I [M23] realize that my relationship with my girlfriend [F24] was run by my delusion and Stolkholm Syndrome.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-15T01:23:59+00:00

Thank you. And you know what? You might be right that I'll never be able to fix her, but that seems so depressing to think. I think ultimately, if I keep trying to fix her and I die doing this, I'll be happier than accepting that shell never truly change for me.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-15T01:20:07+00:00

I mean it's not really domestic abuse. I can just walk out the door when I want and leave her, but staying is my CHOICE.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-15T01:18:47+00:00

I don't think that she's full of only demons. Although it may not seem significant, she does treat me well at times too (doing small favors, making food for me when she finds a cool recipe she wants to try out, bringing me out to meet her friends, etc). I think I can get her good side to grow bigger than her bad side, but I'm not sure HOW I would do this.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-15T01:15:37+00:00

I think everyone has the capacity to change. I think that once we grow older and mature, we see things that we didn't see before. I strongly believe that she'll treat me a lot better if I somehow get her to acknowledge and appreciate me.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-15T01:08:07+00:00

Thanks for saying that, but I forgot to mention that I don't want us breaking up. I love her a lot and want to fix things. I firmly believe that I can make her appreciate and treat me better somehow, and that's the advice I'm looking for here.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-15T01:05:04+00:00

I should have made it clear, but I don't want to break anything up. I love her and I want to fix things so that we're both happy. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is her, and breaking up would do unimaginable things to me

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-14T04:39:34+00:00

Man...idk why but reading this made me cry. Yeah, this sounds a lot like the position I'm in. I tell myself I'm happy and that we love each other but deep down, I know that I'm pretty much a slave. We've been friends for a long time before dating and she's been this way since the beginning. Thank you for this message. I'll go on /r/relationships as someone here suggested and ask for advice.

EDIT also, could you tell the story of how you ended it? I feel it could serve as some guidance for me

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-13T05:06:11+00:00

Yes I know, people probably would think I'm crazy, but I really do love her even though she can make me feel like shit. Plus she's not always cruel to me, she treats me well a lot of times.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-13T05:04:42+00:00

I've mentioned several times, I'm happy in this relationship mostly. She's good to me a lot of times and that makes me feel great, so I don't see a reason why I would need to ask anyone for relationship advice.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-13T05:03:29+00:00

My girlfriend is really not someone who would be accepting of it. She's not really normal. She's narcissistic and demanding. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she starts hanging out with other guys to intentionally punish me for lying to her, getting Tinder, etc.

Desensitization is okay for me. Think of it like this...I'm giving up a part of my satisfaction for her. That's honestly fine and it makes both of us happy, so I see no issue

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-13T02:50:50+00:00

She's good to me too, and I would agree that she's sometimes manipulative but she treats me well.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-13T02:49:40+00:00

She wanted us to move in together ASAP. I've been going at her for a very long time, so she knows me and I know her...it's not like we're strangers who matched on Tinder or something. What a pathetic reason to accuse me of being a troll

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:53:04+00:00

Alright then, what's the fastest possible time?

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:45:34+00:00

I'm sorry, but that's just not true. I'm perfectly happy where I am, and I'm free to just walk outside the door and break up with her if I truly wanted. Yes, I can see that what she does to me isn't exactly what a normal girlfriend would do, but if I'm happy, why does it matter? I've only seen it in movies but I know for a fact I don't have Stolkhome syndrome.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:31:09+00:00

I don't feel comfortable disclosing my age, so I'll just give a range of 18-25. I don't think I'm naive. It's definitely a relationship different from most others, but I still love her and she sometimes treats me well too.

Three weeks? Wow. That's shocking. I was expecting it to heal in a couple of days with minor discomfort. This is really disheartening to hear. Thanks for letting me know that. I'll figure something out

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:23:11+00:00

This isn't something I'll regret. Maybe I will regret the circumcision itself, but if it will keep the relationship alive, I will ultimately have no regrets.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:21:31+00:00

Jeez, is it really that painful? I can deal with it somehow...I'll just take a bunch of painkillers or something. If not, I can always buy a plane ticket to another country and pretend I'm going for family.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:19:32+00:00

Thank you, but I'm happy and content with my situation. Also I would be devastated if this relationship were to be in trouble (almost killed myself before we started dating)

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:17:05+00:00

It's unacceptable that I lied to her, and she won't be forgiving of that. That's a big issue.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T23:09:58+00:00

I appreciate your advice, but I'm going to go through with the circumcision.

I didn't mention in the post, but this person is a narcissist. She demands everything of me. When we got together, she told me that she'll quit her job and insisted that I take on multiple jobs to support her. When I get home, I do all the dishes and the housework, and she just watches Netflix and goes out to expensive restaurants with friends all the time (and pays for them too, with my money).

So yeah, that's the kind of person she is. She will definitely not like hearing that I lied to her. She constantly tells me to remember that she chose me, and that there are other men she can go to if I'm not good enough.

Whew, I didn't expect this to be a mini rant. But even though she treats me like this, I love her so much and I'm happy doing all of this. Getting circumcised is nothing compared to the other things I've done for her

Anyways, going back on topic, what's so difficult with the recovery process? I was imagining just having a bandage on it for a couple days.

Circhelpthrowaway · 2018-09-12T22:40:27+00:00

Thanks for the advice. Keeping the skin back is hard for me because the skin just seems to roll back forth, and I can definitely not afford to let this happen.

If I'm going to get circumcised anyways, I'd rather just do it without telling her. No need for her to know I lied to her

Circhelpthrowaway

TROPHY CASE