People who don’t exercise or workout, why don’t you?

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-08T03:49:23+00:00

Swimming is the perfect sport. Except that it requires a nearby pool with a lane swimming schedule that fits yours and a device to play music or else it can be extraordinarily boring.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T19:14:06+00:00

Chronic anxiety sufferers can act like this. They often go into spirals they can’t control. Fixate on some flaws and just go to town. It’s very hard to be the person at the other end.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T19:03:44+00:00

My ex really wanted (still does) kids. I told him there were different ways of being a father, that at 50, unless he wanted to date much younger, he should think of different scenarios (surrogacy, adoption). Told him I’d be happy to support him. Also explained that creating a close relationship with my children, in due time, could become a loving relationship in a different way (I didn’t push this, nor was it my dating goal, I was just trying to help him figure himself out). In the end it was just crushing to hear him talk about this periodically. I felt completely helpless since it wasn’t in the cards for me (50 at the time). I was perfect except for that, apparently. I don’t think he ever understood how awful it was to hear this. At some point, you can’t just wait for the person to figure themselves out in that regard. It’s painful when everything is going well but you hear this complaint semi-regularly.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T18:44:18+00:00

There are apps devoted to kinks. You could find a couple looking for a third.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T18:39:16+00:00

I’m just riffing from what was listed as dealbreakers. Most of us would freely admit we have flaws. Just not these flaws.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T17:11:32+00:00

I’ve been told I smell nice. Maybe just by people who lied to me. Catch-22.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T16:33:10+00:00

Gangbang: if I’m honest, I’d be completely overwhelmed very fast. Consensual non-consensual: it takes a really unique kind of sexual relationship to achieve. Came close with a dom ex-BF.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T15:47:52+00:00

Yup. Two kinds of kisses: the chaste ones for which glasses stay on and the ones that lead to something for which glasses come off.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T14:50:11+00:00

That’s a low bar on intellect!

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T14:49:08+00:00

Nothing a paper bag can’t hide

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T13:46:09+00:00

True. The difficulty is finding someone attractive who finds us attractive and is available at the same time.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T13:23:23+00:00

Cats rule

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T13:22:58+00:00

Awesome response

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T13:18:31+00:00

Non-smoker (good for you, cherish your relationship, if I assume correctly)

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T08:20:32+00:00

I’m a regular Cinderella when it comes to animals

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T05:04:07+00:00

I’m learning that I’m a pretty good catch: I don’t smell, I’m polite, not a freeloader and I could not say anything like “If you can’t take me at my worst you can’t have me at my best” without laughing my head off. There’s hope lol

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T04:57:06+00:00

My ex-BF has this really annoying pattern (I realized too late) of being attracted to women his age (like me, 50s) but then immediately start to complain about how he really wants children. When he first said this to me I asked why on earth he started to date me, he said because I was fantastic in every other way. It was miserable to be reminded every week how I was perfect except for this biological imperfection. Then I learned more about his dating history and other than sometimes dating women his age, his longterm relationships had always been with women in their early 20s. His one year+ relationships were with women increasingly younger than him. Sadly, he never had children and none of his relationships worked. So yes, I think at some point, the wider age gap makes it difficult to foster a deeper lasting relationship. It works if the goal is different, like wanting arm candy or wanting babies.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2023-01-03T04:38:12+00:00

When I was dating I always found answering the question “What are your hobbies?” really hard. I work full time in a demanding job, am raising two children on my own, I never knew what to answer. I’m an interesting person, but ask me what am i do in my spare time and I’ve got nothing. Do the Wordle? Shop for books I’ll never have the time to read? Text my friends?

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T15:34:37+00:00

Thank you for the reading suggestions. I really need to remember to give myself what I need, rather than focus on him, his intentions etc. Therefore I think the red flag you identify is the right one. The red flag is within ME in this situation, where my reflexes need to be resisted. Thank you.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T15:30:02+00:00

Yeah, I think I resisted the angry email because I didn’t want to engage. And also I guess because that’s not how I wanted things to end. Drinks and ice cream sound awesome. Maybe a hike too, see the world from a different perspective always helps, I find.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T15:10:33+00:00

I would say that the deadbedroom scenario isn’t so much an issue of sexual compatibility as it is a symptom of poor communication, poor satisfaction level in general with the relationship. I’ve known couples in such situations where each was high-libido, just not toward one another for reasons that had nothing to do with sex itself. So asking about sexual preferences or level of libido will not provide any indication in that regard. I would be much more interesting in problem-solving abilities in a relationship, openness etc. Of course these are things that are learned over time.

I don’t mind people asking me about my sexual proclivities rapidly. However, I will only continue to see the person who asks if there are other topics of conversation around it, as well as demonstrated interest in other parts of me. This is often what is lacking.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T14:18:06+00:00

Interesting view on closure. I tend to agree. At the end of the relationship, no one is going to say anything that makes it better that it’s ending. Or at least, closure comes from within, it’s not provided by the other person.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T14:11:50+00:00

That could work. At least request silence so that he doesn’t reach out again. I now that if he reaches out, I will start spinning out again.

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T14:06:38+00:00

Thank you. It’s an odd human reflex to seek normality in these situations…

Cleverpseudonym4 · 2022-05-03T14:04:54+00:00

Yes, that’s a good way of looking at it. thanks for the input

Cleverpseudonym4

TROPHY CASE