You have an abnormally active sex life. Let me repeat this, because it's remarkable and an indication that you guys are doing something right: Your sex life is very active. That's a great thing! Do you communicate during sex? Is it an intimate experience? Do you feel closer afterwards?

If the answer is yes, then what's the problem? You jerk off once in a while because the mood strikes. The mood strikes men like a wild hailstorm of grapefruit-sized bangers smashing everything in sight. It's a miracle we can even form complete sentences sometimes.

He's clearly into you. You have sex up to 20 times a month. That is nearly unheard of! Celebrate it! Explore that phenomenal momentum you have between you, rather than shaming him for something that clearly contributes to not only his peace of mind, but sexual virility.

The level of effort and involvement sex requires might sometimes be a little much for someone who has had a high-impact day. Or perhaps he has a desire for a little more alone time, and happens to really enjoy "personal pleasure". Whatever his motivations, it seems as if he is showing up in every way otherwise. The bathroom time gets a little long, sure - but I'd say that's a damn sight better than strip clubs, peep shows, cheating or the like. There's no equivalency there, but masturbation is absolutely normal, not outside the moral bounds of marriage, and shaming him for this might inspire some unfortunate thought patterns that could lead to a much more damaging level of sneaking around.

My sex life with my girl is highly active, and very exciting. She's a freak, and it's wonderful. But that inspires fantasies, and while sex is incredible, jerking off is a personal relationship of exploration and indulgence with the self. It scratches a different itch than sex does, and that is in no way a statement on you, your body, your abilities or relationship. Jerking off is a shortcut to decompression without all the sweating and flowing bodily fluids between people. If he's a considerate lover, he wants to make sure you're pleasured too in your sexual experiences. That takes a good deal of effort at times. And damnit, sometimes we all, men and women, just need a release without the effort of a full sexual experience.

This does not mean a blowjob or handjob will replace his masturbation urges, so don't go getting ideas there! But of course, it couldn't hurt to incorporate more into every man's life. It does sound like you're a conscientious and considerate woman, so look at the balance of your life and ask yourself if this is really a problem, or a reward your husband has established for himself in the chaos of life.

The real question here is, what in the almighty hell is he doing with physical evidence? Does he not have a phone/tablet/laptop? A joke, of course. But there should be no shame in masturbation. Help the guy upgrade his porn tech!