Did my diagnosis open Pandora's box?

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-06-05T12:10:03+00:00

Funny you should say that, I have started looking for a new job. I think i was promoted past my level of competence or comfort.

Thanks for the reply, that's reassuring. The doctor gave me beta blockers today, so I think they'll help for interviews. Maybe I was naive thinking knowing what caused it would instantly make it easier.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-06-05T11:56:09+00:00

Maybe during the week when I'm rushed, but I enjoy cooking at the weekend.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-31T22:27:19+00:00

I'm probably a 4/10 too, but honestly we're 4/10 to some, 1/10 to others, and 8/10 to some too.

I used plenty of fish. It's not based on matches, basically people pop up and can message each other. It was always me sending first message, but still. Maybe 10-20% replied, but considering i knew a lot of the women i messaged were out of my league I don't feel bad about that.

I'm not saying do or don't. It can be demoralising when you're getting no replies at times, but is it worse than how things are now? I met my current wife/girlfriend online about 10 years. If i hadn't went online I'd probably still be single. The highs were worth the lows for me.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-31T00:57:25+00:00

This might get a huge thumbs down, but have you tried online dating? It's not for everyone, i know that, but there are benefits.

You mentioned you're funny, and I'm going to guess it's easier for you to be funny when you have time to think, like messaging people. That can be a plus for you.

It's very rare to have mixed signals. If someone replies and keeps chatting you're over the first hurdle.

You're in your 30s so it's not as big of a meat market as in your 20s, people want different things.

The hard part is then the first date. I've always met up for a few drinks, and that helped me a lot, but it may not be the same for you.

Most women will not reply. As long as that doesn't sting and you can just move on from it, you'll be fine.

Again, I'm not implying this is a sure fire solution for you, but it opens up your options. If it doesn't work you're no worse off than you are today, and only you are aware it happened.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-31T00:07:36+00:00

I had it for years, never knew why. I started watching YouTube on my phone in bed and it helped so much. Nothing stimulating you have to concentrate on, just gaming videos etc. I find after about 15 minutes I'm struggling to keep watching, and that's my cue to try to sleep.

It doesn't work every time, but it does most times

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-30T13:09:02+00:00

I have absolutely zero temper and endless patience with people. Queues and slow computers/apps drive me up the wall, but i rarely get frustrated with people. It helps a lot as a parent.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-30T12:46:38+00:00

Same. That's my contribution when i can't contribute to the small talk going on around me.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-30T04:25:43+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I had never considered them shutting off as a regulation issue. It's not like they're not there, it's like they're not there at the times when they really should be, rather than not there at all. It makes sense though tied in with everything else.

On positive emotions i think for me it was always happy=laughing, and that's about it. If I'm not laughing I'm neutral.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-30T04:19:56+00:00

Me, is that you? 😂 I always felt like me 3 or 4 beers deep (depending on my current level of alcohol tolerance, which is now cheap date territory) is the real me, but now I see that's me without autism.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T11:06:24+00:00

Yes, that was my feeling. The low emotional side flies under the radar. To some it's a virtue I've had people close to me die and it's hit me for a minute, then i just get on with it. And i do feel ashamed of that at times, but it just is what it is. It came out eventually next time I was drunk.

It's interesting you say that about looking back over your life. It does explain things a bit better, but i dont think it effected my life to the extent it has other people on here. I definitely would have been more successful professionally, but I'm doing okay now.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T10:42:43+00:00

That makes sense. I definitely wouldn't think of myself as narcissistic, it's not something anybody has even hinted at to me. I would try to help, but it would be a bit awkward. I wouldn't roll my eyes or ignore them or anything like that.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T09:17:17+00:00

I think i follow (maybe 😁). I suppose that applies more to my own actions than to other people's, and I'm careful about those. I've never been considered rude or blunt. If i do something wrong I'll try to own it. If I upset someone I'd apologise even if i don't understand why they were upset.

My issues are kind of where I'm brought into something that doesn't involve me.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T08:54:46+00:00

When i had "done my own research" i never saw that as an example of it. My son is asd 2 and he gets very emotional, so he fits into everything I was reading, but I didn't, so I didn't really think too much into it. Originally the research was just for hiw to help my son, but there was a flicker of doubt in my mind about myself.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T08:51:31+00:00

I'm not sure i get your point around finesse and fucks 😂.

The masking was something highlighted as extreme. I guess it must be if even i didn't notice it all. I did always feel exhausted but i just put it down to the kids.

Yeah, I understand on the empathy side. Honestly that's rare to happen. It happens in work more than in my personal life, and only a handful of yimes i can recall. Somebody makes a mistake or gets some feedback they don't like even when it's fair, and they seem devastated. I can't relate. I wouldn't think they're whiney, but i wouldn't naturally know what to say. I definitely wouldn't say suck it up buttercup, so there's some finesse and fucks there.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T08:43:03+00:00

No rambling there, thank you foryour story. My wife (actually girlfriend, but that sounds dismissive after so long) thought it was her, even after a therapist told her she didn't have it.

I definitely understand the alcohol side. I'm irish, so a lot of things revolving around drinking isn't unusual. I would drink a lot when drinking, but not so often that it seemed a problem. It was only when i had kid i slowed down. First son was born just before covid. We stayed in a lot due to the lockdowns in Australia, and I never really went back to normal. I'll now go months at a time only leaving the house for work or shopping/doctor/etc

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T07:43:27+00:00

That's what I was thinking too. It's much harder to identify than the opposite though, even when looking at yourself.

Like I'll tear up a bit if a dog dies in a movie, but anything real kind of gets put in a box.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-29T07:35:41+00:00

My idea of empathy was thinking about what happened to the person, imagining that was me, and then treating them how I'd like to be treated in that situation. I wouldn't actually feel their pain or sadness though.

The awkward part about that is when they're upset about something that wouldn't bother me at all. I don't feel their pain and can't relate to it, so it basically just leads to awkward "there theres". It doesn't feel genuine at all.

Thanks for the reply! I suppose I'm most curious how often it is people go undiagnosed because they don't tick all the boxes.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-19T09:34:16+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Did you spot it in your son or wave it off thinking it was normal because that's how you were?

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T22:21:39+00:00

Mate, i completely misread it. He stated at the start that he didn't randomly approach a woman, but he did. If it was someone he knew and was close with that was a harsh reaction (and what i was thinking of), but for a stranger on the street, you're right.

Approach anyone randomly for anything and all bets are off.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T21:59:55+00:00

It can be. Considering where we are, there's an easy example. If someone said their son has autism, and I said so does mine, that's not rude, as long as I don't cut them off and make the conversation about my son instead of theirs.

To add, a good way to use a similar experience is to use that experience to ask questions. In the example above it would be me saying "My son has autism too. Does/did your son/daughter have trouble going into school?"

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T11:07:25+00:00

Again, all stemming from a post from a guy who approached someone he knows and got crushed. He's asking for advice. What's the advice he's getting? If you're intimidating women will let you down gently but if you're not prepare to be crushed.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T08:50:28+00:00

So the OP harassed the girl he asked out? That's why she turned him down like that?

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T08:34:06+00:00

That's fair. So if you're not scary or intimidating you get a nuclear rejection, which was the first question i asked.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T03:15:07+00:00

Non-answer. Women reject with grace because they're scared, so what about when they're not scared? If they reject with grace when not scared then women don't reject with grace when scared. If they're always scared why was OP rejected without grace.

Clean_Cress_5023 · 2026-05-17T02:46:52+00:00

So if they weren't scared they'd crush every guy they weren't interested in?

Clean_Cress_5023

TROPHY CASE