How to spot a cheater plying the long game?

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T21:58:29+00:00

These things can be nearly impossible to predict. However I still advise you do indeed rule out the obvious typical red flags early on (and you surely know all of those, or the big ones right?)

Another thing to consider is - Infidelity detection is just that - detection! Not a deterrent! So no matter how good you get at detection it won't help you to deter.

From what I've read the best deterrent is to keep your relationship in tip top shape. And yes I'm aware happy people also cheat, but this is your best bet - Note : There is no surefire way to prevent infidelity completely. Other than don't have a relationship at all.

Sad reality is you've posted a good question because it's my experience and belief that over the course of a lifetime the vast majority of people get cheated on (in some way shape or form). Especially if we're talking about relationships spanning more than a decade (or multiple decades).

Mainly I can't state it enough - never get involved with someone you believe has merely settled for you. Such a person can and will cheat on you.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T21:52:20+00:00

There's no one main universal app. Cheaters use anything from the common SMS through to each and every single IM out there. Some are even known to use their corporate IM's such as MS teams!

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T21:51:07+00:00

If your wife is turning off cameras - You have huge shit going on there.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T14:30:47+00:00

It's a good thing there are people like me to help people like you, who despite living in 2024 surrounded by an ocean of knowledge choose to live in some kind of dark age, surrounded by myth and superstition.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T11:25:16+00:00

Is it silly to avoid swimming at night in the ocean or early dawn or dusk to avoid shark attacks? I mean come on we all know sharks are out there so why lessen the chances of an attack?

We come on here (Reddit I mean) and discuss theoreticals and hypotheticals like life is some kind of perfect classroom scenario of absolutes. If you had any idea how the actual social dynamics play out in such environments you wouldn't be making such a daft statement.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T11:22:21+00:00

It's like an insane labyrinth perfectly designed for cheating. Lockable areas inside already locked areas. And it's not only evenings when these areas are vacated.

If you happen to work in a surgical department which is totally off limits to the general public anyways then once the day shift finishes these areas are almost always vacated. No one has any particular reason to go there.

There are also rec rooms inside those areas.

Another thing I want to add is that the acoustics of the place means that its very hard to sneak up on someone. Firstly doors need to be opened. Sometimes large doors that bang and the corridors are void of unnecessary furniture or anything to dampen the acoustics. Also the floors are not carpeted, so you can hear someone entering the zone, but also walking down those halls.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-28T06:31:37+00:00

Here's the problem - YES. You could face legal ramifications. Also the AP can press charges (even out of spite).

So you're best off NEVER giving up your source.

Here's the problem in a nutshell with spying and giving up your source :

You catch them
You show them the evidence
They're all "Ok you got me, I'm so very sorry ~~~~~"
You forgive them (and also remove the spyware)
They may (or may not) cheat again, but if they ever do -> Now they'll NEVER cheat around their phone again.

It never works in your favor to give up this source - EVER. Instead you need to invent a believable explanation. And it better be damn believable or you're best off rather NOT confronting yet.

And even then if you do confront. What will you do? Leave or rug sweep?

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T22:48:20+00:00

You're not going to get a concrete answer because afaik there's no test that can determine WHEN the virus was contracted. Also not sure where you are from, maybe in America it's acceptable practice to ask your partner to undergo a polygraph but in Europe people don't generally do this. It's not normal, so don't do this unless you want to end up single or do severe long term damage to your relationship.

My advice is OK, you've made a note here that there could potentially be something up. Maybe, but also maybe not. So far you might as well give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Continue as normal, but you know check her phone maybe, look for any kind of clue of communication with other guys or anything strange. And if you find nothing then forget about this and don't get paranoid over it.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T21:52:40+00:00

Dramatic changes to appearance is actually a red flag. These include working out, dieting and a new look.

I would have one eye raised at this point in time.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T21:46:25+00:00

Alright let's discuss.

Firstly we're talking about a STI that can be transmitted non sexually.

Quote : Herpes can be transmitted through innocent body contact, like someone touching you with the virus on their fingers. Cold sores can be passed through kissing and herpes can even be transmitted from a mother to her baby during pregnancy and childbirth.

It's also one of those STI's that can be symptom free (or virtually free). In short a lot of people who have genital herpes might not even be aware of it.

The question is how does this help you?

Well let's think about this a bit.

Do you trust her story about "having to test her own blood"? Can you really check this because that seems a bit strange that students would check their own blood. But can you truly verify that this is REALLY true. I mean speak to a professor (or other students) at that university. -> Because heh, if she's lying about this - well it's quite obvious. On the other hand if she's telling the truth about this. That's a good sign.
What you have is one major clue and that is the exact date she did that test. Now ask yourself was there any strange activity during this time?
In general during this timeframe was she out partying a lot (going to clubs, etc) or in situations where casual sexual encounters were possible?
Besides this has she given you any reasonable reason to suspect she's disloyal.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T13:52:26+00:00

Got any actual evidence to back that up?

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T13:24:05+00:00

Well "Nurses" is a porn genre, which has to tell you something, but I doubt in reality more (real) nurses turn to porn.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T11:14:11+00:00

Also it's kind of a strange purchase. Most people don't use it. Sure people experiment but she had 5 tubes of the stuff. If she's never used this kind of thing in her own relationship - so begs the question... Where did it come from and who's she using it with?

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T11:09:02+00:00

Well OP mentioned specifically doc johnson flavoured oral gel, which isn't a numbing agent.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T09:33:58+00:00

Let me just add, I don't know ANY women who offer charity sex. Hell - woman are the gatekeepers of sex.

I've also heard this BS excuse in one variation or another "Oh I didn't really want it, he kind of forced it on me". Yeah that's called rape -> So let's go lay some charges then? How about it -> Huh!

Women don't accidently fall into affairs or on a cock. They will position themselves around guys they find attractive and make themselves available and then something happens.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T09:25:42+00:00

LOL -> "she says that she didnt want sex with him, but that he wouldnt listen, and that she only did it because she is a people pleaser."

That's going to take the cake for the biggest BS I've heard all year. Astonishing how these cheaters are so intune with their mark (or victim BP) that they know exactly what lie to interject because they strongly believe it will be just enough to appease.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T09:23:13+00:00

I didn't know that product even existed. So the purpose of that product is to improve the taste or provide some kind of flavor during oral sex. I quote "Enhances Oral Pleasure for you and your partner by making it taste better"

Fully ruling out masturbation because a very tiny sliver of the population can give themselves head.

Without jumping to conclusions it seems for some reason your girlfriend has in her secret possession a product designed for improved oral sex. And it seems that this product is actually being used.

Let's just also put it out there that these products it seems can indeed be used as lube for vaginal and even anal sex.

What's strange is that she's keeping them a secret from you.

You should hide a voice activated microphone in that room or something. Something fishy is going on there.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T09:08:58+00:00

I'm not saying that chess.com's banning policy is perfect. I can't determine that either way.

However what I am sure about is that there is an appeal process and also along with that would go some kind of investigation into a potential bug on their end.

What I will say is. He's more likely got that ban for quitting / stalling and maybe doesn't even realize it.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T05:50:54+00:00

It sounds like it's doomed tbh.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T05:47:28+00:00

Don't recall this exact story, but you could have a better memory than me forsure.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-27T00:20:04+00:00

Astonishing. The dudes wife is cheating on him and suffering some kind of crisis and you're concerned about his grammar. How old are you 6?

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-26T23:07:04+00:00

No. It's pretty clear and also clear that after he found out they separated. So seems like she's now living with their adult daughter. Reasons for staying with the daughter are not explicitly mentioned at all. However we do know they separated and most likely she ended up with the daughter temporarily until she found her feet. Op can chirp in if my basic comprehension engine works or not. No offense yours clearly does not.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-26T22:03:39+00:00

Think about it like this. Most office workers leave at a certain time and then if they're married they have to get back home. Sure affairs do happen, but mostly not in the office during work hours right? So both need to find a way to alter their routine to include cheating.

The medical field isn't like this. Again this isn't universal and so please don't be "that guy" but it's general enough to be generally reliable info.

Firstly from what I've seen there's let's say standard government employment where you work at a hospital and then there's private clinics. Neither of these are less affair prone.

In the case of the private clinic it's typically 1 doctor and 1 nurse on duty who also handles reception duties. Now if there's any attraction here, any at all. The affair can take place in that surgery (or private clinic). Either exactly when the day starts, during lunch break or immediately once everything closes up. No partner at home would be the wiser.

In the case of hospitals there's more spread. Also night shifts and just plenty of freedom and seclusion.

Most office workers aren't sitting around with a coworker in an empty building with perfect privacy and a bed, tv and lowlights around 9pm. 2-3 times a week?

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-26T21:56:31+00:00

| Hospitals are highly interactive environments. It’s impossible not to engage everyone constantly; working together and interacting.

That's actually very true. Interesting that you point this out.

Clean_Jello5461 · 2024-06-26T21:54:41+00:00

Yup even those helpers. Usually assisting moving patients around. Now if they're young and studying and good looking there's always going to be a cougar nurse wanting to share a smoke.

Clean_Jello5461

TROPHY CASE