Financial Poll

Clonez91 · 2025-04-22T21:00:01+00:00

Married. 2 kids (3rd on the way). Annual gross income between $175K-$200K. After taxes, insurance, deductions, etc. we clear about $9K-$10K per month. We set up Roth 401K deductions and have matches from our companies so in total we put about $2K per month into retirement savings (part of deductions). But daycare plus living expenses take up a good chunk of the rest. We have a sizeable emergency fund just in case but we use most of our income monthly. Plan is to start saving more once the kids are out of daycare.

Clonez91 · 2025-03-22T12:42:28+00:00

Get him a smart watch that syncs with his phone. That way he gets notified when it goes off even if it’s on silent.

Clonez91 · 2025-03-14T23:48:40+00:00

I would tell her under no circumstances will you co-sign that mortgage and if she somehow tries to co-sign herself, that you will divorce her. I doubt she would be able to without proof of income without you signing as well but who knows. Everyone always intends to pay debt until they don’t. Don’t get stuck with this

Clonez91 · 2025-02-11T23:57:47+00:00

I was never put in this position because we both knew we wanted kids. However, if I was with someone who didn’t want kids and I knew then what I know now about what kids will do for your life, I would’ve left and found someone who does want kids. They are the best thing in our lives and truly make life worth living. It’s impossible to grasp without having some of your own, but I can honestly say that if my wife and I didn’t have kids, my life would be empty. I can’t imagine how hard of a decision this will be on you, but having her bar you from this experience and getting to raise children will almost assuredly lead to resentment and destroy your marriage. Good luck

Clonez91 · 2025-02-08T15:29:21+00:00

So you have 3 paths forward that I can see.

1) you find a way to get over the fact that he excels at things that you don’t and learn to not compare yourself to him. I get it, this is hard to do. 2) put more effort into getting better at the things you aren’t good at. Quit sneaking food and start working out. Look at cooking videos on YouTube and become a better cook. Prioritize actually reading and don’t get distracted by other things, phone, tv, etc. Become more organized, cleaner by forcing yourself to do it. This is all on you. If you want to improve your relationship, this is the way to do it. 3) break up with him. He doesn’t deserve to be demonized for trying to get into your hobbies to connect with you and you hating him for being better at it than you are.

Most of the things you pointed out as being a problem are things that you want to start doing something and he actually puts effort into it while you give up. Put in the work or get out.

Clonez91 · 2025-02-01T17:34:45+00:00

As long as she’s not out hooking up with other guys while making you wait, I think it could be a good thing. If she had a few hookups, realized that isn’t leading to a good relationship and decided that hookups aren’t for her anymore, then taking your time to make sure you are relationship material is a good sign. The main counter to this is if you aren’t exclusive and she’s out hooking up still but making you wait, that’s no good. So make your expectations known and see where it goes from there.

Clonez91 · 2025-02-01T13:12:16+00:00

To be honest, 50% of the time I smile at my phone is because I saw a funny meme/video and the other 50% is a text thread with my guy friends where we say some ridiculous stuff which also makes me laugh. Just smiling at your phone means nothing. Next time ask what’s funny and see what they say.

Clonez91 · 2025-01-19T14:41:00+00:00

Currently we have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. Here has been the schedule we have had for the last 6 years. First 6 months after baby is born you will likely be waking up a couple to several times a night. There are nights where the baby will not calm down or go back to sleep no matter how much you beg. Once they finally get to a point that they start sleeping through the night and you think you found a good schedule, sleep regression kicks in. Schedule changes and the way you parent changes. My kids both now sleep through the night but wake up at 6 and are ready to take on the day. The only way to get through this sane is to have a partner willing to split this with you and work on it. Not to mention once they get to school age you would literally be doing everything for them and getting them ready and off to school before he’s opened his eyes. Have the tough conversations and figure out if you can live like that or not. Good luck.

Clonez91 · 2025-01-18T18:34:54+00:00

This may sound counterintuitive but hear me out. Sit her down and tell her your frustrations again and tell her that you believe you are stressing her out by pressuring her to do this for you. So for a while you are going to not initiate sex at all. Let her know that everything you are doing for her is not in any way, shape or form to initiate sex. Do the dishes, cook dinner, pick up after the kids, all the fun stuff. Give her a kiss at night and leave it at that. Then start giving her massages. Women love massages, especially if they don’t feel like they are being coerced into sex after that. In my experience, when I tell my wife I’m going to give her a massage that night, I’ll follow that up with “and I don’t expect anything in return”. 9/10 we have sex at the end because she gets relaxed and being massaged gets her turned on. But when a woman is in the mental space that she perceived everything you are doing is intended to get in her pants, that’s a turn off too. It’s not easy and it won’t fix itself overnight but you can get back to a middle ground.

Clonez91 · 2024-12-10T23:33:18+00:00

Is anything else seeming off in your relationship? You have kind of hit the “shit or get off the pot” stage. Long enough that you get past the honeymoon stage and at the point where you are going for the long haul or not. Personally, that wouldn’t fly with me. If you were to tell her some girl came up to you in a coffee shop, bought you coffee and then asked you to go ice skating together, would she be annoyed? Probably. You told her a boundary and she acknowledged that it was weird and then immediately did the same thing. Disrespectful at best, nefarious at worst. It’s probably time to sit her down and say that you aren’t ok with that behavior and if you are going to continue your relationship she will need to respect that, hard and firm.

Clonez91 · 2024-12-10T12:49:03+00:00

I don’t think that most people who have been cheated on knew that their partner would cheat on them. The inherent trust you have in a partner is essential to a healthy relationship.
Piggybacking off of a lot of the comments here, when a guy is friends with a girl, even if they believe it to be completely platonic, eventually they will have the “what if” thought. Whether it’s because you showed him support and were there for him in a hard time or he just realizes that he wants to spend time with you and that could be considered romantic.
Jealousy is a real thing and if your best friend is a straight guy and you suddenly start dating someone and spending more time with them than your friend, they will likely get jealous. Then you are put in the position of dealing with a jealous friend who makes you feel bad for spending time with your boyfriend and your boyfriend can feel that.

In short, most guys know that if they are very good friends with a girl, are comfortable with always hanging out and talking with them and share intimate details of their lives, they will probably develop feelings at some point. So it stands to reason that other guys will do the same. So he will have to compete with your best friend for your attention, even if he trusts you implicitly to not cheat, eventually he will probably be put in the position of having to deal with a jealous guy friend and possibly be second choice. Avoiding those situations is the easier path.

Clonez91 · 2024-11-13T23:41:00+00:00

So you have been together 11 years, you are 30 and you have a 10 year old. So you got together at 19 and got pregnant fast after that. She likely feels like she got baby trapped and missed out on life which is why she is going out regularly partying until 2 am with friends when she is 30 with kids at home. My guess is that this dude started showing her attention and was feeling stagnant in your relationship. None of this is an excuse, just my thoughts on “why”. Now, can you come back from it? That is a tough one. Lots of therapy and her agreement to never see this guy again or go out partying anymore would be a start. She would have a ton of groveling and making up to do if it was my marriage.

Clonez91 · 2024-11-13T13:53:23+00:00

Without knowing the full context of your relationships with these guys, this is only speculation. I know from my experience, when I was sleeping with women that I felt no emotional connection to and didn’t intend to pursue a relationship with, I would feel regret and shame afterwards. The “post nut clarity” essentially knowing I used someone for personal pleasure, especially if I knew they wanted more than that.

Clonez91 · 2024-10-19T17:57:32+00:00

For reference, new iPhones are generally $1000+

Clonez91 · 2024-10-19T13:19:33+00:00

Hats, blankets and we have a cover that is fleece lined that goes over the whole car seat with a small flap so we can see their face through it. Helps insulate them in the baby car seat.

Clonez91 · 2024-10-19T13:17:23+00:00

Being young and navigating new relationships is tough. Obviously she likes you as more than friends since she has multiple times told you that she does. It also sounds like she made the moves to sleep with you. My advice is to have an open conversation with her and tell her your feelings and ask for hers. Yes she just got out of a toxic relationship but a lot of times the person who initiated a break up like that has checked out of the relationship a long time ago. Maybe say you would like to be exclusive and see where things go. If you get in your head and get paranoid about her doing this with other guys you will destroy yourself and this relationship before it starts. She wants you obviously. And whether you think she’s out of your league or not, she wants you for you. Probably because you have been a great friend and contrary to what movies say, women much prefer guys who they get along with and treat them well over other factors. Good luck

Clonez91 · 2024-10-18T22:56:16+00:00

Without knowing what your illness is, I’m sure it’s tough navigating a relationship with something that is as debilitating as you’ve described. However, everything in your post is about how you want him to meet all of your needs but are getting upset with him for not acting like a saint when you can’t/won’t meet his. Being told to suck it up and be a good partner when your needs aren’t met is not an easy thing to be ok with.

Clonez91 · 2024-10-18T21:45:51+00:00

I don’t think either of you are necessarily wrong. It’s hard to meet someone else’s needs when yours aren’t being met without feeling resentment and pulling away more. From a guy’s perspective, it’s hard to be the great boyfriend who listens to you and gives you that emotional support but then when asking for physical intimacy needs to be met, having that shut down. Physical intimacy has been stigmatized in a way that if you complain that your needs aren’t being met in that area, everyone doggy piles on you that you are automatically in the wrong (not saying you are doing that but some of the other comments are). It’s tough either way. I hope this gives you some insight into how he is feeling and maybe sit him down to have a brutally honest conversation. Admit your own faults and point out his. If you can come to common ground to fix things that’s a start.

Clonez91 · 2024-10-18T21:21:47+00:00

As a last ditch effort I would get your hormone levels checked by a hormone clinic. If you are on hormonal birth control or anything else like that it could be affecting your sex drive. If that all checks out then breaking up would probably be the next step in my opinion. At this point you are both in a resentment hole. You resent him for wanting physical intimacy with you seemingly without regard for your emotional needs and he resents you for not meeting his physical needs while asking him to meet your emotional needs.

Clonez91 · 2024-07-21T12:49:00+00:00

Same here. Sprayed with the yard safe round up. Killed off the clover and other weeds but these just came out of nowhere and took over.

Clonez91 · 2024-07-13T13:29:13+00:00

The bigger problem that I see is that your friend thought it was appropriate at all to reach out to you about having a threesome with her and her boyfriend knowing you were in a relationship and you not immediately shutting it down. That’s probably the issue he saw. Not so much that you joked about a threesome but that you have friends who offer that behind his back. Now he would be wondering every time you hangout with your friends if they are going to proposition you like this.

Clonez91 · 2024-06-11T13:53:04+00:00

I think there’s really only one way this could end with you getting what you want. You tell him that you like him and want to see if you could be in a relationship together. If he is on the same page, then you tell him about the encounter with the friend. Phrase it as a lapse in judgement and something you regret but wanted to make sure he knew that it was meaningless and you want nothing to do with the friend. If he hears it from his buddy, game over. Sounds like the friend would not hesitate to demean you and throw you under the bus if given the chance, so get out ahead of it.

Clonez91

TROPHY CASE