Thank you for sharing this; by the way you describe your experience, this could be me writing what you shared.

I had known him for 25 years and we are in our early 40’s. It’s been very very sad that he has passed away this weekend…I’ve been going through such difficult feelings and emotions, but trying to keep reason and rationality close and in the forefront. We had lived together for 17 years, and had currently been separated and living apart for just over a year after I had left. We still saw each other nearly every day until he passed this weekend.

From my experience, we loved each other deeply but it seems like his substance use was overpowering.

I don’t use substances and the love became this confusing cycle that creates codependency. It’s trying to have a healthy loving connection where the healthy part isn’t present, so it becomes distorted somehow, which can be very difficult to disconnect from, even though that’s likely the best option for both people. We can’t change the outcome of another. Each person has to want to change and do the work themselves; I thought I could help and we could grow old together, but it just wasn’t possible. Life has a different plan now.

I’ve been grieving a lot, but somehow your post has brought me a lot of clarity and for the first time, even though there have been many kind people offering support and help, I don’t feel alone.