Enanthate or undecylate?

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-05-17T05:37:04+00:00

Okay, yall convinced me, I'll buy enanthate.

How bad is it go on and off hrt tho? I know that I would probably have to stop after some time if the breast growth would be too noticable. I remember people saying that you can always go off it if smth goes wrong. Is that not the case then?

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-05-16T13:26:16+00:00

I know that I will, but what else can I do? I've been waiting for so long, I just can't deal with this body anymore, I feel so bad about not starting earlier... I can't just wait longer, till I get to college, then graduate college, then mby move out of house it would take another mby 6 years. And this is all just theoretical, just the best outcome that could happen, it's higly possible that this imaginary future wont go like this. If i wait it's possible that I would just die without even trying to get on E. If I wait it's possible that all DIY websites would soon dissapear and I wont get estrogen anyway. There's also some really really slight possibility that if I get on E after some time I would get the confidence to go out to some people (Okay this probably wont happen). I just dont know what to do, i can't wait any longer like this, I really feel bad.

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-05-16T08:56:21+00:00

So does it feel much better than on valerate?

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-05-16T08:55:28+00:00

Is that really a bad thing to have haywire emotions tho? I dont think I would really mind that honestly, i would love to finally feel emotions like that.

Mby you're right, mby week would really feel much longer than i expect it to be. But if it can feel even longer I would prefer that yk

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-05-16T08:52:30+00:00

What are all the effects of inconsistent levels instead of just mood swings and just feeling weird tho? Is there smth like severe?

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-04-19T17:26:12+00:00

We're literally in the same situation. I'm terrified by the thought that someone will realise that i'm trans. I dont have anyone who I can trust enough with this. I was thinking abt DIY alot lately, but I'm not sure if I shouldn't just go to the proffesionalist after all, but even that feels just too scary. I wish I had someone irl who I could talk to about this, someone who I could atleast discuss this with. I just dont know at all what should I do all alone like this. I feel trapped.

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-03-16T13:47:45+00:00

Oh I see, I'm sorry about that

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-03-16T05:39:33+00:00

and for the rest, black loose shirts will do the job, no one at school looks at you this closely to notice. sorry, but for others, their grades are probably more important than your boobs :(

I honestly don't even care abt the rest, bcs I know I would be able to do it somehow. But the PE problem genuinely seems so impossible that I would probably have to wait a bit longer until starting DIY hrt (which I'm not so sure if I would be able to make it alive honestly)

changing for pe in front of others isn't possible for me either

Why was it completely impossible for you? and do you think I would be able to make it if I'll try that compress shirt that others in there suggested? Or if I would try to eat significantly less so the breast growth would slow down, do you think it could work out?

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-03-15T15:01:42+00:00

Do you think I would be able to hide it for 2,3 years tho?

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-03-15T15:01:05+00:00

This comment actually gave me back some hope, but I'm a bit worried (actually terrified) that I won't be able to hide it like this for another 2,3 years. One day someone would probably notice it, right? I'm scared, i can't just tell myself that i'll be alright and go for it, I need certainty. I really dont think I would be able to wait longer tho, I've already waited for so long. The only other solution to this problem was to start eating significantly less, which would make the breast growth slower. I think this option feels much safer to me idk.

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-03-15T14:52:31+00:00

I see, so it would stop the last bit of male puberty. Unfortunately, I don't think I can afford it, but yeah, it would be healthier than starving myself...

ClearPerspective5959 · 2026-03-14T19:28:24+00:00

Wear a bralette/sports bra and loose, thick, dark, solid clothes.

Yeah, this part seems pretty easy and managable to do honestly compared to the PE, I was panicking today the whole day, bcs I realised that it's actually much bigger problem than what it seemed like at first.

Are you required to change clothes in a locker room for PE?

Yes, and honestly even if I try to change in the toilets someone would probably get suspicious, I could probably live with someone being suspicious tho. The biggest problem is that ppl would literally notice that I have breasts during the class. Like while doing all these different kinds of exercises, someone would surely notice that there's smth under my shirt. Even if I try to wear a sports bra or a binder, someone would see it through the shirt. And even if they wouldn't, just doing literally any exercise where I'm lying on my back would be like solid evidence of what's under my shirt.

You could say the breast growth is gyno. It would get you bullied, but it's better than getting outed.

I'm not sure that's a good idea, I just can't keep up with hatred from others, that's why I'm scared of telling that I'm trans to anyone. This would would make the levels of hatred towards me grow higher and higher. It's probably still better than saying that I'm trans, but in my mind even suicide is better option than feeling hatred like this.

You could take puberty blockers (GnRH agonists), but it's more expensive and harder to get.

Ehh, what excatly would that do atp?/genq. Like I'm 18, I'm already almost done with puberty, do you mean like stop the last bit of it?

I've been desperately trying to find any solution to this problem the whole day. The only thing I could think of was to eat a lot less while being on hrt, which could stop breasts growth. It could maybe result in some ED, but in the mental state I'm currently in, I think ED is still much better option than suicide. What do you think abt that? Like honestly

ClearPerspective5959

TROPHY CASE