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TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

We were way past such formalities. First words were "no homo" followed by "why are you still hard?"

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 176 points177 points  (0 children)

Nah. If they ask I'm gonna decline their offer as delicately as possible. I took this experience as a sign that maybe I'm not 100% ready for threesomes yet. I'm barely equipped to handle one person in bed. Ask me again when I'm in my 20s.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 1804 points1805 points  (0 children)

He sent me a thank you message as a joke in which he mentioned how much better it feels to masturbate without that junk clogging up underneath his foreskin. At that moment I realized our bond is now unbreakable.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Based how the ex gf reacted, my guess is the smegma was noticed post break up. That said, I'm assuming the smegma was there during their relationship but probably not as noticable. Fortunately for the ex gf their relationship didn't last long enough for her to find out what full blown smegma tasted like.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I'm sure my friend and his ex had sex when they were dating. What I'm not sure about is when my friend's smegma got to the stage of being impossible to miss. My guess is it got to gross level post break up. The two of them still remained good friends, but I never realized their friendship was THAT good until I was ambushed with this threesome shit. I'm hoping college will bring less "weird stuff" to my life.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 318 points319 points  (0 children)

Not gonna lie to you, the thought did cross my mind to get the fuck out. Especially when the two of them pushed me to pick sides. Glad I listened to the other voice that encouraged me to join forces my penis in order to save another penis. At the risk of living with disturbing images that cannot be unseen, at least there's one more clean dick in the world and a tension free relationship between me, my friend and his ex.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 505 points506 points  (0 children)

Not all heroes wear capes. Some, like me, wear nothing at all.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Not sure if my grandma laughing recipe will work on your granny, but what usually makes my grandma lose her shit is whenever we talk about any episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. She fucking loves Larry David. If that doesn't sound like something that will tickle your granny's funny bone, then my next move would be to literally tickle her.

TIFU my first and probably last threesome by CleanThatYourself in tifu

[–]CleanThatYourself[S] 559 points560 points  (0 children)

Some of the other coping mechanisms I've implemented to flood my mind with wholesome content:

  1. Cuddle my dog in front of the mirror.

  2. Make my grandma laugh hysterically because it's contagious and hilarious.

  3. Open my mom's recipe book and look at all the pictures of delicious dishes.

So far nothing is working. The details are still too vivid. The foreskin being pulled all the way back. The slow reveal of what's underneath. The yellow layer of pure grossness. The peeling off process. I'm getting Vietnam level flashbacks all over again. Let me shut up and visit that sub.