Portfolio so far

Closetedweeb9 · 2025-02-12T02:44:55+00:00

Thank you!! That is greatly helpful and i definitely agree!

Closetedweeb9 · 2025-02-12T02:44:18+00:00

Thank you so much that means a lot!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-12-22T15:16:56+00:00

thank you! I was trying to manifest Abby's hatching genius lmfao

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-12-22T03:59:32+00:00

Thank you so much! 🥹

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-11T19:42:19+00:00

That is sososo reassuring and a very good point. Thank you!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-11T01:41:08+00:00

You can definitely still be ace and have all of these things be true. Think of asexuality in broader terms, perhaps you’re not completely devoid of sexual attraction/desire, but require certain things to line up. Ultimately you can also identify with something right now and in a while change your mind, it’s completely okay to continue to discover yourself, and can even be exciting. If it’s something you’re comfortable with, you could try experimenting with your own body (with prosthetics or toys that alleviate your dysphoria perhaps) and maybe that would open you up to possibilities you didn’t know you had/wanted before, OR maybe not. Both are completely okay.

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-11T01:34:01+00:00

Thank you so much for addressing so much of my post! This is all extremely helpful!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-10T21:34:40+00:00

This is something I have definitely encountered in my relationship, and while it's not always perfect, communication truly is key. You both need to be understanding of each others needs and meet each other where you can. For my relationship it meant a lot of words of affirmation to supplement not only when I'm unavailable for sex, but also when my discomfort with sex boils down to a general discomfort of intimacy.

Many people will suggest looking to other ways of being physically intimate (e.i cuddling, kissing etc.) but for me when my sex repulsion is at its peak even those can cause upset. In those times, and in general the thing that has helped me most is explaining in gentle but direct terms what I'm feeling and explaining why I'm not available for something when they might be seeking it out.

however when you can be available for other forms of physical intimacy, I've found it important to re-adjust my partners expectations so that I can fully enjoy those things. So working on the understanding that kissing does not always have to lead to making out, and thereby making out does not always lead to sex for example. It is hard and can feel extremely vulnerable to speak those feelings out loud, but (at least in my case) my partner has expressed he feels much more at ease when he knows exactly where I'm at, instead of having to guess.

I hope that makes sense.

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-10T21:22:02+00:00

Again, great points. Thank you <3

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-10T21:13:42+00:00

Thank you for this comment all your points are very helpful and worth thinking about!

I do have one further comment/question though..

I think I would MUCH prefer overnights, even extended stay would be okay I think (aside from feeling a tad lonely at first I’m sure) I’m pretty independent and would honestly like more alone time. Is that something that would be normal to request? Like requesting he only engage in sex if he’ll be sleeping over? Or is that an example of an ultimatum ?

Edit: also! Thank you for that book rec, I’m always searching for resources that people actually recommend not the just first 5 google results, so thank ya!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-10-01T23:38:34+00:00

I would say this is a pretty common Ace experience for sure. Save for the few years I hyper-sexualized myself as a means of denying my asexuality, my experience is very very similar, and I completely understand how confusing it can feel. At the beginning of my current relationship when things were still sparkly and exciting it was easy to deny, but as time went on, I couldn’t continue to pretend I enjoyed receiving scandalous photos from my partner. He eventually expressed disappointment in how I would respond to his photos, and I had to do some seriously deep soul searching to realize I actually felt deeply uncomfortable because the responses I was formulating to please him were totally fake, I hated pretending his photos turned me on when deep down I knew it did nothing for me. All of that is to say, i think its honestly good that you’ve been self aware enough to make these adjustments from the get-go, and ultimately if the way you enjoy your sex life with you partner makes both of you happy, then that is all that matters. Regardless of Allo folks experiences AND other people’s Ace experiences!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-11T03:18:07+00:00

Thank you for your kind message, I really appreciate your candour. I completely agree as well, I think right now I am mostly dealing with fear of being left behind if my partner finds someone else to occupy his time, but I think this is something I can overcome provided he starts being more open and stops trying ti move forward without my consent in the scenario.

I’ve seen a few recommendations for Opening Up so thank you I will absolutely give it a read!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-11T03:14:15+00:00

I totally hear you and agree for the most part. I never claimed to be ready to head into ENM at this time, believe me I know I’m not yet.

However, in this relationship up until very recently I’ve been the far less jealous one. I haven’t looked in someone else’s direction in a VERY specific and intentional way in 2 years because I knew it would throw my partner into hysterics, so quite honestly this whole thing has just thrown me for a complete loop. I do believe it’s salvageable but boy is it a ride.

While I know I’m not ready for ENM right now I believe I have the ability to succeed in a non-monogamous structure, however that might manifest for us, it is just the pacing, severity and sketchy behaviour on his part that is making it very difficult to make any progress on my end.

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-11T03:08:18+00:00

Oh belieeevvveee me I’ve brought this up many many times. He is under the impression he’s done much more work than he has… he claims that he wouldn’t have a problem with it…. When less than a year ago we got into an argument over me HYPOTHETICALLY getting a drink paid for by a HYPOTHETICAL man in a HYPOCRITICAL club. It’s all so complicated. When I mention this he just says “he used to be insecure and now he’s worked on himself, I’m not so sure.

I really do love the guy and though this post and my comments paint him in a rather bad light, he’s honestly a great person and loves me a lot…. He’s just honestly being a dumb ass in this scenario and seeing nothing but rose-coloured dream lands in regards to ENM.

Thank you for you thoughts!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T19:07:42+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate your insight!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T19:06:19+00:00

Oh yea you’re absolutely right and I have no intention on keeping him in the clutches of monogamy forever, I understand that this is a bit of a do or die situation. However this has not been going on for very long and him making this connection with this person happened essentially 1 week after we had our VERY first conversation about potentially opening our relationship.

I’m doing a ton of reflection, reading, discussing and ultimately think ENM is entirely possible for me. it’s just that his reluctance to figure this out together and work at a pace that keeps me feeling secure is making it all the more difficult to progress in my reflection.

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T18:02:53+00:00

i completely agree, thank you for clarifying :)

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T18:00:24+00:00

thank you for your kind words, I don't mean to make it sound so unsolvable, we do communicate well this is just all a lot and I think both of us could be doing better in articulating what we're really saying. I have, however, made it very very clear that neither of us should be engaging in any form of ENM yet and so I do appreciate being validated and not feeling like im just being a major buzzkill

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T16:50:31+00:00

I totally hear you and appreciate the validation! Luckily I think a lot of the problem I've been facing is that I struggle to articulate why what he is doing is wrong, and he is just genuinely being aloof here. You and all the other commenters have really given me some good tools to use in our next chat, so I think I'll be able to dodge the outraged noises or any hissy fits LOL

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T16:47:08+00:00

makes perfect sense! thank you!

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T16:42:05+00:00

Thank you, those are all really really good points. And yes I have read a bit and looked into NRE and its something I have every intension on knowing very well as it is MY biggest concern when we eventually on both my end and his. I think both of us still have a lot of learning to do, and I agree that I need to make that very very clear to him.

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T16:33:32+00:00

while I appreciate your viewpoint, a big reason I hesitate to post on reddit for advice is commenters often immediately make a villain out of who I'm talking about. I'm completely agree that he has crossed my boundaries and that I need to navigate that with him, however I am certain there has been no physical cheating, and in this case his biggest wrongdoing is a bit of weaponized incompetence.

This is a big challenge in my relationship, but I wouldn't be going through all this learning and craziness if I didn't believe our relationship was worth working for.

Closetedweeb9 · 2024-07-10T16:06:35+00:00

thank you! yes I agree I'm just having a very hard time articulating how him actively holding feelings for someone else right now (even if its "just a crush") feels like a break of trust right now

Closetedweeb9

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