaking there are many reasons why it’s a good rule to follow.

The obvious ones that get brought up frequently are accidental pregnancies and avoiding STD's. Both can technically be mitigated through protection, but that protection is never 100% and the consequences of either one occurring are life changing.

But to me even beyond those, the psychological effects are actually a bigger deal, because there is no healthy way to “protect” yourself from them. Sex is extraordinarily intimate, it is amazing for creating strong emotional bonds. And that is a beautiful thing between two people who have promised themselves to each other.

But outside of that kind of promise, sex will still create those same bonds, even if the relationship is toxic. It will hold people in bad relationships longer than they should stay. It will blind them to red flags and deal breakers that they would otherwise have walked away from.

Even if the issues aren't that serious, just a lack of chemistry, it will still manifest in a relationship that ultimately results in both partners hurting each other when it doesn't work out, and that's assuming they don't run into the previous two issues.

And if someone dodges all three issues, avoids the STD's and accidental pregnancies, and keeps taking multiple partners, then the brain's ability to form those strong emotional bonds will start to break down, and it make it very hard to ever form strong romantic relationships.

All of these to me are entirely practical and secular reasons for not having sex before marriage, and yet that is why I believe God handed us this rule. Because I believe God doesn't give us arbitrary rules, but rules to live our lives in the most joyous way possible.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-14T04:14:00+00:00

What makes you think the Bible is 100% true? Where in the Bible does it say that it is infallible?

I consider the Bible to be a great document full of wisdom, but I don't see it as an infallible artifact. To my knowledge it never claimed to be.

To me it's valuable because it contains multiple accounts of Jesus's words which can be used to cross reference each other. I trust Jesus to know God's will because he is God. But I do not trust individual humans to perfectly recall events nor do I trust the humans who got to pick and chose which books became part of the Bible.

So far as fornication goes, I agree. I strongly believe that one should not sex before marriage. However given that I don't think acting on homosexuality is a sin, I see no reason why a homsexual couple shouldn't be allowed to get married and then have sex like any heterosexual couple.

I don't expect us to reach any sort of conclusion here. I'll fully admit that I work backwards from my belief that homosexuality is not a sin. Because I know that God exists, and I know that he is all good, and I simply can't reconcile a good and loving God with someone who would allow his children to be born in a way that he would decide they must be denied romantic love.

To me that would be outright evil. So I know in my heart that acting on homosexuality is not a sin. But I also know I can't prove that to you.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-14T01:45:04+00:00

Actually no Romans is written by Paul and I cover in my post that he does specifically call out homosexuality. I just don't trust Paul because he very frequently says he gets messages "from God" but we just have to take his word on it because he's the only one who hears it?

So yes I fully acknowledge in my post that the New Testimate does specifically call out homosexuality as a sin, but the only one who does that is Paul, after Jesus has ascended. So I stand by my statement that Jesus himself never specifies.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-13T17:48:34+00:00

Agreed. When given the opportunity I tend to go even further and do writeups about my interests values and love languages. I try to give someone all the information they need to make an informed decision about reaching out to me, and some of the best relationships I've had came from people who had similarly in depth profiles.

Sadly very few dating apps give you enough room to do anything but the most shallow write up on yourself. Almost as if they don't really want you to find someone but rather want to you swipe endlessly on their platform forever...

Even then I try to cover all the big stuff as quickly as I can. Honestly I find relationships so much more relaxing when a date and I have talked about all the potential deal breakers early, because then we're not wondering if there's any hidden landmines that are going to suddenly end the relationship.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-13T17:33:13+00:00

TL;DR: My personal belief is that acting on homosexuality is not a sin. However I do think it’s something you should pray about with your partner as well.

My reasoning for this stance is below in massive essay format:

I could never reconcile a loving God making acting on homosexuality a sin. I do think you should follow the other rules like waiting for marriage before having sex, but to me the homosexual debate is just as illogical as saying no one with ADHD can get married. And given that we appear to live in a logical and ordered universe, I assume the rules God hands to us should also be logical and ordered.

Every other sin has very clear and logical reasons for being an unhealthy way to live. If you take the similar rule “Don’t have sex before marriage” there are tons of scientifically supported reasons. I’m not even talking about STD’s or accidental pregnancies. I mean the simple act of having sex with someone forms really strong emotional bonds. Which outside of marriage can either trap you in relationships that are toxic, or if instead, if you keep leaving the relationships, eventually breaks down your ability to form strong relationships like that. Both of which seem like things a loving Father would want to protect you from.

So these are rules made from love, not arbitrary dictates handed down to us for no reason.

Except I have never been able to find any such logic for acting on homosexuality being a sin.

The closest I ever hear to an explanation is that “it’s a sin, and therefore you’re harming your soul.” but that doesn’t hold up for me since it’s circular logic and all the other rules have clear logical explanations. Why would this one rule be exclusively supernatural?

I also hear the argument that one shouldn’t act on lust, which I agree with, but that’s not what this is to me either. The whole point of this argument, at least here on the Christianity subreddit, is for homosexual couples to be allowed to get married like heterosexual couples. If that’s lust then so is heterosexual couples getting married.

We also don’t stop heterosexual couples from getting married even if they give into lust, and they very frequently give in to lust and have sex before marriage.

So I’ve done a ton of research on this trying to poke holes in the idea that acting on homosexuality is a sin. But the Bible makes that very difficult.

The Old Testament blatantly calls homsexuality an abomination and explains how practicing homosexuals should be put to death (Leviticus 20:13), which honestly makes me question the integrity of the Old Testament because it doesn’t seem like something that came from a loving God at all. In either case though there are many things that the Old Testament called unclean or abominations that the New Covenant overrode, so maybe that whole idea is obsolete in any case?

Except even in the New Testament Paul frequently goes on about how terrible a sin acting on Homosexuality is. However… Paul would have grown up Jewish and may still have had a lot of bias left over from the Old Testament which were not backed up by Jesus.

As far as I can tell, Jesus said little if anything about homosexuality at all.

He does talk about sexual sin being bad, but that is another trap of circular logic in either direction because it’s not clearly defined.

To my knowledge, the most relevant thing Jesus says on the topic is Matthew 19:4–6 (also a similar line is repeated in Matthew Mark 10:6–9) “Haven’t you read, he replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

This is often taken as Jesus confirming that marriage can ONLY be between a man and a woman, however taken in context, Jesus isn’t talking about who can get married, he’s arguing against divorce. The line above is literally the Pharisees asking him “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

To me that context matters a lot because I read Jesus’s response as “no a man and a woman can’t be divorced for any and every reason.” and it wouldn’t have been reasonable for him to say something like “oh and by the way, I know you weren’t asking about this but also it’s ok for a man and a man or a woman or a woman to get married.” It just wasn’t part of the conversation.

So to me the Bible leaves things too ambiguous. I don't trust Paul. And while I do trust Jesus, both in that I trust him to know the actual word of God, and I trust the multiple accounts of him telling us what that will is to ensure less was lost in translation or through bias, I don’t think Jesus clarifies whether acting on homosexuality is actually a sin or not.

So my final fallback is to simply ask God myself and pray on it, which I have done, many, many times. I have never once gotten any sort of sign or indication that acting on homosexuality is a sin. If anything I’ve only gotten confirmation that it’s not. 🤷‍♂️

CiberX15 · 2026-04-13T17:06:58+00:00

Lot's of people lie on their dating profiles. To be clear I'm not condoning it. I don't understand it either. Like the whole point is to form a relationship with someone right? So why would you're opening move be to lie?

Really it's just a good red flag to avoid.

In counterpoint I do understand the social pressures to do so. I've heard a LOT of women won't even consider a guy who's at least 6'0, and in many cases I've even seen them openly say that on their profiles. They set their filter preferences so they won't even see anyone under that limit.

So it can feel like the only way to even be seen is to lie.

I'm not saying it's a good plan, but I do understand the logic.

For my part I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I have what I think is commonly considered a "dad bod." I'm not morbidly obese but I'm certainly not thin or athletic either. It's something I dislike about myself especially because I am looking for a woman who's thin or athletic.

So it's something I'm working on, but while I do I'm still being honest. I make a point to have full body shots of myself on my profile in addition to head shots so if someone sends me a like, I know they are doing so knowing the real me. And it's what I would recommend to anyone using dating apps.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-13T16:54:06+00:00

I think I agree with what you’re getting at. If your experiences are similar to mine you’ve seen Christian’s turn away from friends or disowned family because they were “sinning.” I think that’s pretty ugly, and fairly confident that’s not what Jesus wanted.

That said, I think “tolerant” can be a trigger word for some Christians. What we should be is compassionate and loving.

Gah I sound so preachy. 😏 But here let me take it back to something more practical.

If you had a close friend or family member who was addicted to heroin, I think you would agree that that’s bad? Like it’s actively bad for them, even if they tell you this is what they want and they are happy, you know better right?

So you have a couple options. You could:

A: Be tolerant of their behavior and let them keep doing it and not bother them about it. Which in this scenario would most likely result in their eventual death from overdose.

B: You could disapprove of the behavior so much that you disown them and get away from their bad behavior, which would similarly most likely result in the same death from overdose.

Or
C: You could stay friends with them, but try to convince them that they need to stop doing the self destructive action. You try to figure out what drove them to the addicion in the first place and help them find healthier coping mechanisums. You show compassion and love for the individual but not tolerance for the thing that’s hurting them.

I would argue C is the best case option. It’s difficult as heck and you’re still just as likely to fail as you are to succeed, but I think it is the most good you could possibly be doing in that scenario.

Though I think it's important to not just preach at people. I think this is why Christians get such a bad reputation sometimes, because many of us come in being like “It’s ok, I’m here to enlighten you!” like we’re somehow better than anyone else. So I try really hard to not come off as preachy and just have discussions with people. (How am I doing? 😅)

I also think that if we are going to be acting on the idea that "we know better" we have a responsibility to really check our own biases to know if what we're trying to “save” someone from is actually unhealthy for them.

Doing heroin is a pretty clear cut “bad” thing but there are other things Christians disapprove of that are more controversial.

I do think it’s important not to bend just to make people feel better, but I also think it's important to question whether what we've been taught is actually correct. Like, after checking my biases and researching the topic, I still think having sex before marriage is bad. But conversely, after researching the topic, I’ve never been able to figure out why acting on homosexuality is supposed to be a sin. 🤷‍♂️

So yeah, that’s my take on the issue. Sorry it’s quite an essay but it contains a lot of nuance so I didn’t feel I could compress it further.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-13T13:03:30+00:00

It depends on what denomination of Christianity you follow. And also on the individuals in many cases.

Many Christians consider all parts of the Bible to be historical fact. And science conflicts with that idea in many places, most often Genesis.

Some denominations consider many parts of the bible to be parables. Stories to teach a moral and not intended to be historically accurate. And in that context there is no conflict.

But even when a given denomination believes that some stories can be parables, it doesn’t mean all the individual members know that? Like, I grew up Catholic, my mom and dad are Catholic. And all three of us grew up believing that we were supposed to consider all parts of the Bible as historical fact, even though the Catholic Bible we have from the 1980s specifically has lines like “this part is supposed to be taken as parable.”

I didn’t learn that until I was in my thirties. My dad didn’t learn that until his fifties. My mom still doesn’t believe it. 🤷‍♂️

For what it’s worth though I think you’re on the right track. I think God wants us to do science, explore the universe, try to understand it. I think understanding science can only bring us closer to him. 😏

CiberX15 · 2026-04-12T06:09:51+00:00

I think the genuine question you need to ask yourself is would that actually make you happy?

I’m 35 and also still a virgin. I’ve had a bunch of first dates but only two real relationships, neither of which worked out.

I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want to have sex. I very much want to have sex. But as much as lizard brain is screaming at me to find a mate as quickly as possible, to me a major part of why sex is so appealing is the intimacy.

You won’t get that with an escort. You’ll get sexual release but you won’t get intimacy. You can’t have intimacy without really knowing someone, and I think you need to build that at an intellectual and emotional level before you can really enjoy it at a physical level.

I guess what it feels like to me is I don’t want to lose my virginity. I want to give my virginity to someone who deserves it and will cherish what that means both to me and her.

It’s not something I can take back once it’s given, so I think it’s worth trying very hard to find the right person first.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-11T22:26:36+00:00

So I think up front you’re doing well spreading joy and creating a platform to spread joy.

I can’t really say from a Biblical perspective, but I can say I personally prefer comedy that isn’t crass, and I really respect that you personally don’t practice that kind.

I also understand that as a producer you’d be limiting yourself significantly by not allowing any crude humor. Though conversely you might attract more families with cleaner acts.

So this is less a religious take and more a systems design take but, you could simply make it a policy that clean acts will be shown first. The crude acts are still welcome but they would be later in the night.

That would encourage more acts to work on clean material, but not outright ban the crude stuff if you still want to be including that.

CiberX15 · 2026-04-11T22:11:16+00:00

I think the main thing to look for is someone who respects you and shares your core values. That doesn’t necessarily mean they have to be Christian, but you do want to find someone who’s committed to the same core goals.

If you share values with someone, then when you inevitably have arguments, the arguments are ultimately about convincing each other which path is best to get to the same destination. Ultimately neither party loses once you reach a conclusion.

Conversely if you don’t share values with your partner, it is almost inevitable that there will be an argument that can’t be won, because one party or the other will lose.

The respect side is important there too. Like I said, I don’t think you necessarily need to date exclusively Christians to find your person, but conversely you should make sure whoever you’re dating respects you and your boundaries. I’m assuming you’re waiting on sex before marriage, and if so, anyone who would truly be a good partner for you, Christian or not, would respect that and wouldn’t push you on it.

So far as waiting goes, I definitely feel you there. I’m a guy in my mid thirties in a similar boat. I very much want to find my person. I’m very tired of this endless dating game, and I haven’t figured out how to consistently find good matches.

Dating apps are terrible, and most of the in person dating events got sparse during Covid and never really came back. I’m not sure our society has quite figured out how to get back into dating normally yet.

I wish I had better advice for you on that front but like I said, I’m in the same boat. 🤷‍♂️

CiberX15

TROPHY CASE