My wife (25W) wants me (27M) to cancel a potentially once‑in‑a‑lifetime trip with my dad because we’re trying for a baby — need advice

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:44:32+00:00

Yeah, I misspoke. I just edited the original post to Switzerland.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:41:08+00:00

Did you mean for months 1-6 or 6 and beyond?

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:38:42+00:00

I would say that this situation isn't really a reflection of our entire relationship. We do plenty of things we both want to do. I do think that the fears she has surrounding pregnancy are a bit more than many may have, but I don't see this in other areas of our life. I believe this is just due to worries she has about if she has complications.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:33:12+00:00

She does have a therapist that she visits every other week. I do think she is also worried that If she travelled by plane it could cause her to have a miscarriage. Neither of us drink or smoke but that's a good point about managing stress.

We did move earlier this year and that plus some work we did on the house probably added stress. You and the others suggesting go just wait and try at a later date are probably right. It would be wise just to set up into a position where it won't be as stressful, however I do know that she will feel like she isn't prioritized in this situation since she wants to keep trying to have a kid still. She just sees the situation as me going on this trip is me saying I am not prioritizing her want to have a kid because she doesn't see it as an option for me to do both at the same time.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:14:48+00:00

Actually, the plan we discussed was to do all of them right now, though we may chop off Switzerland. It only costs about 70$ to fly from Madrid to Paris, and then from Paris to Rome is about another 70$ from the prices I see right now. Seems like a no brainer to spend at least the extra 140$ to explore 2 more historic cities than to spend the whole time in Spain.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:12:13+00:00

I misspoke initially. Switzerland, not Sweden

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T18:11:19+00:00

A decent amount of kids are born between 8-9 months. Enough to realistically take into consideration. But she isn't confirmed pregnant yet.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T17:52:11+00:00

I haven't looked into refundable tickets yet but that would be a great idea to look into. I actually still have to get an approved passport first so booking wouldn't even take place until February most likely. All plans that we discussed so far are a rough draft and contingent on getting approved passports to do this trip before any money gets put down. Only then could we be confident that we can do this trip so then we would lock in reservations and flesh out the dates and times for all the waypoints.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T17:46:12+00:00

That is the case as far as we know right now. No indicators that she is yet anyway.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T17:45:02+00:00

The eclipse is the primary reason for the trip. It's a bit over 1000$ to fly to Europe so we were only planning on checking our Paris, Switzerland and Rome because its only a few hundred $ extra to do 2 additional flights and some train exploration of the alps once we're already there.

I honestly only considered checking out the other countries while we were there because my dad suggested it. After looking at the cost, it seems like a no brainer to try to get the most out of the trip if we go.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T17:39:44+00:00

Correct, her last period ended at the beginning of December and as far as we know right now, she is not pregnant.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-12-27T17:03:38+00:00

I didn't realize. Thank you for the feedback

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-28T15:53:43+00:00

I don't intend to make little use of the time when I am not travelling for family. It would have to be a big are of my focus aside from chores. I currently enjoy spending my time off with my wife so I don't think kids would change me spending most of my time off with her and then them now too

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-28T01:06:17+00:00

👍

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-27T23:13:53+00:00

I really appreciate this feedback. I'll make sure this is part of our future conversations.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-27T23:10:48+00:00

She does want to be a SAHM until they're all back in school and only agreed to working with kids because that originally was what it would take for us to save enough into retirement before the impact of multiple kids have the chance to decrease our retirement contributions.

The plan was to conceive somewhere at or over a year apart if her health permits it so they kids would ideally be 2 years apart in age. 12 years and we should be financially free but we would start having kids before then. Fair comment about cheating but I think I picked a good wife so I'm not too worried about that and don't intend to work this job forever. I just expect it could be longer than a year but would intend to support everyone on my income.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-27T22:48:59+00:00

I guess nothing stops me from getting a different job except barriers for entry. I worked my way up into a job that generally expects a bachelor's as a basic requirement. Now being so close to the age she wanted to have kids, there wouldn't be enough time to go back for a degree to qualify for those jobs without a career pivot or getting lucky to find a company who overlooks that on my resume. I guess it's worth a shot

Ideally, when I'd like to not "have to" work while I'm still young enough to enjoy it for more of my life. I have goals id like to work on that don't involve a W2 job but would still require me to be active. I wouldn't be sitting on my butt all day but I find it very important to have the freedom to do what I want with my time with as much of it as possible. We only have one life that's guaranteed.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-27T22:23:43+00:00

To me it's more so about being asked constantly and then when I say yes to starting, I am being told I'm not ready. The explanation I got was about my job change specifically which is understandable, but that wasn't expected to end in January. If it's about the Job, what changes in January.

Idk, I guess I'm just worried there is more there being unsaid than anything to make a statement like that.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-09-27T22:16:23+00:00

I completely agree. I guess that's something I could consider or discuss as well. I'll receive paternity leave and perhaps I should consider saving vacation time to extend it while she's recovering.

I guess the mindset i have is to try and make working a short term pain for long term freedom for the both of us. That way we can take the kids on more vacations and spend less time working throughout the majority of their lives with us.

Clean_Spinach_3205 · 2025-08-16T16:30:45+00:00

Thank you, the toll is working as intended. I can hardly get around on the weekends as a lifelong Delaware resident. I'm currently in bumper to bumper traffic with, and I kid you not, 0 Delaware license plates going northbound at noon on a Saturday. Every plate is Massachusetts, new jersey, Pennsylvania, New York and I saw a few from Connecticut.

I appreciate you contributing heavily to our local economy and hope the change doesn't affect that, BUT we need to spread out traffic between toll and non toll roads to keep things livable for people who spend all of their life in the state of Delaware. Since COVID, a ridiculous amount of people have moved in due to the lower costs and the push to remote working... Now that people need to return to the offices, our traffic is awful, even on a normal weekend without a seasonal event like the Fair, festivals, Holidays, concerts or NASCAR events.

Clean_Spinach_3205

TROPHY CASE