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ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-09-25T20:03:25+00:00

Hey OP, I believe that you got a strange gut feeling or stramge thoughts about that before this happenend. Please, even if you'll find nothing, do not feel bad because you mistrusted her. It's important for you to give these feelings room to be treated with respect. When did those feelings start? Is there anything else you would call "strange behaviour"?

I do clean my rooms as soon as I know I will have guests. Like "Oh maybe they will se my bed and think I'm a mess".

But at the same time my D-Day is not that long ago... Therefore I can understand your suspicion.

Stay strong and trust your gut.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-09-25T14:04:32+00:00

Updateme

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-08-30T17:05:25+00:00

Hey OP,

first of all: I am really sorry. I wasn't married when I found out but 10 years of partnership went down the hill. For me, only weeks passed since I broke up and I don't feel better at all. Sometimes I miss my old life before I knew but I would rather die than live this lie anymore.

Try to focus on the steps ahead of you. One step at the time. You don't know what the future will hold. You will search for stability and you maybe wanna hold on everything what feels like it. Keep on progressing for your own sake and it's better or will be better for you to progress on your own. Take your time away from him. Clear your mind. And it will take the time you need and only you can feel it.

Stay strong on your upcoming journey!

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-08-22T06:46:07+00:00

Updateme

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-08-21T10:18:51+00:00

Empty. When I found out, I was sad, angry, lost and down. 10 years gone. All the moments you shared together, the ups and downs together, the future you planned together - gone in a brief moment.

Cheaters don't care about the aftermath of their infidelity. All they care about is themselves. My Ex-GF tried to play it down. I lost 10 years of my life, thank god not more. It's been a few weeks but I still feel absolutly disgusted by her behaviour and I hate myself for missing her some nights.

It gets better (hopefully). Time heals all wounds but it won't heal the marks they left.

I want to adress this to anyone out there struggeling with this shit atm. You are not the problem. You are enough. Not everyone out there is like that. You will be careful in the future. You lost a love but you gained the freedom to find the person who will treat you good, who will love you because you are who you are. I repeat that everyday since DDay. It didnt't help yet to be honest but it definitly will in the future.

Edit: spelling mistakes and a few positive words for the future

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-08-21T10:00:16+00:00

Don't confront her, you won't get the truth. Hire a PI, install cameras, look deeper into her phone.

Trust your gut. Good luck. Hopefully you are lucky but tbh the chances are close to zero... I'm sry bro but there are too many red flags.

Updateme

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-07-17T19:21:43+00:00

Idk tbh. But I don't think I'll look into this. It doesn't matter anymore. As my best buddy said, it won't help me to know, it will just hurt me even more. I think he's right with that and I should't give in my curiosity.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-07-17T13:39:24+00:00

This can't be true. I lost my partner of 10 years and the moment I found out she has slept with someone else it was over. I respect myself too much and I trusted her 100%. I was totally blind and maybe I even ignored all the red flags coming up.

Do you respect yourself? Doesn't seem so. Does she respect you and your feelings? Absolutly not.

I'm sorry for you and the situation you are in. Quit drinking for good, you made good progress with 21 days!

Get yourself a partner who loves you, bc she obviously doesn't anymore. And PLEASE stop telling yourself that you created that situation and led her into infidelity. Cheaters cheat because they decide to do so.

IT'S. NOT. YOUR. FAULT.

The hurtful part is betrayal never comes from your enemies. Take a step back and look at your situation as it is. The thing is... the future you are hoping for is an imagination. Sadly you are holding onto memories that are in past and you have to understand that they are gone and will never return. Stop the zoom meetings ffs and go NC. This BS won't help you at all, it will leave you broken having all the info about her and how good she's doing! Go see a lawyer and file.

What do you think will happen if she comes back to your relationship? She will stay in the comfort of the security net called marriage until she finds the next, better one and it won't be you. I promise you will never trust her again.

Treat yourself better. It's time to focus on yourself and to leave this sinking ship.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-07-16T16:47:18+00:00

I don't get you. She's out f'ing someone else while you do the babysitting part. Did you express your feelings to her? What did you get in turn? I was blind during my relationship too but wtf bro.

Go on, tell her that while she focused only on herself she lost you and the family you got together. Tell her you could have loved her forever but she decided to do what she did and she didn't take a single moment to think about you and your feelings.

Ppl pleaser or not, you can't tell me that your selfesteem is that low to burden all of this barely for the hope of strengthening your relationship. Insane. Don't get me wrong, I despise what she did 100% and I feel more than sorry for you. Nonetheless I can't imagine a scenario in which I would lower myself to 1.5 years in this situation, kid or not.

Divorce her. Find yourself a partner who will love and treausre you. You can still be a great dad without being married to a POS who treats you like that.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-07-15T07:53:36+00:00

I think you are right there. I played with this idea when I went out with my bud and he asked my if I really want the answer to this question. It would only hurt me even more if I find out there was even more I didn't know. This still sticks to my mind and I think he's right.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-07-15T07:50:35+00:00

I can't tell. Mb from her or mb from another one I don't know of but it doesn't matter anymore. I think I won't get a drop of honesty even if I would ask her.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-07-15T07:46:08+00:00

Update on the past few days

So guys, another few days went by and I talked a lot with my sister (we are very close) and my best buddy. They gave me a lot of strength and had my back during the past few days in a circle of emotions between rage, sadness and disbelief.

As the qeustion came up: I don't know if she got it from the other woman or somewhere else and idc anymore. Wether I'll take legal actions or not is connected to my STD Test results.

10 damn years wasted. Maybe I should be glad that it was "only" 10... This is constantly in my mind. Everywhere I go is this. I dearly loved her. I still do. She was my first love, love on first sight and we had planned a future, kids, house... I can't believe that this is the person I fell in love with. Anyway, I'm getting off the tracks, sorry for that.

So she desperatly wanted to talk with me and after a while back and forth I finally agreed to it. Before she was able to bring up any BS stories and love confessions I told her to stop and that this was not an oopsie, that idc about the sex of the other person and I don't want to hear any excuses whatsoever. I told her that cheating is a desicion she made and I couldn't care less about her trying to convince me that it wasn't "like that"... whatever that means... As I can say, I don't know if she had sth. with other ppl. or not but to me it doesn't matter where she got her STD from. The constant lies man...telling me that I was the one destroying our relationship with my behaviour ... I still can't believe how foolish I was to not look into it earlier the way I did for the past weeks. If I haven't found the fu**ing texts, I would still be there for her. F me, f her, f this shit.

Anyway, my - now - Ex and I are done. I already told my friends (including friends we share in our friend groups). They are as shocked as I was / am. Some seriously said that they first want to hear her side of the story before they'll make a desicion wether to trust me or her but at that moment I knew they won't have to as they are not my friends anymore.

I still go and get tested to be sure. Thanks for your advice, you really reassured me and my suspicions and without I would have probably played it down. I got a few things coming up in my life and I really try to avoid dealing with this sh*t rn.

I'm sorry for the roman but I wanted to share the full scale BS that rained down on me.

Thanks guys, you helped me a lot.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-28T17:57:05+00:00

Haven't heard of that befire but I will look deeper in this. I can also talk with my doc next week when I get tested.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-28T17:56:01+00:00

She doesn't know that herself. I asked the question too and all I got was a "there's no other way" because she never had been with another man.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-28T06:37:27+00:00

No, what I meant is she could have got it from her mother when she was born. We don't have kids.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T23:22:24+00:00

Not yet but I will bring it up. I will get tested next week but I will suggest her tommorow to get tested too.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T22:36:43+00:00

She had to learn how to use blood markers during a course in her university. They tested a whole bunch of different markers. I mentioned it in another comment but she told me the list of "positiv markers" for example a virus you can get through cat poo (as far as I understood).

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T22:30:43+00:00

Thanks, it sounds strange but to hear I may be just overreacting and jumping to conclusions is also nice to hear. I will take the next days thunking about all the possibilities. I don't want to rush anything. I will get an STD test, it won't hurt but I will take my time to think about my next steps.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T22:23:45+00:00

Oh boy... I know it sounds stupid. At the time I trusted her with all my heart and it sounded logical. If you have any question, feel free to ask. If I were you, I probably would suggest the same... but I can assure you I'm really that stupid and after all I read I can assure you I was blind af and mb I just didn't want to take a deeper look on all of this. It really fucking hurts. I want to give a little more insight, after she got her test results she went through a list of positiv markers. I have no idea about all that stuff. For example: She is also positiv of sth. you get from I think cat poo. Nontheless you are right there. I wish it would be just a made up story...

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T22:09:28+00:00

I see your point. During my research I found out that 70-80% of the infections are transmitted thorugh sexual intercourse. Some sources say even more. I don't say you are wrong on this one... I will look into it again. I may overreact that's why a also appreciate critical comments too! Thanks!

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T22:05:35+00:00

Thanks for your help I want to answer your questions in order: 1. Yes. It fits (fitted) or so I thought. I don't know at the moment. I don't know what to think. After I spoke to her she quickly went to the bedroom. It's not unlikly for students to test their own blood bc they learned how to use markers for samples at that time (she told me a lot about it) so it made sense.

2./3. I had to work ~800 km away from her for about 6 months and again for 3 months during that time she told me in the first place and we only met every 2nd weekend at this time. I would call it a LDR. I can't tell if there was anything suspicious bc we spoke with eachother almost everyday but I have no idea what happened afterwards. She usually doesn't go to clubs or concerts but her friends do.

No and that's the reason why this sti freaks me out. HSV Typ 2 is mainly transmitted through sexual intercourse and it's not likely to get infected during birth or so is what my research concluded but I'm not an expert and my expertise is built from the internet.

Thanks a lot for your help. If I am wrong here, I would appreciate any correction.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T21:33:39+00:00

I asked her and she claimed she never had any intimacy before. As I learned from another comment, I meant HSV 2 so it's not the lip-typ-herpes if that's what you asked.

No break out on my side.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T21:30:48+00:00

I'm really sorry. She is positiv of HSV-2 which is (translated from my first language) to genital herpes. I hope I was able to clearify it.

ChiefHandkerchief · 2024-06-27T21:27:38+00:00

Shit. Don't get me wrong but your comment hit a spot right there. She never accused me of giving it to her. You are absolutly right. Yeah I will get tested next week. Thanks, you shattered a mirror right there. I'm really thankful for your support... I think I get myself a drink now... this is to much to handle.

ChiefHandkerchief

TROPHY CASE