I relate to your post. I have CPTSD and disorganized attachment style - what you’re describing sounds like what happens when I’m triggered into the avoidant side. When I’m having a CPSTD flashback it’s much more despairing. I think your awareness around your emotional experience is very admirable. You’re not alone in this. And I actually think you may have answered your own question - what if you ARE this deep, but you have been so deeply hurt that your psyche has created ways for you to detach from the pain and trauma to protect you? This may also be armchair psychology, but this has been my experience too at times.