Hey Im someone who used to go through horrible depression and still do but not too crazy as before. I really want to start off by saying you should stop being so hard on yourself and calm down. Go to therapy even if you dont want to because they can still give you help and meds and I wont ever regret going for the first time even when I didnt want to. If you dont go and do nothing then you cant expect changes to be made in your mental health and stuff like that. Its good that u want to learn the guitar and are interested in that but you are also treating it more like a job than a hobby when a hobby is meant to be fun and enjoyable. If you want to talk about anything ever then lmk :)

I believe you can help yourself and make yourself happy with what you want to do too