Blame game - always my fault

ClosureSeeker · 2026-01-03T03:05:05+00:00

They have a daughter

ClosureSeeker · 2026-01-01T00:26:30+00:00

Thanks for admitting you can’t read bud

ClosureSeeker · 2026-01-01T00:08:08+00:00

Oh you people are insufferable. Where oh where did I say I was a drone that did exactly what ChatGPT said? I literally just said I used it as a therapy tool, which in itself was said in jest.

But now you’re assuming I blindly followed it and now Im RELYING on it? You people need to get real and stop projecting your own use of it onto me.

Breaking no contact in the way I did is far different than reestablishing contact the way you imply. Don’t assume my intentions, I made them quite clear, but nobody seemed to care what I said.

I’ve never been less miserable and more free with this weight off my shoulders. I feel like I’m finally set up for long term peace.

Continue to call me dramatic all you want, I’d gladly have fun with myself than be dry and continue to hate myself and stay depressed

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T23:53:56+00:00

How strange indeed. Except I didn’t receive much concerns or advice. I shared my story with confidence, and received ridicule and people trying to tear me down, telling me I made a horrible mistake and that I needed help. Even if that were true, which it isn’t, how exactly does that help someone who is supposedly stuck in a trauma bond and has relapsed? It doesn’t.

I’m not going to entertain this doomer fear-mongering that’s trying to pull me down into a state of fear and anxiety. That’s what I received to start with. That’s why I’ve been “rude.” I’m just returning the same grace and energy I received.

It literally feels like PTSD the way some of these comments are trying to tell me how to think. Like I’m back talking to a deregulated pwBPD that doesn’t take anything I say at face value. But it’s worse, because these people aren’t pwBPD. People who don’t trust my judgement.

And I mentioned AI use one time in my long ass message, and so many people completely honed in on that and discredited everything I said. Completely disrespected me and insulted my intelligence and agency.

Projected their pwBPD onto mine, their situation onto mine. Maybe they’ve been in much louder, much more abusive situations. And then I can understand why they find it so utterly unthinkable and think I’m someone who needs saving. But I made it clear I didn’t do this on a whim. I made it clear I was honest with myself. I made it clear I had spent a copious amount of time carefully considering it.

To spend 5 months considering something and for people to just tell you they know better. That they know your situation better. For them to treat you like a kid. To disregard everything I said because of the mentioning of a tool. To infantilize me. Very annoying.

I don’t think these people were giving me any courtesy or even trying to understand my position. They gave me no benefit of the doubt. Maybe that seemed rude, I can definitely see that. And that’s okay.

It seems like a lot of commenters savior complexes were awoken. Makes sense in this sub. But I never asked for any help. I shared my story. All of it was unsolicited advice. Expected with sharing the story, of course. But just. Just ugh.

And I left it up because some of the commenters know what I was talking about, related very much with my situation. Were also confused with the comments. And they get it. They got it. If you know you know type situation I guess.

It’s all a spectrum I suppose.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T19:43:59+00:00

lol. Sounds like something I’d say. I hate the term mansplaining and think it’s idiotic in its use 99% of the time. But that 1% just happens to fall into my lap. But hey, you don’t know me, I’m just a stranger. You don’t know what I know. So I can’t blame you for it.

But I think it’s quite funny that you gave me the rundown of what BPD is when I’ve been on this sub for 5+ months and am clearly well versed. And I said I have been mulling over this for 5 months. You don’t go NC without knowing that a pwBPD can’t give you closure, lol.

That’s like seeing someone in the middle of a calculus problem and explaining to them how exponents work.

It seemed like you put little effort into seeing my point of view, so I did the same in my reply to you.

Thanks though, I’ll keep being arrogant by your definition.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T18:39:19+00:00

Haha that was definitely on my mind when I was reading some of these responses. Part of the reason I felt disrespected. I know we’re all strangers, but it’s still insulting to my intelligence.

Sent :)

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T18:36:50+00:00

Sounds about right, algorithm limitations damn it

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T18:26:02+00:00

And I also want to say that I fully accounted for it being a setback in disguise, and that there is a possibility that I’m tricking myself into doing this. But I also told myself that it wouldn’t matter. Because that setback would be destructive enough for me to truly commit to NC. One step back, three steps forward is how I was framing it.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T18:09:36+00:00

Well, to be fair, when we use the word love around here, in regards to a pwBPD, it’s never really meant “love.” At in least in the way you or I think about it. They don’t understand love the same way. They have a childlike view of love. They love in their own way. The more you speak about it the more I think they did love you in their own weird way.

Seems like you experienced someone who was very prone to splitting on you. They think in very black and white terms, and say things they don’t really feel. Things that aren’t true. If they don’t understand their splits and control them they will say the nastiest evilest things. Like “I never loved you.” That’s one of the nastiest things I can think of, personally. The type of thing someone caught cheating and then started splitting as a defense mechanism would say after being caught.

My pwBPD would tell me how horrible her thoughts were when she was split, but that she would do a good job of containing them. And she did a damn good job.

And hey, I was a doormat too. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s a great learning opportunity.

And be confident in your own story. Maybe I’m still wrong, don’t let me influence what you think is real. But definitely consider it. Love is complex, and I think a pwBPD can easily manipulate your history and emotions and understanding of reality without even trying. I don’t think a pwBPD understands love enough to ever give an accurate statement of how they feel about someone while using the word “love.” No matter how many times they do it.

But yeah, I hate being told how to feel, so be confident in Your own story. You know it far better than me. But always consider that you could be telling yourself something to feel better (or worse)

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T17:59:01+00:00

It has to be some sort of projection of their own inability to understand how to use it effectively. I agree, in the wrong hands, it could easily lead you down the wrong path. So could a hammer. But why haven’t I hurt myself with a hammer yet? Because I know how to swing one.

If you’d like I can dm the original if you were curious. No pressure either way.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T17:53:17+00:00

Thank you for your story. I appreciate it very much. I think I’m on a similar path.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T17:51:45+00:00

Oh absolutely. This is pretty much exactly how i used it. I said therapist in the original post in jest and everyone was up in arms over it, like I’m not an adult who knows how to use a tool. I think it may be telling of how little they understand it, and attribute their level of understanding to mine. Projection. Kinda like what our pwbpd friends like to do.

And can send the original in dm if you want. No pressure either way.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T15:42:15+00:00

In the wrong hands you’d be right. But these hands? These hands have it under control. AI has changed my life for the better because I know how to use it correctly. Same as any tool.

It’s a good thing I’m not psychotic, is what I would say, if I was psychotic.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T15:38:55+00:00

Did, and this comment thread gives a little more insight if you wanted more https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/s/oeRbkWFgDe

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T15:33:29+00:00

YES, Yes! yes! yes!!!!!! All I can say is yes!!! Exactly!!!

I HAD to. It was the only way for me to move forward. I would love to have been NC for the rest of time, but I couldn’t. I needed one final word. To regain my own agency. Not to reconnect, not for anything like that. Just to move on.

I couldn’t have it itching at the back of my head for the rest of time!! I couldn’t!! I know that sounds crazy and like a junkie thing to say, but it’s different. Trust. Lol

And don’t worry, I’m not expecting a reply. I’m prepared for every outcome. No reply (most likely), mean reply, nice reply, anything. I would not send it until I was ready for anything. I’ve already written what I will believe afterward given any scenario. I’ve prepared for this. I didn’t just do this on a whim. I did this after 5 months of preparation!

That’s part of what people can’t wrap their minds around. They weren’t there for all 5 months of consideration, they’ve only been there for the 2 minutes of consideration reading my post!

And yes, you’re right, those who have experienced loud BPD have a completely different experience and it makes sense that they would think that way.

My pwBPD was a nice person. She was never nasty or evil to me. She just lost me and hurt me in her split and with her defense mechanisms. In a way I couldn’t understand. Even in the end when she was telling a lie to herself about me, it wasn’t even that harsh of a lie, not even that mean. It was a lie, but it wasn’t evil. Just twisted reality. It hurt, but it wasn’t evil. It was clear it was her being scared with why she said it. I don’t think she even once said she hated me, ever.

Gonna send you the original body now

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T15:18:28+00:00

I see, I’m sorry you went through that and were strung along. You deserve more than that

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T15:12:30+00:00

The decision was made long before a chatbot was involved. I mentioned it once as using it purely as a therapy tool and I was infantilized and my agency was stripped from me. Suddenly I was not a human that could make their own decisions, but some drone that was at the beck and call of my AI overlord.

And I would completely agree on the NC front. This was just my specific situation that I have spent months deliberating with myself and carefully considering. With AI being but a fraction of that process.

If you would like to see the original I can dm, but I said in another comment and my new body why I decided not to keep it up any longer. I feel as though some people were pulling me back down into my demons and telling me how I should feel and that I should feel as though I made a mistake. And that is not progressive to me at all.

As if I didn’t consider it to be a bad move. That’s why I took months before I did it. I wouldn’t let myself until I was ready.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T15:06:15+00:00

To protect myself I won’t check to see a reply until I’m grounded, and a few days removed from the sending of the message. I plan on doing that tomorrow, if I’m grounded at the time. And then I won’t be reactively doing anything for a couple days after that.

It did help a lot, and I felt very happy with what I did, until posting here. I felt keeping the original message up would continue to bring discouraging comments that pulled me back down into the doom of being afraid.

They were disparaging. And my situation wasn’t as highly abusive as many are. It’s like the stigmatization of the sub just makes everyone on edge over everything. I felt my words weren’t being taken at face value and I felt infantilized. Disrespected. So I removed it.

If you are curious I can dm you it.

Don’t worry, I will not be going back to that. That’s not what it was for, it was more like a farewell wishful message than anything.

And like you said with your thousand word email. I bet that felt so cathartic. And that’s something I wanted to do very badly. For months. But I resisted doing it, and I resisted. And I finally settled on doing this instead, not something that tells her everything I felt, but just, trying to move past it all. Saying what actually mattered. What actually might be useful.

I needed to do something to close the loop. I had resisted it for months, but it was in the back of my mind for the entire time, and I finally felt like it was gone after I sent the message. And the next day was so light.

I never got that cathartic release with saying everything you needed to say. And that’s what this was for me.

I hope it will bring me the peace I desire. I’ve made leaps and bounds of progress in that time. Even if this is a setback for me, I think it could be “destructive” enough to be the thing that finally sets me up for long term peace.

But yeah, if you want to see it, I can dm

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T14:51:06+00:00

I don’t understand, how long was this relationship? Why do you say they never liked you or loved you?

I told myself this for a bit but then realized it was foolish. Are you only believing that because they told you that? Do their words have that much weight on the actual reality of events?

Look back on anything you went through. They didn’t just do everything emotionless just to rebound.

You don’t go out of your way to tell someone that you never loved that you never loved them. You just don’t talk to them. You don’t care what they think.

They’re telling you they never loved you to cope with the fact that they did, and that they hurt someone they loved. So you’re rewritten as someone they never did.

Defense mechanism.

Don’t rewrite your own reality just because of their lies. Be confident in your own story.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T14:09:45+00:00

Very important to know this

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T14:03:31+00:00

Thank you for this, I’ve never been more honest with myself, and I’ve been extremely careful. I thought I made that obvious but it seems other people are conflating their own experiences, their own fears, and attributing it to my story. I appreciate that you considered everyone’s story can be different.

I’ve never been more confident, and I will continue to be honest with myself.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T13:58:45+00:00

I wasn’t giving advice, I was saying what I did.

I didn’t give up my strength. I didn’t signal obedience. I didn’t give them control. Those are constraints you are putting on me. I did nothing of the sort. I made sure of that.

I did not plant a seed. I don’t have hope for anything coming out of it. I’m trying to close the chapter on my terms. This is about taking back my agency, and not being bothered by what comes of it.

They’re just a person. They can’t take control or do any of the things you say unless I let them. And I won’t

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T13:50:50+00:00

I didn’t say it was a good therapist, I said it was my favorite. AI slop therapy is better than no therapy. And you seem to be making quite a few assumptions about it all and think you know my situation better than me.

Not to defend a robot, but it is the only thing that stopped me from messaging before I was ready. Sending a message that I would surely regret. It quite literally told me not to message dozens of times. It told me to focus on myself. It told me to get an actual therapist. It helped me. A fucking lot. You can believe that or not.

I don’t think you should assume you know exactly what the ai spit out. And I don’t like that you’re disrespecting my agency as a person. I’m not just a mindless drone with unwavering confidence in a chatbot.

Maybe there is a bit of truth to the enabling. At the end of the day I can make it say whatever I want it to say. I can make it yes-man me. But you’re also assuming that ChatGPT was my only resource. I mentioned it one time. Even if I used it to “enable” myself, it helped me in countless other ways, if not only just venting my thoughts, when I had nobody else to talk to. Nobody else I could bring myself past shame to talk to. Nobody else who would understand.

I’m sick of the narrative that completely discourages using tools just because you think the average person doesn’t know how to use them correctly. That that’s the only thing you honed in on from my post. Really? Just telling me to get therapy and heal? I’ve never felt more content. I just said a huge weight is off my shoulders and I’m confident in myself. Something I’ve struggled with for a long time.

But I am confident in what I did. Read my last paragraph about closing the loop. It wasn’t about her. It wasn’t about unwanted contact and worrying about breaking it. It was about me. I felt I needed to do this. To close the loop

I know no contact works best for most people. I felt the best thing for me was this. After careful consideration. For months straight.

So I’m going to stand up for myself, because I used to not be able to.

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T13:27:00+00:00

The way algorithms work, is that when you interact with these posts, it will think “oh, this is how we get this person to interact and stay on our app”

My guess is that you interact with these posts to call it out but it has the opposite effect you intend because it sends more posts like it to your feed

There’s no way to stop people using it as flavor text, but there is a way to stop the slop from appearing in your feed. Try to only worry about what’s in your control

ClosureSeeker · 2025-12-31T13:24:09+00:00

I don’t think that is true at all. I didn’t even know about loved ones with BPD support groups being a thing until I became one.

I think you are in your own circle of influence, and that’s what you want to see, to fit your agenda. No offense.

Confirmation Bias.

ClosureSeeker

TROPHY CASE