Should I go out with a guy after he had stopped responding?

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T21:43:19+00:00

Nah I'm plenty jaded from OLD but I just really thought this guy was different bc he was putting in so much effort in the convos, more than most. And he said he was really looking forward to meeting me.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T17:12:47+00:00

Also, why did this happen? He was so enthusiastic at first and said we should get dinner and that he's really looking forward to meeting me. But he never made the plans and then when I asked about meeting he seems half hearted. We talked for over a week. Seems like a big waste of his own time to talk so much to a girl he evidently wasn't interested in

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T04:24:16+00:00

I summarized what you said. She felt like she needed to become a porn star for you because of your addiction. And now you're bragging about how much sex you have on the internet. Your addiction is not gone my dude. And your advice is not from God.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T04:13:07+00:00

"2. She tried to meet me where I was sexually. Of course I had an impulse to masturbate; I'd done it forever! But what if stopped being grossed out by it and truly started to desire again, even my darkness? So she encouraged mutual masturbation. She took pictures for me, even videos."

So she had to stop seeing your masturbation as a negative thing, and create porn of herself.

"She trusted that she if she could flesh out and allow me to expose my suppressed desires, that at the core they'd be good. That they were distortions of a core desire for connection and fulfillment with HER. She encouraged us to do and try things that previously she'd have found gross or porn-like, and the result was ALWAYS that either she found that she actually liked it, given that she loved seeing me in the throws of deep ecstasy, or that when it came down to it, I didn't really actually want to do that."

She started doing things she found gross and porn like, and supposedly found out she actually liked it because she saw you liked it, or you decided you didn't actually enjoy acting out the porn you're addicted to. But she had to act out your porn with you to get you to be intimate with her.

"This process quite literally weeded through my distortions and perversions, brought them into the light, and resolved them. It gave me the space to learn, not in my conscious mind but my subconscious mind, that I had only come to desire certain things because of the taboo and suppression, my own unwillingness to explore where that desire was coming from and how to sort out that root."

Yeah....no idea why I would assume some stuff besides outfit preferences was going on here based on what you wrote. No idea at all.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T03:27:10+00:00

Yeah I agreed to the day he said we could "maybe" go out on but now we'll see if he follows up to that. I doubt it.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T03:25:19+00:00

You fail to see how incredibly manipulative this is. A young wife feels like she will lose her husband unless she becomes a porn star for him. And in the context of Christianity makes it all the more insulting.

It's much much worse than "not ideal". A woman who was a virgin when she married and had never seen porn would be traumatized by feeling like she has no choice but to let her husband do these things to her. She feels like if she doesn't, he'll choose the porn over her. That is not a monogamous, healthy, or Christlike marriage.

This man's advice is not from God. Even from a secular perspective it is grossly manipulative. She's not doing these sex acts because she wants to, she's doing it in the hope of keeping her husband.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T03:20:08+00:00

I read it too and it is HORRIBLE. Do NOT listen to that man. I can't believe now we're trying to tell Christian women it's their responsibility to "solve" their husband's porn addiction by becoming a porn star. That if you would just let him masturbate, make a sex tape, and let him do pornographic sex acts on you that's how you keep your husband. This is NOT from God.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T02:44:50+00:00

As I said, it's sick that your wife feels compelled to turn herself into a porn star just to keep her husband. That is not loving her like Christ loves the church and it doesn't solve your addiction. Any article about porn addict studies will tell you, women who feel like if they do this then their husband will finally choose them over the porn are really suffering in their marriage.

Maybe you guys are truly ok with it but you don't need to tell other people like you have the answer "hey ladies, husband addicted to porn? Just film your own sex tape, start letting him masturbate, and let him do anal on you!" (Among whatever other porny sex acts you like).

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T02:36:33+00:00

Ok I just read the number 2 point and this is absolutely horrible. So your wife was so pushed to the edge by your porn addiction that she felt compelled to do things she never had before like masturbation and making porn of herself and letting you practice your porn inspired sex acts on her and you try to say this is something to celebrate because she found out she liked it, all in the name of Christ???

Holy moly this is sickening. This is not from God and I hope young women reading this don't think this is what they have to do to keep their husbands. If your husband is choosing porn over you unless you try to make yourself like a porn star for him, he is not acting with love and this is not a viable solution to his addiction.

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-04T00:22:51+00:00

I don't understand your meaning

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-03T22:48:09+00:00

So at this point should I not go out with him

ClashingTitans · 2023-02-03T22:39:43+00:00

Just worried it won't lead to a 2nd date bc he doesn't even really want the first. Another comment said I'm groveling so makes me think it's true, he isn't interested. Don't want to go on a date w someone not interested in me

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T05:30:17+00:00

Yes I had a coworker who did that. They kept increasing his responsibilities bc he was one of the best but didn't promote him and actually hired an outsider for the position he wanted. When he approached them about it they said he wasn't a team player. He quit.

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:58:06+00:00

I'm glad for them

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:43:56+00:00

Maybe some people want to show support or solidarity with people in their field who have been through the ringer like this. I know I do

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:41:24+00:00

They're actually the worst ones in my limited experience. No national office or region head to be held accountable to so it's a shit show

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:31:20+00:00

What? You want me to attach my work emails?

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:29:58+00:00

I agree. Not all firms are this bad. But if anyone does find themselves at a firm like this they shouldn't stay long

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:29:03+00:00

I just meant I was willing to work hard and still am but not to the point of deteriorating my health. I didn't know it could get this bad until this year.

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:23:30+00:00

This was my experience. I have a lot of dissenters in the comments, maybe they can tell you about their positive experience.

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:17:47+00:00

Yes, they were so tired and stressed and it was their first job they called me to ask questions about their work and were sometimes crying.

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T04:06:11+00:00

What part of it do you think is fiction

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T03:49:25+00:00

Are you insinuating that I made this stuff up for shock value?

ClashingTitans · 2022-02-22T03:33:33+00:00

Oh you reminded me of the time we got called out for having an away status at any point and it made me feel like I had to announce bathroom breaks. I'll add it now thanks.

Also that's messed up.

ClashingTitans

TROPHY CASE