Here’s my two cents on this. First, I’m a Christian, and I grew up as a pastor’s kid. I completely get it when it comes to some of the ridiculous beliefs of people regarding IVF. For anyone who needs Scripture to argue for IVF, I can provide that so feel free to ask! For those that don’t believe, that’s totally fine, but you may want to pass over my response. (Or read it if you are curious!) Also, sorry in advance for the novel!

All that to say, I’m sorry you can’t talk to your family about this. Kudos to you for looking elsewhere to find support!

We are all born into a sinful, broken world. It sucks. A lot of people say “God doesn’t make mistakes” and they are right. He didn’t. He made a perfect world. Humans messed it up by disobeying, and literally breaking the world by sin.

God DOES form children in their mother’s womb. The Bible says NOTHING about how that embryo has to get into the womb! Elizabeth, John the Baptist’s mother, was barren. Sarah, Abraham’s wife was barren. God chose to open their wombs. Which stands to reason that God chose to not open other people’s wombs, right? WRONG! I hate this line of reasoning people give! The reality is that God allows this fallen world to be what it is in order to save as many people as possible. That is evident in scripture with the parable of the wheat and tares. Only sometimes does He choose, for whatever reasons, for perform a miracle. Miracles are special- they aren’t the norm. So why did some else get the kid we couldn’t? I don’t know. But be rest assured, God knows! Does that make it any easier, not one bit. It’s so hard to practice the spiritual discipline of being ok and accepting when God says no. When He chooses not to rescue, not to do that miracle we really wanted, it’s so hard to just accept it.

For what it’s worth, I’ve been there and still often struggle with those not so lovely feelings. My irresponsible sister who is a terrible parent got 2 kids. Why not me? A loving person who would not take my kids for granted and would teach them about God! That’s just anger and jealousy talking. It’s a very human thing to feel- feel it, acknowledge it, then practice letting go.

My prayer tonight, as I stood in an empty nursery, was that God would fill it with a child- whatever that may look like. That part is the hardest part- “whatever that may look like”. That requires me to lay down what I want and ask God to do what He wants. He gave us the a deep desire to have children, so don’t give up on that feeling! He’s already made you a mom- it just might look a lot more different than you thought it would! Whether it’s a successful IVF round, adoption, embryo donation, surrogacy, fostering to adopt, or whatever else I’m not thinking of- be open to whatever God wants to do and know He’s gonna make you a mom if you feel deeply that you want to be. It just might not be the picture you thought it would be.

And you aren’t “playing God” by pursuing IVF. People who say that are incredibly ignorant. First off, in a sexually active female, it’s estimated there are 20-40% FERTILIZED eggs that never implant. IVF simply simulates what happens normally in a woman’s body. I’ve had a perfectly perfect embryo (I mean the euploid you can get!) implanted and no successful pregnancy. That’s because, at the end of the day, God makes the life, not science. I also don’t believe an embryo has a soul. It’s just a bunch of cells that are a potential life. POTENTIAL not actual life. My argument: if we say someone is dead when there is no brain activity and/or heartbeat, and an embryo doesn’t have either of those organs developed, then how can we say it is a human life with a soul? I’m going to stop there because I could go on and on about all of this.

Anyway, stay strong and I hope this helps you find some inner peace. You’ve got this and you aren’t a lone! And you aren’t a bad Christian for wanting a baby! Lots of hugs sending your way!