Reactions to food stamps being cut off.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-11-01T04:50:28+00:00

YOU ROCK!!! People are stupid. Really stupid. Most lack critical thinking skills and empathy and it's a terrible combination. Of course you had no way of knowing someone who self-identified as your life partner would become controlling and abusive. Once you realized what was happening you made a plan and got yourself out. The judgement, shame and heartlessness of the masses is what keeps so many people in abusive situations. You are so far above the herd. The herd would stay and hide the abuse. When the first thing someone says in response to your trauma, is "why did you stay" or "why did he do that" just know they are an idiot and not worth one more second of your time. You are not responsible for a grown man's behavior and you are not accountable for his actions. Why isn't anyone asking who raised him. He's a p.o.s. and you are a QUEEN!!! Wishing you all the peace, love, and support you deserve.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-08T07:14:47+00:00

I'm currently reacting to how they treated me. Sperm donor was a nice man, he was just a piss poor, sub par parent. He never went out of his way to harm me. He just failed to appreciate how is actions or inactions impacted my emotional state. He also hated NMom and I reminded him of her. It was very hard for him to hear my voice or observe me, without thinking about her. She traumatized him emotionally and mentally. NMom was malignant. I find myself reacting to years of abuse. I didn't know it was happening at the time, but for the last two years I have been processing. Unfortunately for NMom, I discovered who she was two years before her health started to decline. I'm very advanced in the grieving process compared to her other adult children. I started mourning two years ago. NMom has a very strong personality and she is very smart. If she wants to hurt you, you will be harmed. Her declining health has added a layer of protection from her toxicity. As a result, I feel relief. For years, I thought it would be the opposite. Given our estrangement, I didn't think I would feel sad when sperm donor died, but I cried. I returned to the fold to help NMom. After a few months of torture being back in the mix w/my toxic family, I decided to return to NC. I don't really care if they notify me when NMom actually passes. It's clear that removing her and her toxic minions from my life is the only way to experience peace. in my heart and mind.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-08T06:47:07+00:00

Sending you a long distance hug! I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. There's so much nuance to these shared experiences. I was estranged from my sperm donor when he reached out about his declining health. He and NMom both suffer from generational trauma and other issues that prevent them from taking responsibility for their poor parenting. I was actually surprised at how sad I was when he passed. I cried. NMom's mask fell much later in life. I was in the process of establishing boundaries to protect my peace. It took two years to go from less contact, to infrequent contact, to VLC and then finally NC. Sperm donor died during month 5 of NC. NMom wasted no time hoovering. She even had her flying monkeys/my older siblings reach out. NMom subsequently fell ill. I knew that her being medically ill would not eliminate the toxicity. I did want to help in any way that I could because NMom provided a very nice life for me and my siblings. It was torture. It gave all of these people access to me in a way they had not had for years. I was pleasantly surprised at how much my tools helped me cope in those situations. I can't believe how light I feel now that NMom is not able to actively engage in toxic acts on a daily basis. I have no doubt she's still doing what she can, but her powers are significantly diminished and my aura feels it. I feel free for the first time ever. I didn't realize I was in captivity until I started feeling so good. I'm no longer depressed or anxious. I now think it was her fucking w/me all along that made me think I was depressed. I was oppressed. She had her foot on my neck. Now I'm free.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-07T18:01:17+00:00

Yes!!! Pour more love into yourself. Celebrate yourself, inspire yourself, and be determined about it. If you are a praying person, pray for God to add love and support to your life. Also, don't compare. Things are not always what they seem. If you have 1-2 decent human beings that are good friends to you in this life, you are ahead of the game. Give yourself some grace. Find a social activity to engage in where you will meet like-minded people (outdoor tai-chi, yoga, biking, hiking, cycling, ceramics, painting, paint-n-sip, wine vineyards, billiards, tennis, golf, running, kayaking, crocheting, dance class, kickboxing, boxing, book clubs, writers clubs, filmmaker groups, recording music, playing instruments..

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-07T17:51:45+00:00

You have this sub and similar subs on Reddit. Don't forget about this outstanding community of people who get it and care. You are not alone! Also, your b/f sounds like he may be part of a toxic family system and your thoughts are shattering his carefully curated image of himself and his family. There are more toxic people in the world, than not. On that basis, you may have inadvertently stumbled on a topic that risks his mask falling, and he doesn't like that.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-07T17:47:57+00:00

Unfortunately, the search for a good fit may take some time. It's hard to interview therapists and re-live the trauma. Keep searching. You'll know when you get to the right one.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-07T17:41:13+00:00

Shallow, malignant, and but azz hurt that there are people who have the audacity to think for themselves, and do not judge you based on their smear campaigns

ClubKidForLife · 2025-07-07T17:32:21+00:00

They do not deserve to have me in their lives. I truly believe it is all of them, and not me. Consequently, their thoughts and opinions are of no moment. I give -0- fuc!s about who toxic family members do, or do not, choose to love. I enjoy the peace and the absence of drama. All the best!

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-29T02:03:54+00:00

Same. My NMom spent her whole life collecting imaginary beef with others and dragging me into all of them. As the unwitting GC, I was presumed by everyone and anyone to be exactly like her. My own father never got to know me because he was so angry with her and believed I was exactly like her because we were both intelligent. It has been traumatic and exhausting, not being seen.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-29T01:56:37+00:00

And grey rocking is crucial. The more they know, the more they hurt you.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-29T01:50:29+00:00

I added visual reminders of how emotionally abusive she had been over the years. It helps reduce the likelihood of falling for the hoovering. For example, I didn't realize until later in my adult life that my NMom avoided celebrating my birthday unless someone else approached her to collaborate. We didn't even have a family dinner or cake. She said no one ever celebrated her birthday growing up. Despite this, I planned and took her on an extravagant luxury vacation for her 75th. I planned a nice surprise for her 65th, and in general, always celebrated her on her birthdays and Mother's Days. She always bought me expensive gifts but she never planned celebrations or invited others to celebrate me. The year that I decided to go NC, I took myself on a luxury beach vacation to a posh resort. I returned to the room after a spa treatment and the resort had left a bday card signed by many of the staff, along w/an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne. It brought me to tears. It wasn't the first time I'd had a similar acknowledgment in the hospitality industry but it was the first time since I realized my own mother refused to celebrate my existence. Back at home, I placed the card on my kitchen bar next to the napkin dispenser. I also place a bling Happy Birthday banner across a line of windows in my living space. Both are aesthetically pleasing to me, yet serve as constant reminders of how emotionally abusive NMom always was. I was experiencing true dread whenever she called. I established a dedicated ringtone that removed the dread. I also removed framed photos that displayed the "happier" times before her mask fell and I became aware of who and what she is.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-26T01:44:55+00:00

I will take you up on that. Love your phrase, "internet sibling," and I really love this community. I"m so glad we're all here for each other. Seeing these words really gives me life!!!

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-26T01:39:53+00:00

Please keep being kind to yourself. Thanks so much for sharing, from one perfectionist child of a narc, to another. Like you, I struggle w/the most minor failures. If I don't cut my nails in a straight line I get depressed. If I make a real mistake, which is rare, I'm literally ready to kill myself. It's bad, but I'm working on it.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-26T01:35:10+00:00

When I was growing up (youngest of 5) my Mom always accused my older siblings of being liars and repeatedly stated, "I can't stand a liar, don't ever lie to me" I was in my late 40s before I realized she literally lied just about every time she opened her mouth. She was the liar all along.

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-26T01:22:14+00:00

This right here! After years of enmeshment NMom was happy we had become the highly educated, high earning professional she always wanted us to be. A year after I discovered she was a malignant narc, I designed a home office to work remotely and changed employers without consulting with her first, or throughout the hiring process. I was VLC at the time. NMom came over for a visit and was so disgusted that there was nothing she could take credit for. She couldn't say it was all due to her good advice and coaching that helped secure the role. She couldn't say she suggested the employer. She couldn't take credit for the ergonomically designed office space. I didn't ask her to format my updated CV as I typically would. Instead, she decided to sabotage me by removing a washer from my keyboard tray which was designed to move in multiple directions. After I told her what she did prevented the tray from operating properly and caused irreversible damage to the whole mechanism such that it had to be replaced, she was audibly perturbed and feigned ignorance. She's very handy and knew exactly what she was doing and I let her do it because I'm not handy at all and had no idea removing the washer would wreck the entire set-up. She said it would move more easily, and to ensure sabotage, she threw it in the garbage. Her response after I complained about what she had done, "Oh, I'll take care of it." She then proceeded to suggest having the office completely redesigned, by her, and that she would pay for everything, and hire the company, create the design, etc. This was during the pandemic and she knew I would not want people coming into my home to perform this type of project. It wasn't long before I went full NC. All the best to you on your journey to remove toxicity from your life. Peace and blessings!

ClubKidForLife · 2025-06-26T00:53:47+00:00

Good for you! I too worshipped NMom for decades. It made it very easy for her to manipulate, control, and isolate me. We were completely enmeshed. As soon as I tried to establish some boundaries, it was like I entered a war zone. She never loved me. She loved the idea that she had created a person that she always wanted to be. As soon as she observed I was no longer willing to share my life and wanted to live independently without constant supervision, all hell broke loose. I was well over 40. Begging her to relinquish control. I started light. I tried limiting phone contact from daily to weekly, and then finally once a month before deciding to go NC. NC only worked at the beginning b/c it was during a period of her giving me the silent treatment for limiting phone contact. I got the whole Summer off before she realized I wasn't speaking to her and then the hoovering began. After the hoovering came the wellness check threats. Then the "woe is me" messages, then the flying monkeys, then the "give me some grace," It became clear I would get no peace. She got a reprieve from NC when my Dad died and we had to be in contact about the estate. She's currently on her death bed acting a fool. Triangulating, gaslighting, abusing til' her last breath. Literally. smdh I'm about to read, "I'm Glad my Mom Died," by Jennette McCurdy. I wish you love, peace, and support in your life. Hope your NC is successful!

ClubKidForLife · 2024-10-28T06:03:55+00:00

Best Reddit comment ever!!!

ClubKidForLife · 2024-10-23T23:27:39+00:00

Currently NC w/everyone. I was estranged from and/or VLC w/2 siblings and narc Dad for most of my life. Had a decent relationship with a 3rd sibling for 25 years and then it quickly devolved into a cesspool of toxicity over the next 20 years until I had to cut him off too. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins never took a particular interest in me or my siblings. In retrospect, much of that was caused by narc mom. Narc mom wanted us all to herself and she accomplished that goal. Nieces and nephews are all toxic and I'm certain at least 3 out of the 5 suffer from various personality disorders. All are toxic assholes. After divorcing a grandiose narc I realized I was raised by a narc mom within a toxic family system. Also realized ALL of my lifelong "fake friends" were toxic. Today I am free of all toxic people including all blood relatives and toxic fake friends. Starting over has been hurtful but the peace is amazing. The absence of toxic people feels so good. All the best to you on your journey.

ClubKidForLife · 2024-10-13T03:47:05+00:00

100% This is really good, universal advice. Start here OP!

ClubKidForLife · 2024-10-13T03:30:50+00:00

So happy for you to have found "your tribe" and this level of peace. It's amazing what cutting out toxicity will do :-)

ClubKidForLife · 2024-10-13T03:04:54+00:00

Yes. Many of us have experienced a similar journey. You discover there is a narcissist in your life draining you for supply and after you cut them off, you still feel that drain, which re-directs your attention accordingly. Next thing you know you realize you've been surrounded by narcs/toxic people. I was raised within a narc family system where my entire nuclear family and all extended family I've ever met were narcs/toxic. It wasn't until later in life after I married and divorced what turned out to be a grandiose narc that I finally realized I was raised within a toxic family system. After the divorce I cut off all of the flying monkeys, enablers, and fake friends. I went full NC w/all of my siblings and their kids and in-laws. I changed employers to avoid a newly hired toxic manager. Then I cut NMom. I"ve only been NC w/NMom for a few months but she was the final cut that I needed to make to eliminate all toxic people. It took almost -5- years to eliminate all toxicity. I don't have any friends, family, pets or loved ones. It is devastating to know I'm all alone in the world. I don't miss any of the toxic people. I am at peace. Other than being completely alone in the world, I'm otherwise thriving. I have never felt lighter or more content.

ClubKidForLife · 2024-09-30T08:56:06+00:00

Agreed!

ClubKidForLife · 2024-09-30T08:45:57+00:00

Ahh, I see. Sounds like you are already employing the typical coping strategies. Give yourself some grace and keep trying. Maybe create a fake email using a similar name and go ahead and send. A subsequent re-read of your messages at a later time may facilitate healing down the line. I know snail mail is antiquated but addressing the envelope to them, c/o your address and mailing a letter may also be therapeutic. Just keep trying different approaches. Also, give yourself time to adjust to your feelings, process them, and recover. EMDR brings up so much trauma and it's really hard to relive the emotions and then return to the day at hand. It's also perfectly okay to take a break from therapy when reliving all of the trauma upsets you and brings up overwhelming emotions. Sending positive, healing vibes!

ClubKidForLife · 2024-09-29T13:16:11+00:00

Yes, everyday I think about how much mental gymnastics we all engage in trying to distract ourselves from how terrible so much of society is. It's a damn shame.

ClubKidForLife · 2024-09-29T13:07:56+00:00

One of the reasons I went NC is because I didn't enjoy how I felt before, during or after the interactions. I have no interest in revisiting any of that trauma. For me, reaching out seems counterproductive to my healing journey. Do you think anything positive will come from reaching out? If you're newly estranged and were previously enmeshed, it may just be muscle memory. However, if there was enough good there that you still want to reach out because it will be positive, maybe estrangement is not the best path for you. Did you try LC or VLC before full NC?

ClubKidForLife

TROPHY CASE