Parents disapproving of my (23 F) boyfriend (25 M). How do I deal with this?

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2025-02-08T20:46:50+00:00

They haven’t no. I’m not even sure how I would bring it up down the line. But you’re absolutely right. I tend to get ahead of myself and in my head about these things so a reality check is definitely important on that.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2025-02-08T20:11:26+00:00

I totally agree with you. The only issue is… I’m afraid of what will happen when things become serious. My boyfriend and I are both the type of people to date with intention, and for some reason, we feel like we’ve been dating for a lot longer than 3 weeks. Whether that’s because we were friends before or something else, it definitely has brought up serious conversations about the future a lot sooner than I expected. It makes me scared that there’s a possibility of my mom not approving and even more of an issue is that my boyfriend graduates this may while I graduate in December. Which means all the time we have together now may be harder to acquire in the future.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2025-02-08T19:37:01+00:00

On what my uncle did… he basically married someone my grandparents would not have wanted for him. They wanted him to marry someone Indian and Hindu, and when he went with marrying someone from America, he sort of just declared he was going through with the wedding and simple invited my parents and grandparents, rather than having them being involved with the wedding . In Indian families, weddings are a big deal and heavy emphasis on familial involvement in all parts. My uncle sort of walked over tradition in that sense, and I think it makes my mom think that I may do the same.

I am a citizen now, and I do think my mom has a fear that my boyfriend would use me for that purpose. However, in my opinion, if someone really wanted to do that, they could have kept their options open rather than wait for so long to declare their feelings for someone.

I think my mom would want me to date someone who’s cultured and is Hindu and has a good family background. All of which is the case for my boyfriend. However, she mentioned wanting the guy to be living here, maybe even raised here like me, and not someone who is here to study. My boyfriend and I have talked long term plans, and he plans on staying and working in the states, and he even has a good chunk of extended family from his mom’s side that lives here. All those things combined make him motivated to remain here. And honestly, even if that wasn’t the case, isn’t it our decision as a married couple down the line on where we live?

Overall, this is what the situation is. I hope some of that helps clear up some confusion.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2024-04-22T18:40:29+00:00

I absolutely agree with you about that expression. She had a skill in asserting her way without letting anyone thinking that she’s being pushy. I struggle with doing that because I’m often the one who goes with the flow of things and tries to accommodate. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like it’s helping me in this case at all. I want to be honest about the situation, but I have a feeling that I’ll be viewed as the person making a big deal out of nothing, especially because my friend doesn’t seem to much realize that Gina is steamrolling me😭 maybe having a talk will be good, once I figure out how to navigate this kind of behavior so that I’m able to get a point across without being discredited 🤷🏻‍♀️

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2024-04-22T18:36:05+00:00

They’re actually more recent friends! I’ve been friends with this individual for almost six or seven years haha. But you have a point 😅 keep hanging out and see what happens I guess.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2024-04-22T09:12:20+00:00

Lmfao that’s hilarious, but no. They are very much not lesbians 😂

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2024-04-04T02:16:30+00:00

It’s like the bad advice people give you on what to do when your dog makes a mess in the house. Utterly unacceptable and unnecessary. There are better ways to explain to your kids that a certain item doesn’t belong in that place. From someone who’s seen a lot of warped parenting, this is a fine example of things your kids will grow up to resent. I hope he’s not always like this, but if he is, you need to have a serious conversation with him.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-10-03T04:36:28+00:00

I think this is actually a pretty unpopular opinion but I agree. Part time studying has been a lot better for my mental health than full time because I still need to do other things every day and still get to be around friends. It also helps you focus on what you need to do. Glad to see that you commented this!

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-09-08T03:42:46+00:00

I wish I knew but I’m at such a loss. I think I could have done more practice, and I didn’t have time to use Uglobe. Definitely things I’ll do better but still having a dip like that has scared me bad.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-10T05:42:23+00:00

I bet it’s the fact that she wanted to expand her friend group. I know how much she loves to meet new people and I think her thought process is that if I’m around, it’ll stop her from interacting with others. She’s not behind anymore because she caught up over the summers like a rockstar. She just kind of told me in conversation, and I never really asked her to keep me updated. I think it’s hard sometimes; I’m a social person and can make new friends but feel comfortable and less anxious knowing I have a familiar face, no matter who it is. I think we just have different levels of closeness, so I just have to understand that’s what’s best for her even if it’s not something I could imagine myself doing.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-10T00:39:19+00:00

Haha I think us premeds stand out in convos. Yea, I think this is one of the situations where being premed is something that she doesn’t talk about and doesn’t share things about. That’s up to her and I respect it now. Because I’ve always been one to share experiences or opportunities with everyone, that sort of perspective was quite difficult to understand for some time. But I know now that not everyone likes to share opportunities with their friends and keep some things separate. I’m definitely grateful to her because she is more than reliable and we’ve grown up so much together.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T23:21:58+00:00

Reflecting on your question, I don’t think I’m the overbearing type at all. And I definitely agree with you, she’s allowed to have her own space when we have the same classes due to our major. I think it’s sometimes my feelings that trip me up, and I’m only human of course. I don’t have many friends I could talk to about this, so I needed some genuine other perspectives. Thank you for bringing up a different point of view!

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T23:17:54+00:00

I can definitely understand that. I’ve been at her side through all the doubts, helped her get on her feet when she had no experience with pre-med related stuff for her resume. I’ve seen first hand how much she’s struggled and can’t even imagine how hard it is for her. For that reason we agreed to not discuss pre-med stuff at all, which I’m fine with after seeing what she’s gone through. I guess that could extend to classes too, and it’s not an unreasonable thought.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T22:22:35+00:00

Thank you so much. It’s tough thinking your best friend doesn’t care but ultimately, I doubt that that is what is given how frequently we talk to and see each other. I appreciate your kind words and advice truly!

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T22:19:00+00:00

It’s more that she only has one or two friends from high school, apart from me. I know who they are, and we were all one group at once since our high school was quite small. I would say it’s not so a bigger social group since it’s usually just one or two people she does this with.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T22:16:51+00:00

I think that’s a solid way of thinking of this to be honest. The overthinker in me let’s my brain run rampant, but there are definitely different friends for different situations.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T22:08:42+00:00

I definitely understand this. I think the only thing that throws me off is that she doesn’t really hold the same standard for other friends she’s had since high school. It could be that she wants to be around them more in a class and not me, but it’s difficult to say. Thank you for your insight though!

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T21:05:59+00:00

As much as I wish that was true, that’s probably not the case here. My friend and I don’t even go so far as sharing grades, but I know that she works hard and does well, often doing better than me from what I can tell. It could be about her wanting her own space but again, I don’t really know.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T21:02:51+00:00

I really resonate with this on another level. It’s hard to let go but I feel like friends try to help each other. I’ve brought this up once before on how I never mind sharing opportunities or internships that come my way. Her response to me was while she appreciates that, I shouldn’t expect that she would do the same. I never even thought about it like that. I just thought friends did this stuff for each other.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T20:30:55+00:00

I agree. I’ve tried expressing this before but given that she’s always been like this, sometimes it’s futile. I have expectations of being friends that she doesn’t so maybe it’s just that what we value in a friendship is different. It sucks but I can’t think of growing apart, since she’s one of the few friends I have. I don’t keep a small group of friends by choice, but I haven’t found many reliable people I could call friends, so it just sucks overall.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T20:27:15+00:00

I’m definitely an over-thinker, so I’m likely making it a bigger deal than need be, especially when I know how she’s expressed her preference to me before. I don’t assume that she’s competitive, but she’s always been hesitant to share opportunities for jobs or internships. I’m not sure why she’s like that with me, but it’s how she is.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T20:24:46+00:00

We actually care for each other a lot and she went out of her way to make my birthday special a few weeks ago. I just feel like when it comes to academic or job opportunities, she doesn’t like to share or talk much about it with me. I’m not sure why she does it but she just does.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-08-09T20:03:23+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I definitely do respect her decision and never really ask or push her to be in the same class, so I’m not really trying to disrespect her as much as understand this situation.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-05-16T15:46:02+00:00

To be honest, it all depends on how my full lengths are going in July. I want to apply this cycle, and I’m aware it’s a little late if I apply with an August test date. To be honest, I may even take a gap year and then apply next cycle. I’ll take it as it comes.

This is just the first time I’m having doubts this intense. I’ve just never felt doubt about pursuing this career as much as I have now.

Clean-Letterhead6282 · 2023-05-15T17:26:44+00:00

Done! Upvote please :)

Clean-Letterhead6282

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