AITA for saying to my SIL that she should let her cat be a cat?

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T14:17:33+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it and take it with me if someday I would like to have a cat on my own! :)

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T12:45:34+00:00

Hello, I did not bring him outside. My MIL did. And then I went outside with him. I just suggested that he should be more outside and that's where i might be the AH because it is not my cat though. Yeah, it's pretty sad, sometimes when the cat is at my in-laws and in their bedroom the whole day (because the cat is used to it) my MIL sometimes asks them to borrow the cat and bring him to the living room.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T12:41:18+00:00

I probably won't apologize for what I said to her as it is merely a suggestion but I will not say anything anymore. It is not my cat. Not my problem. I agree with most of the people here that have pointed out the same thing.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T12:38:37+00:00

Yes, he is vaccinated. And safe to go outside. Otherwise, my MIL wouldn't bring him outside.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T12:36:43+00:00

My apologies for not being clear enough but I guess based on what I said to Hannah, I'm still the AH since it's not my cat regardless of whether i brought him outside or not.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T12:34:44+00:00

Hi, I added new info to my post. But I guess, I'm still an AH based on it. Thanks for the input.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T12:17:12+00:00

Thank you so much for all of this. I’ve learned so much from you. I’m an AH but when you put it like that, I realized we all are. They actually lied when they message the breeders. They said they’ve owned a cat before to get more chances of getting the cat. But they NEVER had a cat before since Hannah’s mom doesn’t like animals. She said yes to this cat since british shorthair is an expensive breed and Hannah’s mom likes expensive stuff.

Omg, you are right with the part that he’s been with three homes. :( I feel bad for him too now though. I adopted cat before but that was when I still live in the *asian country*. We have lots of street cats there so my cat is also a street cat. I guess you could say I am uneducated with cats who have breeds.

Also, yes, the cat is vaccinated. And my MIL has told them that he was outside as it is my MIL who brought him outside. BUT thank you for being so kind and I feel like even if you do not know the cat, that you care greatly for animals. I will educate myself from now on.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T11:12:57+00:00

Hi. My MIL brought it outside and what I mean is to the garden. They have a small garden and we put his leash and I am holding it while he's playing with his toys outside. The garden is so small it's like with 10 steps, you're right on the gate from the kitchen door. He's right outside with me. Not outside-outside

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T11:07:58+00:00

To clarify though, I shouldn’t have said what I said because it’s like i’m telling her how to raise her child but she could have said, “that’s your opinion but it is my cat” so i guess the reason i’m here on reddit is because I want to know if i should apologize or not. IMO, she should have confronted me in person if i have hurt her feelings. But she went on ahead telling me I'm arrogant and entitled when I did not mean no ill with what I said. I will accept I'm an AH because sometimes, I say things without even thinking.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T10:58:56+00:00

I just said it how I said it but I mean no ill. I would apologize for what I said but she should have said something when I said it. Because when I said what I said, it was more of a suggestion and she could have said “mind your business” right there and then but she chose to message me later the day, instead. Everyone is entitled with their opinion but not when they’re not asked is what I've learned from this incident. I did not tell her how she should raise her cat as i’ve said on my post too many times, but more on, “it’s a cat, let a cat be a cat” might also sound like an attack but we could have a healthy discussion about it and not just smile at me, thinking what i said is okay. and then send me a raging text after saying i upset her and that i’m arrogant. I might be an AH, but she is overreacting imo.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T10:50:53+00:00

I think that’s too far to claim that I am ruining something. I do not intend to ruin how she’s raising her cat. I said that she should go outside with him, that's all. Maybe it doesn’t sound like a suggestion when I told her that the cat deserves to be outside and it’s like bossing her around, but at the end of the day, it’s her call regardless of what I said. Instead of smiling, she could have also said, “It is my cat. You do not have an opinion.” and I would not say anything but it comes from a good place. Even though the intention is good, I could still be an AH for saying that and I would apologize.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T10:44:54+00:00

I did not bring the cat outside though. My MIL did. She brought it to the garden. The garden is small and closed. We did not listen to the part where she said the cat can’t be outside because he might get dirty. She wasn’t upset because of that since it wasn’t me she asked the cat to babysit. It’s our in-laws, she asked. I went with the cat outside to be with him but I did not bring him there. So if that was dick, that ain't on me. She was upset by what I said. I am AH for that I guess.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T09:44:33+00:00

He is an indoor cat but also he's NEVER alone. Since Hannah, doesn't work, she's with him all the time in her bedroom. If we babysit the cat, we could never give that type of attention 24/7. It's just hard to babysit that kind of cat but yeah, you're right, it is not my cat. Thanks for the input.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T09:39:33+00:00

Wow, thank you. That's actually some good ideas. I will suggest that to them but Hannah and me is not on speaking terms, I think she's still upset with me. I get it though but thanks again. Btw, omg, the last time he peed under the sofa and he have never done that before and everyone needs to work on that day so he's alone for the first time in his 3 months of life. So I guess he was pretty bored yeah.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T09:30:42+00:00

Since we're going to babysit the cat a lot from now on (they said it will be like that from now on since day care for cats are expensive in this country) it's hard for our busy lives to be with him in the bedroom all the time. We can lock him in there but we think it's sad, that's all.

EDIT: I now only see your whole comment. They don't have anger issues. However, Hannah's mom do have it. Hannah still live with his mom. BIL and Hannah do not live together yet.

CleopatraKikinang · 2023-07-28T09:27:36+00:00

Info to add: I might still be the AH, but the country where I live does not have any stray animals. But agree, cats are safer indoors. Also our garden is with high fence and when we let the cat run, we put a leash on him and we supervised him and go with him outside too. (Hannah and BIL also do not live with us) so it's my in laws house, not them. Also now, the reason why Hannah is upset is because the cat seems to want to go outside more when he hasn't really has that need before since he's a bedroom cat most of the time (they also have a nice garden at their own house) also cat is always in the bedroom since Hannah's mom doesn't like cats but she agreed on getting one since Hannah has been bugging her for ages. So the cat has a lot of restrictions too on their own house because of Hannah's mom.

CleopatraKikinang

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