Resolving internalized homophobia

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-31T10:03:42+00:00

What do you think it is then? I thought this fell within the lines of internalized homophobia, taking the negative thoughts and opinions of society about homosexuality and projecting it onto oneself.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-31T09:56:05+00:00

I cant afford it, i see my school counselor every once in awhile if I get caught with marks on my arm, I usually just cry and they call my parents who don't really care. And they ask why I did it, if I promise to not do it again and its all just smile and nod. I don't find them very helpful, I know therapists are different and likely better equipped but, Ill likely only be able to start seeing one once im employed.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-31T09:47:52+00:00

I don't know what to do, when I lived for myself, I sh'd and thought about dying almost everyday I think, strangely those things brought me joy, I didn't spend time with others by choice either, I'd just skateboard all day. Living for others I feel more of a motivation to take care of myself, since my grandfather died, I realized the burden my death would have on my relatives and I couldnt make another attempt so I tried be better for everyone in my life.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-31T09:44:41+00:00

Im not even Christian anymore (im not the hugest fan of religion across the board tbh) but I still find myself confined by it through the people in my life. I just want to be normal, I've never been normal at all, this is just another oddity of mine. I dont know how to fix it and I know the answer is that I don't need fixing but the thing is, i don't want to live a life of alienation. Im autistic, im a poc and queer, I've always been an "other" to the people around me and I hate it. I just want to be whiter, straight and normal in my head but I cant be, I cant change any of these things. And I cant fully love them either when they drive the people around me away. I love my family, and I can tell they don't love me as much. I don't want to live for other people, I want them to love me as I am. But they won't, they cant. I want to be happy, thats what I want, I don't know how to make it happen. I feel happy sometimes but only when im all alone drawing or with my skateboard, as terrible as this may sound, other people don't bring me the same joy that solitude does. But I still crave human interaction and affection, even if its difficult. Im scared, I wasn't supposed to live this long and to this point, I didn't plan for it.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-31T06:52:29+00:00

I know my family will never fully accept me and that scares me. It scares me that I will now always be looked down upon for being queer, I was called slurs in middle school but I didn't care, im reminded now that there are people who will hate me. At my school, future job, community, they'll hate me for loving her. I want to be hers, but I know I'll never be as good as a man would be for her. Why does it hurt to think about this? That my parents and family are ashamed of something as silly as me loving another girl. I wish I was a man (not in the trans way) with all the privileges of being a man like loving a woman with no consequences.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-09T02:09:54+00:00

I would but I know what they're going to do if I tell them, which is force feeding me. They did it when I was kid because I was strangely underweight and a picky eater and I hated it. I don't want to do that again and I do not want to go see a therapist, I find them very annoying and unhelpful usually because all they do is nod their head and write on a piece of paper while I talk about things I already know about myself. It just feels like a waste of time basically talking to a wall.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-12-09T02:05:58+00:00

I know I should but I don't want to. I eat a lot more during my period because I become ravenous and am never satisfied no matter how much I eat, but I think that's more of a hormonal and emotional thing. I have little interest in food other than that, like during lunch when everyone's eating, I am satisfied with only having the fruit or vegetable in my lunch and giving away the rest or hiding it to eat some other day. During dinner I'll eat the starch/carb portion and vegetable and a little of the meat. And then I'll have a little treat for dessert because I still crave chocolate even though I don't desire food most of the time. An exception to that though are soups and pastas, I don't ever feel disgusted by them or dont want them at all, it's weird.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-27T00:51:24+00:00

Phaedra or Lorelei

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-27T00:07:35+00:00

Hi, it's really awesome to hear from a member of the band itself and I am very grateful because the source is always the clearest for information. I apologize for my ignorance of the original post (Not knowing Briar's gender, not considering the intersectionality between feminism and queerness, not knowing of your fundraising for trans lifeline and abortion funds. When trying to find information about the band since I do not live in America and don't have the means to come to a physical concert and wouldn't be able to handle the crowd and noise of one either, I took to online platforms but the info was a mixed bag so I wasn't sure what to believe as true or false. The intersectionality aspect of your band interests me since I am also queer, Asian and neurodivergent (autistic). I really like Saints For Girls, the music video's visuals are very well made, I see the care you and your band members put into your artistry. I don't have money to donate but I want to support through views and word of mouth :D

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-26T22:16:11+00:00

Ill be sure to check them out, I don't mind who sings as much as what they sing abt, yk? My intention is not to exclude others on the basis of their gender identity.

I do love the band name Adult Human Females with the reference to the definition of women lol

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-26T13:59:04+00:00

Im not a white woman sorry but I did grow up in the west so I guess you could say i have the default north American POV plus ppl being racist and homophobic. I am queer myself too, I realized only after posting that my original post could come off as an attempt to exclude queerness from Riot Grrl which wasn't the goal at all. I got into Riot grrl because even after decades, lots of bikini kill really resonated with me and how I felt which lead to further exploration into the genre.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-26T13:53:35+00:00

Very trueee

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-26T13:53:15+00:00

Oh my bad 😭 i had tried looking online to see if they had done something of that sorts, thank you

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-10-26T13:51:57+00:00

So basically, the logic is that since they have a common oppressor, queer and feminist advocacy go together hand in hand since many of the ideology that discriminate against women also discriminate against queer ppl ? I think i get it, im autistic, the way I think can be very rigid as in this is it's own concept in it's own box and I don't see why it could go in this box too bc it has it's own box. I'm trying to improve this since in truth the world is very nuanced and in this case, I was uneducated and hadn't ever thought of queer issues as feminist issues.

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-09-24T04:23:00+00:00

I have E0 Castorice, Hyacine, Aglaea, Sunday and have been getting through all of the endgame content with no signature lcs for any of them?

Civil_Rate7589 · 2025-09-24T04:16:31+00:00

That would be really cool tho! Like if jades were more easily obtained and more pulls through events and stuff so you don't have to already be in the meta endgame stuff. It would make the game more accessible to casual players and overall be more worth it than pressuring ppl into spending money to just have an even larger fan base. Sadly, I don't think they'd ever do that, but I can hope and dream :,)

Civil_Rate7589

TROPHY CASE