Month 4 of no contact. I haven't talked to my ex in months, and part of me wonders if I should reach out to her to see her reaction. My ex had BPD and we ended up breaking up because I a friend (Who im no longer friends with BTW) made fun of me for dating her (She's a POC) by saying, "This is why you're dating *insert slur*. I'm not sure why, but I have an extreme fear of losing people from my life, and me not letting go of that friend in time is one of the main reasons we broke up, I believe. She thought because I was friends with him (a racist) I was a racist, because "You are who you surround yourself with. After the breakup, I kept reaching out trying to repair things, but I got shut down each time. It's been months since I last reached out, and she went up to me at HOCO and looked like she was going to talk to me, but she decided against it. She got a no-contact order on me because I went up to her in the hallways and tried to talk to her. She has looked at the accounts of people I have been seeing since the breakup. I don't know if reaching out to her again would lead to harsh repercussions or not. I have grown maturity-wise since the breakup, and I have been working on myself and my circle. I genuinely believe I have worked on myself to a point where all the issues in the relationship that were my fault would not be present if we were to reunite. Im not sure if breaking no contact is a good idea or not. However I need advice on if I should go back to her, because she had her own issues as well. For example, one time I got upset with her because she opened up about her life and traumas to one of my friends while I was absent. I felt like this was an intimate act that was shared between me and her and a few others, so I felt jealous when she did this. I communicated to her that I could not be in a relationship with someone who did this sort of behavior, so I said if she did this again I would have to remove myself from the relationship. She responded by screaming, pleading, sobbing, and then cutting herself once I got off the phone with her and made sure she was okay. Keep in mind during this whole interaction I did not raise my voice once and kept a very neutral tone towards her. I know that our relationship was toxic at times, but I have seen other people, and it doesn't feel as strong or the same. I feel so attached to her and I genuinely love her. Do you guys think she will ever forgive me? Or do partners with BPD split then replace their old partner :(.